Going Down The Haagen-Dazs Highway

I was in the Publix chocolates aisle, miffed that my cart wanted to go it's own way, yet driven to the dark chocolate. She was in front of me. She grabbed my hand and began to walk. I went with her until she turned and realized I wasn't her husband. We broke it off.

A missed romance? Perhaps, but then again, not every encounter has a meaning. Moreover, judging from the size of her husband, discretion rules over possible broken bones.

It was a fill-in trip, some quick necessities and spurred only by the fact that Haagen-Dazs was buy one, get one free. Eureka! Not only that, But I discovered a new flavor that, after the fact, I learned that everyone was crazy about.

The new flavor is White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle and it is fantastic. The reason I bought it was that I could not find another one of my favorites, Pineapple Coconut, which, by the way, I was told about by a lady who was also buying Haagen-Dazs early last year.

But, I must admit, this new flavor surprised me. That's one of the good qualities of Haagen-Dazs. As for the other attractions at Publix, sight seeing is also one of my favorites.....

The News As I See It: Yesterday was the Wisconsin presidential primary, which could actually be pivotal for the Republican race for president. Milwaukee played a major role by making the beer that helped us through it.

Hillary Clinton said on "Meet the Press" that the FBI has not reached out to schedule an interview with her regarding her private email server. When asked how she'd respond to such a request, Hillary said, "Oh, I would delete it."

This week is the 43rd anniversary of the first cellphone call. Historians still don’t know which movie theater it took place in.

Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy wants to reduce Spain's three-hour siesta to one hour. They're just going to have a lunch break like everybody else. Instead of going home for their nap, they'd sleep at their desk like the rest of us.

This Date In History: 1830; Joseph Smith and five others organized the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Fayette, New York. 1862; The Battle of Shiloh in the American Civil War began. 1896; First modern Olympic Games opened in Athens, Greece.

1909; Robert Peary and Matthew Henson became the first to reach the North Pole. 1917; U.S. declared war on Germany and entered World War I. 1994; The presidents of Rwanda and Burundi were killed in a plane crash.

Picture Of The Day: Another surprising flavor is pineapple coconut. I highly recommend it.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Autocorrect and I are so compatible that we finish each other's sentinels. 2) It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they say, "Thank you for choosing Domino's." 3) "Walk it off" does not apply to everything. For example, you can't walk off stupidity unless it's into oncoming traffic. 4) The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.  5)  Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 6th: Only love can break your heart, but trans-fatty acids will take a damn good shot at it. Homelessness is a very poor way to begin the year so try to put aside a little for tomorrow.....tomorrow meaning the future, not the party on Wednesday at Shorty's Bar and Grill.

Birthdays: Raphael Santi, major Italian Renaissance painter 1483, James Mill, philosopher, economist and historian 1773, Anthony Fokker, aircraft manufacturer 1890, Andre Previn, conductor, composer and pianist 1929.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."

The host asked, "Why is that?" She replied, "Because after one drink I can feel it. After two drinks, anyone can!"

Once upon a time a man asked a woman to marry him. She said, "No!", and the man drank beer, caroused with women, stayed out late, used the guest towels, farted at will, didn't put the toilet seat down and lived happily ever after.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

Bald eagles mate for life. In an aerial courtship, the pair soars thousands of feet into the sky, interlock talons and perform the mating act while rapidly plummeting toward the ground in a series of somersaults.

I don't know much about eagle personalities, but if I were a female eagle and I looked down to see I was only 500 feet away crashing on jagged rocks and certain death, I think I'd fake an orgasm.

That's it for today, my little eaglets. Remember, spiders have feelings too, an undeniable but ultimately useless fact when the vacuum cleaner strikes. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !