Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Sometimes I Wonder How These Idiots Get Elected

There's a bad case of the "Dumb-Ass" passing all over America. I firmly believe that the original carriers (aside from Barry Obama) were Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters and Debbie Wasserman Schulz. The most recent example is neatly tucked deep in Obamacare. It requires all restaurants with at least 20 locations to list nutritional information alongside each and every item on their menu.

That edict is now creating headaches for small business owners across the country, particularly pizza chains. Take Domino's. There are 34 million different pizza combinations available at the chain, when all crusts and cheeses and toppings are factored in. Now imagine walking into a Domino's and navigating a menu board with 34 million different options on it.

This is the problem with Obamacare. It was hastily prepared with questionable promises to Democrats or states that got on board and passed in the middle of the night. I assure you that not one of the congressional voters ever read the bill which has been evident since day one.

Moreover, Obama knowingly lied to America with the promise that "If you like..." and the rest has been obvious. Obama's lies have earned more Pinocchio awards than anyone else.

With the coming 2016 election, you can expect more of the same. When anyone was opposed to Obama, they were called "racists". If Hillary is elected and you disagree with her, you can bet your ass you'll be called sexist. What's next....a gay goat for president?

The News As I See It: The NFL is warning Arizona that if they approve a bill that discriminates against gays they may not get to host the next Super Bowl. It may also hurt their chances of hosting the Tony Awards.

The Sochi Olympics are over. Russia ended up with the most gold medals. They said they played like their lives were on the line because their lives were on the line.

Jason Collins became the first openly gay player to play in an NBA game. He also became the first NBA player not being pursued by a woman for child support. Now he can move onto his next goal — becoming the Nets first openly good player.

CNN is canceling Piers Morgan's talk show. Yes, it's been 238 years since the Declaration of Independence, but it still feels good telling the British guy to get out. Larry King has offered to come back and replace Piers Morgan. Well, technically it wouldn't be "coming back." He's been living under the desk for the last three years.

The brassiere turns 100 years old this week and so does everyone who still calls it a brassiere.

A spelling bee in Missouri was forced to shut down on Saturday because it ran out of words for the final two contestants to spell. A nearby reporter said to the organizers, “You know, someone published a big book with all the words in it.”

This Date In History: 1815; Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from exile on the island of Elba. 1870; A 312-ft long pneumatic subway was opened in New York City; funding for a larger version never materialized. 1901; Leaders of the Boxer Uprising in China, Chi-hsui and Hsu Cheng-yu, were beheaded.

1919; Grand Canyon National Park was established. 1935; RADAR (Radio Detection and Ranging) was first demonstrated by Robert Watson-Watt. 1993; A bomb exploded at the World Trade Center in New York. The blast killed six people and injured more than 1,000.

Picture Of The Day: The sights of America.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory." Peter came fifth and won a toaster. 2) Apparently, airport security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane. 3) I woke up with the hangover from hell by the sound of my neighbor's lawn mower. He'll just have to mow around me, I'm not moving. 4) Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread? 5) You're suppose to wear clean underwear in case you're ever in an accident. My ex-mother-in-law wears a new pair of shoes every day in case a house lands on her.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopePisces - February 26th: Your task today is to keep these words in mind: Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll add to the global over-depletion of the oceans, then complain about global warming while he cashes his government check at the liquor store, so just give him the damned fish.

Birthdays: My friends Paige and Pepa - Happy Birthday ladies 19XX, Victor Hugo, writer 1802, Levi Strauss, entrepreneur, inventor 1829, Buffalo Bill Cody, American Plainsman 1846, John Harvey Kellogg, surgeon, advocate of dietary reform 1852, Johnny Cash, singer 1932, Jenny Thompson, swimmer 1973.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said, "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne." The farmer said, "What a coincidence, it is a special day for me. I'm celebrating." The woman said, "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!"

While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" The woman replied, "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynecologist told me that I was pregnant." The farmer said, "What a coincidence. I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilized eggs."

The woman said, "This is awesome! What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" The farmer said, "I used a different rooster." The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence."

A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.

After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Tommy for his contribution to today's stories.

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him. Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy and says, "Dad, you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!"

His father replies, "That's absolutely amazing. How do I get him in that program?" The boy says, "Just send him down here with $1,000. I'll get him into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again. His father says, "So how's Ole Blue doing, son? The boy replied, "Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm, but you just won't believe this they've had such good results with this program that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to read!"

His father exclaims, "Read?! No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?" The boy replies, " Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

The boy says, "Dad, I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little redhead who lives on Oak Street?' "

 The father says, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" His son says, "I sure did, Dad!" The father replies, "That's my boy!"

A female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview and said, "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CBS. What's your name?" The old man replied, "Morris Feinberg."

She asked, "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" The old man said, "For about 60 years." The journalist responded, "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

The old man said, "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man. I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests and I pray that everyone will be happy."

The reporter asked him, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" The old man turned and said, "Like I'm talking to a f**king wall"

That's it for today, my little garlic bagels. Remember, you can easily avoid drastic bodily harm by not staring at a female jogger and then walking into a fire hydrant. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Get home safely, it's drizzling here. Like that talking dog.

jack69 said...

soooo it it the fire hydrants that cause the problem when starring?
Great read and agree on the intelligence of the politicians.
CRAP I still callit a brazirre! caught again.
I liked the jokes but I am still tryihng to figure the changed roosters thing? (smile)
Thanks for the smiles for an old man and for his wife when whe gets here. No one over my shoulder tonight, we have th motor home by ourselves, and I am trying to remember what I am supposed to do!

From the home of Minnie Mouse..
Sherry & jack...

Linda's World said...

LOL...laughing all the way to the end. The idiots pictured need to be run out of Washington, DC. Another stupid thing Nancy has said is; We have to pass the bill (for Obamacare) so we can read it and find out what it's all about. Sadly, she'll never know diddly squat about Obamacare because she'll never have to use it. Grrrrrrrrr