Looking Forward To A Great Sports Weekend

This weekend will have live coverage of the Kentucky Derby and the NASCAR Infinity Series at Talladega Super Speedway, Saturday night is the pay-per-view broadcast of the Mayweather- Pacquiao fight in Las Vegas and Sunday's finale is the Talladega 500 Sprint Cup Series.

It is a welcome break from non-stop media coverage of crime and lawlessness across the nation stemming from the death of a drug dealer at the hands of police.

While I condemn acts of police brutality, I also condemn the ignorant thugs who use someone's death as an excuse to destroy property and loot businesses.

I question the inrelligence of those who commit these acts of violence as they destroy their own neighborhoods and the few businesses who had the courage to establish themselves there. These acts only further widen the racial gap.

The News As I See It: The Baltimore riots caused the Baltimore Orioles and the Chicago White Sox to play a game in a completely empty stadium. It was the first major sporting event to be played in an empty stadium, unless you count every professional soccer game in America.

The NFL draft is under way. It will be simulcast on ESPN and Court TV.

Bruce Jenner will reportedly make a return to motivational speaking. And it's going to be a little tougher, because now he's only going to make 77 cents on the dollar.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six democrats under 30 who actually vote.

Ford has recalled almost 600,000 vehicles for steering problems. Owners are being told to bring their cars in as close to the dealership as they can get it.

The city of Chicago is building a new high school named after Obama. The school will be very popular...at first. Their student government won't be very good, but the golf team is expected to be amazing.

The undefeated Dortmund (Big Brown) heads the field in Saturday's run for the roses in the Kentucky Derby.

This Date In History: 1707; The Act of Union joined England and Scotland to form Great Britain. 1931; The Empire State Building opened in New York City. At 102 stories, it would be the world's tallest building for the next 41 years. Click to see the current tallest.

1941; Orson Welles's Citizen Kane, considered by many the greatest film ever made, premiered in New York. 1948; The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) was established with Kim Il Sung as president.

1960; The Soviet Union shot down an American U-2 reconnaissance plane over Soviet territory. 1967; Elvis Presley married Priscilla Beaulieu. (They divorced in 1973.)

1991; 44-year-old Texas fireballer Nolan Ryan hurled his seventh and final no-hitter in a 3-0 victory over the Toronto Blue Jays. That same day, Oakland's Rickey Henderson broke Lou Brock’s stolen base record.

2003; President Bush made a speech aboard an aircraft carrier proclaiming "major combat operations in Iraq have ended." 2009; For the first time in 341 years, a woman is appointed as poet laureate of the United Kingdom. Carol Ann Duffy, 53, will take over the post from current poet laureate Andrew Motion.

Picture Of The Day: Which way is Baltimore? I heard they have varmint problems.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Women seem to be unaware that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get into their car. 2) I find it strange how, after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together, the King's men thought, "Let's give the horses a shot at it." 3) My girlfriend said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her change her religion and gave her smallpox. 4) Then, the spiral staircase said, "Oh, look! Jimmy's drinking Grey Goose vodka on the rocks. Let's kill him!"  5) My girlfriend just opened a bottle of wine so my chances of getting laid tonight just went from 0 to 750ml.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 1st: The morning hours will be just so-so today and tomorrow your gas tank will go from zero to $50 in under a minute. A liter of Johnnie Walker Black scotch will take you blissfully into the weekend and a rousing Saturday night. Sunday morning, you will probably wake up underneath your neighbor's swing-set.

Birthdays: Joseph Addison, writer 1672, Mary Harris Jones, labor agitator 1830, Calamity Jane, frontier character 1852, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, philosopher 1881, Joseph Heller, writer 1923, Wes Anderson, filmmaker 1969.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph said, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out."

Joseph continued, "Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no f*cking bike."

A Texas cowboy and his bride ask the hotel desk clerk for a room, telling him they just got married that morning. The clerk says. "Congratulations!"

Looking at the cowboy, the clerk asks, "Would you like the bridal then?" The cowboy replies, "Naw, thanks. I reckon I'll just hold her by the ears 'til she gets the hang of it."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Three ladies are playing the fourth hole at a members-only golf club when a naked man with a bag over his head jumps out from behind the trees and runs across the green. The three ladies are in total shock at the size of his manhood!

The first lady says, "Well, he definitely isn't my husband." The second lady looks at his manhood and says, "He sure isn't my husband." The third lady takes a good look and says, "He's not even a member of this club!"

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

That's it for today, my little rug rats. Remember, when someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. That should tell you everything you need to know about marriage. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

Have a great weekend more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

I'll Be Enjoying the Kentucky Derby On A Lazy May Afternoon

The 135th running of the Kentucky Derby is tomorrow at Churchill Downs in Louisville. The Kentucky Derby is a Grade One stakes race for three year-old thoroughbred horses, held annually on the first Saturday in May and capping the two-week-long Kentucky Derby Festival.

The race is known as "The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports" for its approximate duration, and is also called "The Run for the Roses" for the blanket of roses draped over the winner. It is the first leg of the United States Triple Crown of Thoroughbred Racing and is followed by the Preakness Stakes then the Belmont Stakes.

If you've never attended a horse racing event, you really should do so at least once in your life. Growing up in Miami, I spent many a Saturday at the world renown Hialeah Race Course. The excitement of the horses in the paddock and on the track, the many beautiful women strolling the clubhouse in their finest and the prospect of a winning paramutuel ticket are fond memories of days gone by.

Aside from wagering on the race itself, the Kentucky Derby is a perfect example of pomp and circumstance with both the infield and clubhouse areas awash in fine clothing, drinks and revelry. A number of traditions play a large role in the Derby atmosphere. The Mint Julep, a historic iced drink consisting of bourbon, mint and a sugar syrup is the traditional beverage of the race.

Women, such as the lovely ladies pictured, appear in fine outfits lavishly accessorized with large, elaborate hats and are ready to party (Garnett, yours is the one on the right). As the horses are paraded before the grandstands, the University of Louisville marching band plays Stephen Foster's "My Old Kentucky Home."

The Derby is frequently referred to as "The Run for the Roses," because a lush blanket of 554 red roses is awarded to the Kentucky Derby winner each year. The tradition is as a result of New York socialite E. Berry Wall presenting roses to ladies at a post-Derby party in 1883 that was attended by Churchill Downs founder and president, Colonel M. Lewis Clark.

I Want Revenge, winner of the Wood Memorial, has been made the 3-1 morning-line favorite for Saturday's 135th running of the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs. Lightly raced Dunkirk and Santa Anita Derby champ Pioneer of the Nile are 4-1 co-second choices for Saturday, while Louisiana Derby winner Friesan Fire is next at 5-1.

The $2 million Run for the Roses has a full field of 20 three-year-olds entered for the 1 1/4 mile race. The race and pre-race activities will be televised on NBC.

The Cat's Ass Trophy (CAT Award) has one nomination from Robin, who nominated Octomom Nadya Suleman for her newest "pregnant" idea, a tattoo on the back of her left shoulder. One would think that taking care of 14 children might be her number one priority and keep her busy, but evidently not.

Between shopping sprees and television appearances and interviews, she still had time to "commemorate" her 14 fatherless children and set a fine example for them by getting a tattoo.

The CAT Award is open for nominations until Monday at noon and you can make a nomination either in your comments or by emailing me at jimsulliv3@aol.com

This Date In History: 1707; The Act of Union unites England and Scotland as the United Kingdom of Great Britain. 1851; The Great Exhibition, the huge display "...of the Works and Industry of All Nations", opens at the Crystal Palace in London. 1931; The Empire State Building in New York City has its official opening. 1941; Citizen Kane, starring and directed by Orson Welles, premieres in New York.

1945; Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels commits suicide as Russian troops storm Berlin at the end of World War II. 1967; American heartthrob Elvis Presley marries Priscilla Beaulieu in Las Vegas. 1997; Tony Blair wins the general election to become, at 43, the youngest British prime minister since Robert Banks Jenkinson, 2nd Earl of Liverpool, in 1812.

Picture Of The Day: The Kentucky Derby is today's theme and the choice of pictures. The splendor of the event and all the festivities culminate in the final two minutes as the starting gates open and the familiar cry of "and they're off!" echoes into the grandstands.

Twenty thoroughbreds will then race toward the first turn and the race begins to take shape. The speed horses normally surge to the front and as the horses head into the backstretch, you can see the jockeys manuevering their mounts for the third turn.

It's interesting to watch each jockeys "rate" his horse (tighten and restrict the reins so that the horse doesn't make its charge too early) and watch what happens when the jockey finally gives the horse its "head" (loosen the reins so that the horse can run to its full potential speed.

The final charge down the frontstretch is the most exhilerating moment of the race culminating as the horses pass underneath the "wire" (finish line) and the 135th winner of the Kentucky Derby adds its name to history.

Birthdays: Joseph Addison, essayist, poet, and statesman 1672, Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, British soldier and statesman, Prime Minister of Great Britain and Ireland (1828-1830), best known for his victory over Napoleon Bonaparte at the Battle of Waterloo 1769, George Inness, painter 1825, Glenn Ford, actor 1916, Joseph Heller, novelist 1923.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!" 2) My first legal gambling trip was to Dania Jai Alai and I won $325.00. Needless to say, since that date, I have personally have paid those winnings back many times over. 3) I've learned that the difference between a new wife and a new dog is that after a year, the dog is still excited to see you. 4) I love to gamble and one of the first lessons I learned was not to play with the rent money. 5) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

My thanks to my pals Linda and Robin for their contributions to today's graphics.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A hard working mother of three rarely had time for herself. The only relief she got was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that she loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn't want to hear them. To teach her a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they'd just get up, walk out and meet by themselves at another home.

Sure enough, at the next meeting, the woman started, "You know, girls, there's a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say...."

Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door. The woman was disconcerted but only for a moment, then she understood what was going on and said, "Hey, girls! Hold on! There's plenty of time 'cause the bus doesn't leave till morning!"

One day a man decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "Honey, what setting do I use on the washing machine for my shirt?" His wife replied, "It depends, what does it say on your shirt?" The man yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

Frank calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I can't come to work today, I'm really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt." The boss says, "You know Frank, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that." Two hours later Frank calls again and says, "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great. I'll be at work soon. By the way, you've got nice house."

That's it for today my little rosebuds. It's Friday and a trip to AREA 51 is definitely in order. It may be difficult to sip my Johnny Walker Black through my surgical mask but with some possible help from one of my lady friends, I'll give it a try. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !