Wednesday, July 2, 2014

I Know Nothing !

Sergeant Schultz and the Obama White House continue to insist that Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal until he heard about it in the news. Besides, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi to not know anything about this. Insiders are suggesting that he fire the Cabinet and hire the media so they'll all be on the same page when news breaks.

So, the president didn't know about Benghazi, didn't know about the IRS scandal, didn't know about the AP scandal. Do you know what this means? They took "don't ask, don't tell" out of the Pentagon and moved it into the White House.

Lois Lerner, head of the tax-exempt organization division of the IRS, testified before a congressional committee. She pleaded the Fifth and refused to answer questions. Somebody from the IRS refusing to answer questions?

Lerner resigned and took a comfy government income. Now, the IRS lost her emails that could have proven she was in cahoots with the White House. Why" Because she was sicking the IRS on the opposition during the 2012 presidential campaign.

You know, she needs to return to face a special prosecutor and put her answers in writing by some specific date, like....oh, maybe April 15th! Maybe that's a good date. And then, charge her a penalty for every day that she's late.

It's not about being against immigrants. It's about doing things legally. If I were to come to your house, I would knock on the front door. I wouldn't walk around your house, crawl in through the bathroom window, then sneak up behind you and scream feed me, house me and give me benefits! Stop distorting the facts. The White House should enforce existing laws!

The News As I See It: Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He's concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that's just in his administration.

A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that means? We are seeing Congress at its smartest and most effective right now

You may have heard that Obama was the first black president of the United States of America. Technically, that is incorrect. He is the first mulatto president. Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be.....

This Date In History: 1566; French astrologer, physician, and prophet Nostradamus died. When asked about his death replied, "He was in good health. I guess he didn't see it coming." 1881; President James Garfield was shot by Charles Guiteau. He died on September 19th.

1890; Congress passed the Sherman Antitrust Act. 1937; Amelia Earhart and her co-pilot Fred Noonan disappeared over the Pacific Ocean while attempting to fly around the world. 1964; President Johnson signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964 into law.

1976; In Gregg v. Georgia, the Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty was not inherently cruel or unusual. 1997; Actor James Stewart died in Beverly Hills, California. 2002; Steve Fossett became the first to circumnavigate the globe solo in a balloon.

Picture Of The Day: Tis the season. Yep, hurricane season has arrived and the first one of the season is named Arthur, who was born in my backyard and is predicted to scurry north up the eastern coastline. Time to make plans and gather the proper supplies to weather out any storms.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've stepped on a Lego before so I'm calling bullshit on Godzilla and King Kong being that difficult to take down. 2) Is it still casual sex if you're wearing a tuxedo? 3) If God had wanted us to drink in moderation he wouldn't have put wine in barrels. 4) There are two theories to arguing with a woman...neither works. 5) There are three kinds of people: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeCancer - July 2nd: Do not take the time to respond to the continuing emails from Nigeria notifying you of the various monies you have inherited or won. Just wait for your check from Publisher's Clearing House for $10,000,00. The Nigerians understand. One another note, never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Birthdays: My friends Cathy and Jennifer - Happy Birthday ladies 19XX,  Martha Washington, wife of George Washington 1731, John Randolph, legislator 1773, Thomas Hardy, novelist 1840, Sir Edward William Elgar, composer 1857, Johnny Weissmuller, Olympic swimmer and actor 1904, Barbara Pym, writer 1913, Cornel West, scholar 1953, Freddy Adu, Soccer 1989.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.

Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather and unto the Sonnn and......into the hole he gooooes."

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

A guy goes to the doctor and shows him a purple dot on his forehead. The doctor tells him it's rare but he has a penis that's starting to grow out of his forehead and tells him it can't removed because he'll die. The doctor told him within 6 weeks, it will be fully developed.

The patient says, "Doc ,you mean in 6 weeks every day when I wake up and look into the mirror I'm going to see a penis protruding out of my forehead? The doctor says, "No son, you don't have to worry. By that time, the balls will be covering your eyes!"

A man playing the front nine of a complicated golf course became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

The lady said, "I'm on the 7th hole she and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. 

She said, "I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

The man approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?''

She replied, "I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh." 'The man said, "No, I won't." She answered, "Well, if you must know, I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he lost his balance and almost fell off the bar stool. She said, "See, I knew you'd laugh!'' The man said, "That's not what I'm laughing at. I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

That's it for today, my little orange blossoms. Remember, no matter how many times you try, you'll never be able to make fried chicken like your mother and father used to make. It's hump day and a good reason to head over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Very Good line about moving ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’.
‘nother good line about LL and April 15th then a a fine ever day there after…

Liked the news.

I am still a hole behind too!
Nite and Thanks for the Education… (and laughs!)