Why Did This Doctor Roam NYC Instead Of Self Isolation?

One would think that even the flower children, Doctors Without Borders, would be wise enough to self-quarantine after treating African Ebola cases, but one would be wrong. I'm fine with these do-gooders going abroad to aid poorer nations, but make sure you don't return with some new disease we aren't prepared to control.

Good intentions notwithstanding, Dr. Craig Spencer came back from Guinea and carelessly went about his way in lieu of self-isolation. Spencer was rushed to Bellevue Hospital Center and placed in isolation as investigators sought to retrace every step he had taken over the past several days. At least three people he had contact with in recent days have been placed in isolation.

Dr. Spencer, 33, had traveled on the A and L subway lines Wednesday night, visited a bowling alley in Williamsburg and then took a taxi back to Manhattan.

Meanwhile, at today's Congressional hearing, newly appointed Ebola czar Ron Klain was imvited to appear but was a no-show. In his absence, a few Republicans tweaked Obama for choosing Klain, a lawyer with managerial experience, over someone with expertise in medicine.

Rep. Trey Gowdy, R-South Carolina, asked, "Why in the world did the president pick a dadgum lawyer?", pointing out that Klain doesn't have a background in communicable disease, infectious disease or West Africa.

With the continuing problems with ISIS, Islamic terrorists and now, Ebola, my confidence in Obama and Congress contiues to erode.....

Ron Klain, Obama's new "Ebola czar",  is a sharp-elbowed Democratic political operative with no medical expertise. Tapping him as "Ebola czar" may not be Obama’s best move when, as it is, no one can believe a word the Obama administration says.

That’s not just because Mr. Klain is yet another lobbyist recruited despite Obama’s vow that his administration would shun lobbyists. Klain was also a central player in Obama’s Solyndra fraud, which soaked taxpayers for over half a billion dollars for the benefit of Obama cronies.

The News As I See It: A diet pill endorsed by Dr. Oz was found to be based on bogus scientific research. Yeah, people are shocked that you can't trust a TV doctor named after a lying wizard.

Speaking of lying lizards wizards, the annual Wastebook report was released this week. It's an annual report that lists what Senator Tom Coburn describes as wasteful government spending. Our government spent $387,000 giving rabbits a daily massage. That doesn't sound wasteful to me. That sounds adorable.

It's kind of ironic for a member of Congress to be complaining about government waste. I think we spend around $5 billion every year on Congress. We don't seem to be getting anything out of that. What we got is a report on how much money they waste.

Speaking of major expenditures, a new Starbucks drink is on the way. They will soon be offering a chestnut praline latte. It's hard to criticize the government for wasteful spending when we pay $7 for candy-flavored coffee twice a day. They say a chestnut praline latte is the perfect beverage to buy a rabbit after a relaxing massage.

Scientists found they have evidence that human beings had sex with Neanderthals. Apparently the evidence is any episode of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey."

Someone jumped the White House fence again. The problem is that if the pizza doesn't get to Obama in 30 minutes, it's free and that comes out of their paycheck. I think we could solve this fence jumping if someone would just give Joe Biden a key.

This Date In History: 1648; The treaties for the Peace of Westphalia were signed, ending the Thirty Years War, ultimately destroying the Holy Roman Empire, and ushering in the modern European state system.

1901; Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to survive going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. 1931; The George Washington Bridge, connecting New York and New Jersey, opened to traffic.

1939; Nylon stockings were sold publicly for the first time, in Wilmington, Delaware. 1940; The 40-hour work week went into effect under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. 1945; The United Nations officially came into being as its charter took effect.

1992; The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to win the World Series. 2003; The last Concordes landed in London, ending supersonic air travel.

Picture Of The Day: The Facebook page of Dr. Craig Spencer prior to his trip to Guinea.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I think that my girlfriend got her hair highlighted because she felt some strands were more important than others. 2) I had a paper route when I was a kid. Every morning I would go to 300 houses or two dumpsters, depending on the weather.

3) Have you noticed the strange thing about men who hang out in bars a lot? It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there. They either have no wife to go home to...or they do. 4) A cop pulled me over in Miami and said, "Papers!" I said, "Scissors, I win", and drove away....ok, maybe not.

5) On a traffic light yellow means yield and green means go. On a banana, it's just the opposite. Yellow means go ahead, green means stop and red means you're holding an apple.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - October 24th: Walk without shoes for a day and you will soon understand the true nature of the soul. Life will throw many things at you over the coming months, including a book-shelf which you will have to assemble yourself because you bought it from Ikea.

You will overhear gossip today about your love life while you are on the toilet. This may cause you to dam your flatulence so you can hear the really juicy part. Chances of romance are 62.05 percent unless your attempt at damming your flatulence fails.

Birthdays: Antony van Leeuwenhoek, zoologist 1632, Belva Ann Bennett Lockwood, lawyer, activist 1830, Moss Hart, dramatist 1904, Denise Levertov, poet 1923, George Crumb, composer 1929, F. Murray Abraham, actor 1939, Kevin Kline, actor 1948.

How safe do you feel with this chubster as "Ebola czar"?

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Old Aunt Clara went to a new doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. She said to the doctor, "It's terrible! I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."

The doctor said, "I see. Have you done anything about it?" Aunt Clara replied, "Oh, yes. I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night." The doctor said, "No, I mean do you take anything?" Aunt Clara answered, "Just a magazine..."

Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here." Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?" Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

They're coming.....

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions. One seventy-year-old man says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."

A seventy-two-year-old man says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."

The seventy-five-year-old man says, "At seven I pee like a race horse and at eight I shit like a cow." The other men ask, "So what's your problem?" The man replied, "I don't wake up until nine."

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven, which part of your body goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." The nun said, "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." The nun said, "What a wonderful answer!"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet." The nun looked at him with a bewildered look on her face and said, "Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?"

Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night. Mom had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God! I'm coming!'" If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we would have lost her."

That's it for today, my little prairie puppies. Remember, if you are not committing any sins, you're probably not having a lot of fun. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour and maybe some karaoke.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Obama: Ebola Monitoring Must Be "More Aggressive"

Obama vowed today that his administration would provide "much more aggressive" monitoring of Ebola cases in the United States and warned that in an age of frequent travel the disease could spread globally if the world doesn't respond to the "raging epidemic in West Africa."

Ya think? Jimmy's Journal wrote the same thing on October 6th, to wit: "My concern with Ebola grows and I think it would be prudent to stop incoming flights from some countries. Some believe that this is unfair. I don't particularly give a rat's ass if it's fair or not. My concern is America and specifically, my family and friends."

Yet Thomas Duncan died On October 6th in a Texas hospital, as flights continued from Africa and two nurses who treated Duncan are now infected, as well. Does the Obama administration plan to stop Ebola the same way they've stopped ISIS? My patience is wearing thin!

The News As I See It: The most rat-infested city in the United States is Chicago. New York is fourth. I think that report is a bit misleading. The reason that New York is only fourth in rat population is that most of the rats grow old and retire to Florida.

It's hard to believe but they say that there are even more rats in L.A. than in Chicago, yet they are not ranked. I guess they're so focused on taking care of the Kardashian infestation that they forgot about the rats.

A new study has revealed that the reading level of presidential speeches has dropped significantly over the last 200 years. Or as Americans put it, "Why dat be?"

Obama played his 200th round of golf last week. Democrats said, “You know what? He can do whatever he wants as long as he's not trying to campaign for us.”

The fundraiser at Gwyneth Paltrow's house was a good idea for Obama. He found the one person in America with lower approval ratings than his.

Brad Pitt said this week that he doesn't feel safe in his own home without a gun. Pitt said, "I don't even know half these kids."

;This Date In History: 1066; The Normans, under William the Conqueror, defeated the English at the Battle of Hastings. 1933; Nazi Germany withdrew from the Geneva disarmament conference and the League of Nations.

1947; U.S. Air Force Captain Charles "Chuck" Yeager became the first person to travel faster than the speed of sound. 1964; Martin Luther King, Jr., was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his work in civil rights.

1968; The first live telecast from a staffed U.S. spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7th. 1990; Composer-conductor Leonard Bernstein died in New York at age 72.

Picture Of The Day: A second nurse infected with Ebola at a Texas hospital was flown by private jet Wednesday to Emory University Hospital in Atlanta for further specialized treatment.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 2) My ex-wife and I didn't think alike. She donated money to the homeless and I donated money to the topless! 3) Sometimes, when I am reading a good book, I stop to call and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. 4) If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be murder, suicide or merely making an obscene clone fall? 5) I got spam today stating that I had been selected for a complimentary psychic reading. Uh...didn't you know my answer before you sent it?.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 14th: The light is coming closer and soon you will see exactly what the future holds with that special someone. The light is a little bit blinding though. I'm pretty sure it's a light.  I've discussed it with a few other astrologers and it's either a light or a train. On second thought, you'd better listen for whistles, as well.

Birthdays: My friend Tim - Happy Birthday 19XX, James II, king of England, Scotland and Ireland 1633, William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania 1644, Elwood Haynes, inventor 1857, Dwight D. Eisenhower, American general and 34th President of the United States 1890, Lillian Gish, actress 1893, e.e. cummings, poet 1894, William Edwards Deming, management consultant 1900, Hannah Arendt, political theorist 1906, Roger Moore, actor 1927, Ralph Lauren, fashion designer 1939.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly couple were discussing plans to get married and wanted to iron out any potential problems with their particular properties.

The old woman said, "I want to keep my condominium in my name" The old man replied, "That's fine with me."

The woman said, "I also want to keep my Cadillac in my name only." The man said, "that's fine with me."

Then, the old lady said, "I want to have sex six days a week." The old man said, "That's fine with me - put me down for Fridays."

A man and woman were in divorce court awaiting the judge's ruling on the financial and property settlement. The judge said, "Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $750 a week."

Mr Clark said, "That's very fair, your honor, and every now and then, I'll try to give her a few bucks, myself."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group.

To break the ice and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised.

He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised.

After John polled his group several more times he noticed an old guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex.

The old guy said, "Once a year!" To John's dismay, he responds, "Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?" The old guy responds, "Tonight's the night!"

 A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.

The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".

The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.

No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face.

She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, a friend is someone who will help you move. A good friend is someone who will help you move a dead body. It's Wednesday and I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Health And Terror Issues Continue to Rise

My concern with Ebola grows and I think it would be prudent to stop incoming flights from some countries. Some believe that this is unfair. I don't particularly give a rat's ass if it's fair or not. My concern is America and specifically, my family and friends.

Furthermore, you can shove political correctness where the sun doesn't shine. If you're an asshole, then you should be referred to as an asshole.

Speaking of same, Obama seems unable to call Islamic terrorists what they are, unable to say that we're at war with ISIS and his fellow democrat, Nancy Pelosi, refers to illegal aliens as "undocumented people." The only thing left is to refer to looters as "undocumented shoppers".....
  

The News As I See It: Scientists are suggesting that Pluto should be considered a planet again eight years after it was classified as a dwarf planet. Americans are suggesting that scientists cut the crap about Pluto and figure out how to stop Ebola.

Secret Service Director Julia Pierson resigned and in her closing statement she said, "I'm leaving, not because of the breaches in security, but I don't think I can take the pressure of the upcoming trick-or-treaters." They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.

The Obamas celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary. It was a quiet late-night supper. It was just the Obamas and a couple of White House fence jumpers.

The world's oldest clown, Floyd "Creaky" Creekmore of Montana, passed away at age 98. He leaves a very big pair of shoes to fill. Funeral were worried because if too many of his co-workers show up, it could be a real circus. All of Creaky's co-workers will be attending the funeral in a tiny little car.

This Date In History: 1927; "The Jazz Singer," the first full-length talking picture, starring Al Jolson, debuted. 1949; Japanese-American broadcaster, Iva Toguri D'Aquino (Tokyo Rose), was sentenced to 10 years in prison and fined $10,000 for treason.

1973; The Yom Kippur War began when Syria and Egypt attacked Israel. 1979; President Jimmy Carter received Pope John Paul II, the first pope to visit the White House. 1981; Egypt's President Anwar Sadat was assassinated in Cairo. 1989; Bette Davis died in France at age 81.

Picture Of The Day: Unidentified member of Congress ponders pending Ebola and ISIS issues.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The Huffington Post says all that passive aggressive behavior can harm your relationship. In other news, water is wet and the sun is hot. 2) The word "literally" is going to be eliminated from the English language in 2015. Use it while you can, teenagers. 3) I once stayed in a motel that was so seedy, the Bible in the drawer only had 7 commandments. 4) I'm seriously considering telling the CDC I have Ebola, so they'll clean my house. 5) Lately, I’ve been experiencing economic déjà vu, the feeling that I’ve been in certain stores before and paid much lower prices.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 6th: Good times are in store for you tonight. Remember to gas up your car 'cause I'd hate to see you run out of gas on your way home. Don't pet goats tonight. Romance will be the farthest thing from your mind but the chances are 50-50 if you really want to know. Buy a lottery ticket!

Birthdays: My friends, Nancy, Patricia and Will - Happy Birthday all -19XX, Jenny Lind, soprano 1820, George Westinghouse, inventor 1846, Carole Lombard, actress 1908, Thor Heyerdahl, explorer and anthropologist 1914, Amy Jo Johnson, actor 1970, Rebecca Lobo, basketball player 1973.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: On their honeymoon, the new husband told his bride, "I have a confession to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship. His new bride asked lovingly, "What is it?"

He said, "I'm a golf fanatic. I think about golf constantly. I'll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win."

His new bride pondered this for a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, "I'm a hooker."

Her husband said, "No problem, just widen your stance a little, overlap your grip and that should clear it right up."

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life. She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs...enough times till her husband says, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?" With a seductive smile the woman purred, "Yes."

Her husband replied. "Thank God! For a moment there, I thought the stuffing was coming out of the sofa."
 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A husband and wife came for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into an angry tirade listing each and every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on speaking of neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unloveable, a long list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their quarter century of marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist stood up, walked around his desk and, asking the wife to stand, embraced her and kissed her passionately on the mouth. The woman shut up and, in a daze, quietly sat down.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least seven times a week. Do you think you can do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, Doc, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but I play golf on the other days, so she'll have to take the bus."

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related paraphernalia. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Air Force pilot shook his head and in true pilot fashion said. "And to think that all these years I've just been chewing gum."

That's it for today, my little hush puppies. Remember, try to become more reflective in life. Ponder about the "big" questions. What is life, why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !