Friday, April 11, 2014
Sebelius Is Out
Obama threw Kathleen Sebelius under the bus and hung her ass out to dry, which she well deserved. They say she will resign today. Right! Resign or be fired. Too bad Pinocchio Obama didn't get on board and resign as well. That's what you get when you align yourself with thugs, Ms. Sebelius.
David Letterman recently announced he would retire next year and CBS has already announced that he will be replaced with Steven Colbert. You'd think that CBS would have had the courtesy to wait until Letterman's body was cold. I really doesn't matter very much though. Both comedians lean so far to the left that they need canes to walk upright.
Representative Vance McAllister (R-La.) is facing trouble after The Ouachita Citizen reported he can be seen kissing a female staffer in a surveillance video at the representative's own office in Monroe, Louisiana. The two people in the video can be seen embracing and kissing for almost half a minute. McAllister's election campaign touted his conservative values and 16-year-marriage.
Attorney General Eric Holder has been moaning the blues about the way he has been treated. His implication is racism. The truth is Holder hasn't been treated badly because of race. If he has "been treated badly", it's because he is a liar, as is his boss Brother Obama.
CNN announced that Anthony Bourdain's show is taking over Piers Morgan's time slot. Anthony is a culinary expert who loves good food. His show is the highest-rated series on CNN. But let's be honest. The highest-rated series on CNN is like being the least drunk Australian.
The News As I See It: A super-PAC urging Hillary Clinton to run for president says it raised $1.7 million in the first three months of the year. Obama said, "I’ll kick in another million if she’s willing to start early."
Kim Jong-un, The North Korean dictator, is in the news again. He was re-elected with 100 percent of the vote. He said, "I haven't been this happy since I scored 700,000 on the SAT exam."
"Captain America" is currently the No. 1 movie in China. The Chinese say their favorite part is when Captain America asks Captain China for a $17 trillion loan.
New research shows that seniors can improve their memory by looking after their grandchildren once a week. Because nothing improves a person’s memory like frantically trying to remember where they left their grandchild.
This Date In History: 1814; Napoleon was exiled to the island of Elba. 1899; The treaty ending the Spanish-American War took effect. 1921; Iowa imposed the first state cigarette tax. 1945; Allies liberated Buchenwald concentration camp.
1951; President Harry Truman fired General Douglas McArthur. 1968; President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the 1968 Civil Rights Act. 1979; Ugandan dictator Idi Amin was overthrown.
1981; President Ronald Reagan returned to the White House after he was shot in an assassination attempt. 2007; Science-fiction writer Kurt Vonnegut died in New York City at age 84.
Picture Of The Day: Right !
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Ninety percent of women that wear yoga pants probably don't do yoga. One hundred percent of straight men don't care. 2) I will never miss you, because I'm a really good shooter. 3) Kanye West compared his relationship with Kim Kardashian to Romeo and Juliet. This is great news! It means we won't have to deal with them too much longer. 4) Th 5) I once dated a female magician. She put her hand on my leg and I turned into a motel.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 11th: Th
Birthdays: Charles Evans Hughes, American statesman and jurist 1862, Dean Acheson, statesman 1893, Percy Lavon Julian, chemist 1899, Oleg Cassini, fashion designer 1913.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A blonde is flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. Suddenly, h e has a heart attack and dies. Frantically, she calls out a May Day. She screams into the radio, "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
She hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. 'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."
The blonde says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat." The voice on the radio says, "Okay, Repeat after me: Our Father, who art in Heaven….”
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy." Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes. Stay cool."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it."
The woman continued, "That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." The grandfather said, "Thanks, but I'm William, the little shit's name is Kevin."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The only cow in a small town in Texas stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found they could buy a super milk cow up in Wisconsin for $2,000.
They bought the cow from Wisconsin and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time and the people were pleased and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.
The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do. They told the Vet, "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thinks about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow in Wisconsin?" The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they bought the cow. They said, "You are truly a wise Vet. How did you know we got the cow in Wisconsin?" The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Wisconsin."
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times till her husband says... "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" With a seductive smile, she answers, Yes." Her husband said, "Thank God for that. I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa." (He never heard the gunshot.)
That's it for today, my little cherry blossoms. Remember, you only need two tools in life: Wd-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the Wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the Duct Tape. I'm posting a bit early today to attend a private party in AREA 51.
Have a fantastic weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !