Dept Of Justice To Investigate Baltimore - Better Call "Al"

Attorney General Loretta Lynch announced that the Dept of Justice will be investigating into whether the Baltimore Police Department has engaged in a "pattern or practice" of excessive force in the riots in Baltimore.

The city of Baltimore is mostly black, the mayor is black and the police force is mixed race. During the riots, the looters and arsonists were mostly black. Now the black Attorney General is investigating excessive force. If this weren't true, it would be laughable.

Meanwhile, the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration found nearly 1,600 IRS employees from 2003 to 2014 were caught intentionally violating tax law. Only a quarter of those employees were fired, while another 108 either received promotions or bonuses.

There is no word yet from Ms. Lynch as to the IRS employees who were caught cheating on their taxes, weren't fired or disciplined, but given raises. Looks like the Eric Holder NBA mentality on priorities baton has been passed along to current Attorney General Lynch.

The News As I See It: The NFL has found it was more probable than not that Patriots employees deflated balls on purpose and that Tom Brady was generally aware of it. The response has been divided. Some people believe the Patriots are cheaters who should be fined and forced to forfeit the games, and other people are from Boston.

Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call.

The birth certificate of the royal baby lists her parents' occupations as being "the prince and princess of the United Kingdom." It says that under occupation, which I guess sounds better than "unemployed."

Hillary Clinton made a campaign stop in Las Vegas this week. She said she wants citizenship for undocumented immigrants. But after seeing Americans celebrate Cinco de Mayo yesterday, immigrants said, "You know, I think we have enough undocumented immigrants."

The archbishop of Atlanta is being forced to sell a $2.2 million mansion he bought using church funds. The bishop said he wanted the extra space because he was tired of only moving diagonally.

This Date In History: 1794; Antoine Laurent Lavoisier, the father of modern chemistry, was guillotined during the Reign of Terror. 1877; The first Westminister Dog Show was held. 1902; Mount Pelee on Martinique erupted, destroying the town of St. Pierre, and killing 40,000 people.

1945; V-E Day marks the European victory of the Allies in World War II. 1973; The 10-week Wounded Knee occupation ended when members of the American Indian Movement surrendered.

1978; David Berkowitz, a.k.a. the "Son of Sam" plead guilty to killing six people in New York City. 1999; The Citadel in South Carolina graduated its first female cadet, Nancy Mace.

Picture Of The Day: On May 7th, 1945, Germany surrendered to the Allied Forces. The surrender was formally announced on May 8th. This date is now referred to as VE Day (Victory in Europe). God bless the men and women of the Armed Forces.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My cat Samantha constantly looks at me like I just asked her for a ride to the airport. 2) Like my therapist always says, "I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea." 3) I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square, much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature. 4) Why do people say tunafish, rather than just tuna? Is that to differentiate from the tunacow and tunagiraffe? 5) I had myself waxed "down there". Now my socks slide on real easy.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 8th: Dogs can be a man's best friend or a woman's best friend. They could also be a child's best friend or a cat's best friend. Dogs are relatively flexible. You may wonder how this information is pertinent to you. Well, for one thing, you now know you have a pal who likes to chase cars as well.

Birthdays: Edward Gibbon, historian 1737, Jean Henri Dunant, founder of the International Red Cross 1828, Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States 1884, Joselito, matador 1895, Thomas Pynchon, novelist 1937, Peter Benchley, novelist 1940.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man walks into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself. He says, "May I buy you a cocktail?" Maxine replies, "No, thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."

The man says, "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?" Maxine says, "No, they spread."

An old man shuffled slowly into the "Orange Dipper", an ice cream parlor in Los Angeles and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" The old man replied, "No, hemorrhoids."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him.

The doctor said, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." The man, "I know, but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."

An old guy walks into a doctor's office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. The doctor asked,"What happened to you?"

The old guy said, "Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and she accidentally hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow's ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that's when I made my mistake."

The doctor looked puzzled and asked, "What mistake was that?" The old guy answered, "I said, 'Hey this looks like yours, hun!'"

That's it for today, my little chicklets. Remember, poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Happy Mother's Day to the ladies (and some of the guys). Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !