Wednesday, February 10, 2016

2016 Presidential Race - Politics As Usual

Bernie trounced Hillary in New Hampshire yesterday and Trump destroyed the GOP field. I was amused at Hillary's losing speech as she immediately began pandering to the poor and minorities of South Carolina, including gays. But exit polls show most voters found Hillary untrustworthy.

While most democrats seem to vote in blocs, there's no doubt that a lot of people feel that Hillary is, indeed, untrustworthy. But it's too early to tell if she'll be able to elude the FBI investigation.

There's already rumors that republicans are desperately searching for a way to dump Trump. It seems that his ways don't jibe with the republican hierarchy.

Which brings me too the today's point. All politicians are liars and thieves.....

The News As I See It: During the Super Bowl, Quicken Loans debuted a new app that lets people get a mortgage instantly on their phones by just tapping the screen. The app is called, "What could possibly go wrong?"

Chris Christie, in a new interview, continued to criticize Marco Rubio for his performance in this weekend's debate and said Rubio is scripted and not spontaneous. To which Marco Rubio replied, "That's not true, comma. I speak from the heart, exclamation point."

Yesterday was the 100th anniversary of the New Hampshire primary. They've been doing this primary in New Hampshire since Bernie Sanders was 5 years old.

Bernie is very popular in New Hampshire. Hillary Clinton today spent the whole day quietly googling the words "life expectancy for old man in snowy weather."

This Date In History: 1763; Treaty of Paris signed, ending the French and Indian War. France ceded Canada and all its North American territories east of the Mississippi to Great Britain. 1837; Russian poet and novelist Alexander Pushkin was killed in a duel. 1840; Queen Victoria married Prince Albert.

1942; Glenn Miller received the first ever gold record for selling a million copies of "Chattanooga Choo Choo." 1962; The Soviet Union exchanged captured American U-2 pilot Francis Gary Powers for Rudolph Abel, a Soviet spy held by the United States.

1967; The 25th Amendment was ratified, establishing presidential succession. 1996; IBM's computer, Deep Blue, beat the world chess champion, Garry Kasparov, in the first game of their match. 2005 Pulitzer Prize winning playwright Arthur Miller died.

Picture Of The Day: In spite of the growing amount of Bernie followers, being considered untrustworthy and the FBI investigation of classified material in her private emails, Hillary continues her beleaguered campaign

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The difference between Obama, Congress and a federal prison is that one is filled with terrorists, tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners. 2) A man was walking down the road and saw his Afghanistan neighbor Achmed standing on his second floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. He shouted up to him, "What's wrong, Achmed? Won't it start?" 3) Why do people say "needless to say"?

4) I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough... 5) The principle differences between an engineering student, a philosophy student and a fine arts student is that the engineering student asks,"How and why?" and the fine arts and philosophy students ask, "Do you want fries with that?".....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aquarius - February 10th: (Your horoscope for today has been checked for problems, but we found none. Our engineers are working on it.) The latin phrase for what you're feeling right now is: "Non semper inquisit damascus aroooooof". Ok, there's a little bit of dog language mixed in, as well. Nice and butch is how you like it, but you might want to play it down in certain circumstances, especially around women who slow dance together.

Birthdays: Jimmy Durante, comedian, actor 1893, John F. Enders, bacteriologist 1897, Bertolt Brecht, dramatist 1898, Leontyne Price, opera singer 1927, Robert Wagner, actor 1930, Roberta Flack, singer, songwriter 1939, Peter Allen, singer, songwriter 1944, Mark Spitz, swimmer 1950, Laura Dern, actress 1967.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The Catholic Church requires women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informed her that she could not enter without it.

A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without wearing a blouse."

The woman replied, "But Father, I have a divine right !" The priest says, " I can see that and your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church."

My father walked six miles a day, barefoot through snow, uphill both ways, to get to school. At least that's what he told me the first time I complained about walking a half mile to school.

Years later, my friend, who had recently undergone a colonoscopy, was telling Dad about the pain and pressure that he felt while the camera was in "Neverland".

Dad told him that, back in the day, his colonoscopy was done by a sketch artist.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal, Wally, for his contributions to today's stories.

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.

Two girlfriends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "You don't like getting flowers?" The redhead says, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers. I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air." The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an old cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She said that he should resist any request from the farmer to pay for the animal, but she said, “You killed it, so if they have to have money, it will come out of your pocket!” She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

Hillary asked, "What happened to you?" The driver replied, "Well, the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me. All I did was step inside the door and said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow.' The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, although you may think that Deja Vu is when you're doing something you've done before, it's really that God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Some great lines in the News today! also liked the:
Why do people say "needless to say"? I didn't know that about Glenn Miller's "Chattanooga Choo Choo."
Thanks for a fun read!