Monday, January 26, 2015

It Was Just One Of Those Days

Yep, the TV was playing in the background and I was working on today's Journal entry with Samantha sitting next to the keyboard, checking for spelling errors. Then, it happened. I reached for my scotch and just before I took a sip, I coughed.

I was a decent athlete as a young man. I was a good football receiver and a good outfielder in baseball. I played amateur Jai Alai and even won a few tournaments. I play the guitar, keyboards and sing. But, as I've grown older, I've learned that coordination and especially multitasking is no longer an option. But I digress....

The congestion and constant cough I've been fighting for more than a month is subsiding, but evidently, the cough still had one more card to play.

As the glass touched my lips, I coughed, thus sending the glass and its contents onto my keyboard, bouncing once or twice and then falling to the floor, breaking into bits and pieces. The pièce de résistance was that what liquid that did not go into my keyboard or the floor, went into my lap.

Samantha bolted for safety as I began cursing to the point that I was just making up the most vile, obscene utterances that I could think of, which, in retrospect, even embarrassed me.

While I won't go deeply into detail as to the clean-up process, my main concerns were the broken shards of glass and the chance that Samantha might be cut, and salvaging the keyboard. The rest of the cleanup consisted of a half roll of paper towels, a mop and a hand vacuum.

Surprisingly, the keyboard still works, although occasionally, some of the keys stickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

I don't drink that over-priced Starbucks crap but this idea  would work fine as a drink holder

The News As I See It: CNN is developing a game show to be hosted by Anderson Cooper. It will be just like the other CNN shows except the contestants will make wild guesses instead of the news anchors.

Obama said that if he could have any superpower, he’d want the ability to speak any language. That's so everyone in the world could tell him he picked one of the lamest possible superpowers.

Jeff Gordon, four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion, Jeff announced that this will be his final season of racing. You could tell it was time for him to retire during his last race when he had his blinker on the whole time.

Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn't read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing.

This Date In History: 1788; The first European settlers landed in Sydney, Australia. 1802; Congress passed an act calling for establishment of a library within the US Capitol. 1837; Michigan became the 26th state in the United States.

1950; India, three years after gaining its independence from the United Kingdom, formally became a republic. 1979; Former Vice President Nelson Rockefeller died in New York at age 70.

1988; Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera opened on Broadway. It would go on to become the longest-running Broadway show. 1993; Vaclav Havel was elected president of the new Czech Republic. 2001; A magnitude 7.7 earthquake rocked the Indian state of Gujarat, killing more than 20,000 people.

Picture Of The Day: It's being called "Deflategate" and the double entendre and puns are sweeping the news and social sites. Personally, I think they're nuts.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I can never tell if a mother duck is being dutifully followed by her ducklings or chased by a gang of young duck thugs. 2) Reintarnation is defined as coming back to life as a southerner.

3) I'm not saying that people spend too much time on Facebook, but a friend of mine logged out for a month and graduated college, lost weight, showered, read 17 books and started a family.

4) I knew that psychic wasn't credible when she let me write her a check. 5) What doesn't kill you, forces me to reload.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeAquarius - January 26th: Google is about to take over your life - play responsibly. Your lucky horse for today is Sombrero's Lid. Some people seem to take the question "how stupid can you be?" as a personal challenge. Avoid that pitfall....hell, avoid all pitfalls !

Birthdays: Charles XIV, king of Sweden and Norway 1763, Douglas MacArthur, American General 1880, Bessie Coleman, aviator 1893, Paul Newman, actor 1925, Jules Feiffer cartoonist and writer 1927, David Strathairn, actor 1949, Ellen DeGeneres, comedienne, actress 1958, Wayne Gretzky, hockey player 1961.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A farmer asked his vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn’t doing well at all. After checking the bull’s vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill. He forced open the bull’s mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet.

Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence and mounting every cow in his way. The vet exclaimed, "Well, looks like your bull is healed!"

The farmer ruefully smiled and replied, "Yep, now give me one of those pills. I’ve gotta go catch him!"

Tom bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck. Go runs on either hydrogen, gasoline or E85. He returned it to the dealer yesterday because he couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.

The technician said to the radio, Nelson." The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?" The technician said, "Willie!" and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers. Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

Tom drove away happy and for the next few days, every time he'd say, "Beethoven", he'd get beautiful classical music and if he said, "Beatles", he'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed Tom's new truck, but Tom swerved in time to avoid him. He yelled, "Asshole!"

Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States." Old Tom loves his new truck.....

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: One day, a teacher, a garbage collector and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." St.  Peter said, "That's right! You may enter."

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer and said, "Name them."

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a Democrat, tree hugger and anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the local emergency room to see a doctor.

She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but due to Obamacare, they turned me down."

A guy walked into a bar and after a couple of drinks, said to the bartender, "I’ve got this great Polish joke."

The bartender glared and warned him, "Before you go telling that joke, I think you ought to know that I’m Polish, the two bouncers on the door are Polish and most of my customers are Polish."

The guy replies, Okay, I’ll tell it slowly."

That's it for today, my little bluebirds. Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, except for Grizzly bears. Grizzly bears will just kill you.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Good lines tonight:
The physic and the Check.
The cartoon and Mother board was good.
Crap!, and I just bought a DELL!
I also decided that truck had a very good radio.
BTW I had that kind of day yesterday and didn't have the scotch do drink before nor afterward!

Thanks for the entertainment.

salemslot9 said...

hope it wasn't
the last of
the scotch! :/