Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Night Life

I'm going to Sabores Restaurant this Friday to hang out with my friends. I have also been invited to a wild, sexy costume party next week. I'm going as President Abraham Lincoln because my last four scores were seven years ago.

Yep, it's been a party month so far and I even hung out last night at Woody's Tavern for trivia night with Debbie, Yolanda, Rosemarie, Walter, Anne and other Miami Springs friends. We didn't win but we had fun. I'll probably try it again in the future.

As for Friday night at Sabores, I enjoy going there to see my friends and occasionally sing a song. There are always good looking ladies there and the single life allows me to enjoy the evening. Being married before now allows me to enjoy the single life without regret. Just think, without marriage, I would have gone through life thinking I had no faults at all.

The News As I See It: A judge wrote an opinion yesterday in favor of Obamacare, saying that getting healthcare from the state or federal government is the same as ordering from Pizza Hut vs. Domino's. I don't I agree. Pizza Hut and Domino's websites always work.

Hillary Clinton visited the headquarters of Twitter and Facebook yesterday. Hillary would also have visited LinkedIn, but she already knows what job she wants.

There's a lot of speculation about the new iPhone. It's expected to have a larger screen and a better operating system. It will be called last year's Samsung Galaxy.

Netflix is testing a new feature that will allow you to hide what you've been watching. You just click the button and it says, I want to stay married.

Huge white flags were placed on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. It's rumored that the white flags were possibly stolen from France. This morning, word came from the FBI that the New York Mets have surrendered.

This Date In History: 1829; William Burt patented a forerunner of the typewriter. 1885; Ulysses S. Grant, the 18th president of the United States, died at Mount McGregor, New York, at age 63. 1914; Austria and Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia after the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand, precipitating World War I.

1945; Vichy government leader Marshal Henri Petain went on trial for treason. 1952; Revolution erupted in Egypt as the military took power in a bloodless coup. The following year the monarchy was abolished and, for the first time since the pharaohs, Egypt was again ruled by Egyptians.

1995; The Hale-Bopp comet was discovered by Alan Hale and Thomas Bopp. 1997; Serbian president Slobodan Milosevic was sworn in as president of the Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.

Picture Of The Day: The patio area at Sabores Restaurant.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My parents never asked me to run away from home, but then there were so many unexplained one way tickets. 2) I typed 18 beers into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.  3) My friend told me that she went to the doctor this morning and she has mono. In this day and age, I think she should have surround sound. 4) Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't Happy. 5) Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeLeo - 7/23: There's a relatively good chance that you will stumble across an opportunity this week and the advantages will be extroardinary. By the same token, don't take stumbling for granted. You remember what happened the last time you got up in the middle of the night and stepped on the cat's tail.

Birthdays: Jane Long, early settler in Texas 1798, Raymond Chandler, author 1888, Haile Selassie, emperor of Ethiopia (1930–74) 1892, Anthony McLeod Kennedy, associate justice 1936.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Murray and Sadie were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning and Murray said, "If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff."

Sadie said, "Now why would you want me to do something like that?" Murray said, "I figure that you would eventually remarry, and I don't want some asshole using my stuff."

Sadie looked at him and said, "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

The young reporter was interviewing a woman who had just reached her hundredth birthday and asked, "To what do you attribute your remarkable good health?"

The old woman said, "Well, I've always eaten moderately, worked hard and I don't smoke or drink." The reporter asked, "Have you ever been bedridden?" The old woman replied, "Well, sure, but don't put that in your paper."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet to pee and neglected to notice that the seat was up.

When she sat, she kept going! She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in front of her. She cried for her husband, who rushed in and for the next hour tried desperately to free her.

In this process, they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently visible between her splayed legs. Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber, despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.

When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.

Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he could think of, his yarmulke skull cap, over his wife's exposed privates.

The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look and commented, "Well, I think I can save your wife, buddy, but the Rabbi's a goner."

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back. The woman says, "Oh my, I am so sorry" and popped her eye back in place. The woman then said, "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards they go to a nightclub for drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast with all the trimmings. The man is amazed! Everything has been so incredible!

The man says, "You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" The woman replied, " just happened to catch my eye."

That's it for today, my little chili peppers. Remember, the advantages of mother's milk are that it's a perfect formula for the child and it comes in cute containers. The weekly trip to AREA 51 is iffy as I was out late last night. Then again, one never knows, do one?

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Hoping all goes well at Sabores...
I love it when something just seems to fit. "Like the dog wagging its tail as it is being yelled at."
Dat one is cool.

I hope you do better as ABE!
From Hanover, maine.
Sherry & Jack

Tom said...

Jimmy love the mother's milk comment........especially the containers part........hilarious!!!!!!!

Woody said...

I would go to "Woodys" if I was closer!!!