Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Obama: Ebola Monitoring Must Be "More Aggressive"
Obama vowed today that his administration would provide "much more aggressive" monitoring of Ebola cases in the United States and warned that in an age of frequent travel the disease could spread globally if the world doesn't respond to the "raging epidemic in West Africa."
Ya think? Jimmy's Journal wrote the same thing on October 6th, to wit: "My concern with Ebola grows and I think it would be prudent to stop incoming flights from some countries. Some believe that this is unfair. I don't particularly give a rat's ass if it's fair or not. My concern is America and specifically, my family and friends."
Yet Thomas Duncan died On October 6th in a Texas hospital, as flights continued from Africa and two nurses who treated Duncan are now infected, as well. Does the Obama administration plan to stop Ebola the same way they've stopped ISIS? My patience is wearing thin!
The News As I See It: The most rat-infested city in the United States is Chicago. New York is fourth. I think that report is a bit misleading. The reason that New York is only fourth in rat population is that most of the rats grow old and retire to Florida.
It's hard to believe but they say that there are even more rats in L.A. than in Chicago, yet they are not ranked. I guess they're so focused on taking care of the Kardashian infestation that they forgot about the rats.
A new study has revealed that the reading level of presidential speeches has dropped significantly over the last 200 years. Or as Americans put it, "Why dat be?"
Obama played his 200th round of golf last week. Democrats said, “You know what? He can do whatever he wants as long as he's not trying to campaign for us.”
The fundraiser at Gwyneth Paltrow's house was a good idea for Obama. He found the one person in America with lower approval ratings than his.
Brad Pitt said this week that he doesn't feel safe in his own home without a gun. Pitt said, "I don't even know half these kids."
;This Date In History: 1066; The Normans, under William the Conqueror, defeated the English at the Battle of Hastings. 1933; Nazi Germany withdrew from the Geneva disarmament conference and the League of Nations.
1947; U.S. Air Force Captain Charles "Chuck" Yeager became the first person to travel faster than the speed of sound. 1964; Martin Luther King, Jr., was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his work in civil rights.
1968; The first live telecast from a staffed U.S. spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7th. 1990; Composer-conductor Leonard Bernstein died in New York at age 72.
Picture Of The Day: A second nurse infected with Ebola at a Texas hospital was flown by private jet Wednesday to Emory University Hospital in Atlanta for further specialized treatment.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. 2) My ex-wife and I didn't think alike. She donated money to the homeless and I donated money to the topless! 3) Sometimes, when I am reading a good book, I stop to call and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. 4) If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be murder, suicide or merely making an obscene clone fall? 5) I got spam today stating that I had been selected for a complimentary psychic reading. Uh...didn't you know my answer before you sent it?.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Libra - October 14th: The light is coming closer and soon you will see exactly what the future holds with that special someone. The light is a little bit blinding though. I'm pretty sure it's a light. I've discussed it with a few other astrologers and it's either a light or a train. On second thought, you'd better listen for whistles, as well.
Birthdays: My friend Tim - Happy Birthday 19XX, James II, king of England, Scotland and Ireland 1633, William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania 1644, Elwood Haynes, inventor 1857, Dwight D. Eisenhower, American general and 34th President of the United States 1890, Lillian Gish, actress 1893, e.e. cummings, poet 1894, William Edwards Deming, management consultant 1900, Hannah Arendt, political theorist 1906, Roger Moore, actor 1927, Ralph Lauren, fashion designer 1939.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An elderly couple were discussing plans to get married and wanted to iron out any potential problems with their particular properties.
The old woman said, "I want to keep my condominium in my name" The old man replied, "That's fine with me."
The woman said, "I also want to keep my Cadillac in my name only." The man said, "that's fine with me."
Then, the old lady said, "I want to have sex six days a week." The old man said, "That's fine with me - put me down for Fridays."
A man and woman were in divorce court awaiting the judge's ruling on the financial and property settlement. The judge said, "Mr Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully and I've decided to give your wife $750 a week."
Mr Clark said, "That's very fair, your honor, and every now and then, I'll try to give her a few bucks, myself."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: John just graduated from clinical psychology and opens his first office. After some successful advertising he is astounded to have nearly 300 people wanting to be in group therapy. John decides to rent a big hall and invite the entire group.
To break the ice and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. He first asks for a show of hands of all the people who had sex almost every night. A modest number of hands were raised.
He then asks, how many had sex once a week? This time a larger number of hands were raised. John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? Again a few hands were raised.
After John polled his group several more times he noticed an old guy sitting off to the side with this huge beaming grin on his face. John noticed that the guy never raised his hand, so he asked him how often he had sex.
The old guy said, "Once a year!" To John's dismay, he responds, "Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?" The old guy responds, "Tonight's the night!"
A guy can't obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The guy asks what the surgery is.
The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead.
The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to "try out his new equipment".
The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.
No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants. His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face.
She says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?" With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"
That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, a friend is someone who will help you move. A good friend is someone who will help you move a dead body. It's Wednesday and I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !