"You Better Watch Out"

The Thanksgiving weekend has ended and the Christmas holidays begin with a bombardment of advertising from the television and print media and, of course, the daily barrage of junk mail from the U.S. Post Office. We will be hit with every scheme and email scam that every Nigerian can think of, not to mention our own home-grown scumbags.

One advertisement of late that drew my attention is not a scam at all, but an idea which, in fact, works rather efficiently. The thing that bothered me was the amount of money these charlatans are charging and the thought that somebody will actually purchase it. The item is called the "door guard" or something to that effect.

The idea is that both heat and cold escapes or enters a home that has doors which are not cut to fit properly (which in the construction of today is most of them). The answer is a few inches of cloth which run the length of the door that have a sewn rounded end on both sides which would allow the insertion of a closet pole on each end. Once the lengths of closet poles are inserted into the sewn pockets, the end view of the product would look like this " O__O ".

Once slipped under the bottom of the door, it would look like this "Ol__lO ". The product is efficient and would cost less than two dollars to produce. The advertisers, humanitarians that they are, are charging (you guessed it) $19.95 each, but if you call right now (and for the next two years or whenever they go out of business), they will send you two "door guards" for the same price.

Yep, the holidays are upon us, my friends, so keep your eyes and ears open for these and other types of schemes and scams of the season.

I did not go to AREA 51 on Friday, mostly due to the fact that some body parts were already begining to reject the notion of three days of partying and I had a quiet evening at home. This entire month will be one big party and it was probably best that I get into some semblance of shape for the upcoming fiestas.

It was announced today that we're in a recession and have been since December of 2007........ Duh !

This Date In History: 1135; Henry I dies, leaving Stephen of Blois able to claim the throne of England, throwing the nation into decades of civil war and anarchy. 1854; Miners on the Ballarat goldfields in Victoria rise up in the Eureka Rebellion demanding democratic rights, a key moment in the early history of Australia.

1935; Chiang Kai-shek is elected chairman of the Kuomintang Executive Council, thereby becoming virtual ruler of China. 1942; The Beveridge Report, the blueprint for Britain’s welfare state, is published. 1959; The Antarctic Treaty, designed to preserve the uninhabited continent of Antarctica for peaceful purposes, is signed by 12 nations.

Picture Of The Day There's something to say about snow angels and this is the time of year they often appear. I've emailed Santa Claus as to my Christmas wishes and he asked for an EKG printout before he considers my request.

Birthdays: Henry Williamson, novelist and nature writer 1895, Georgy Zhukov, Soviet military officer 1896, Woody Allen, American film director, actor, and writer 1935, Bette Midler, American actress and singer 1945.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

There will be no Nativity Scene in the United States Congress, this year! The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in the United States capital this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

A son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?" The father answers, "Well, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." The boy said, "Onions?" His father replied, "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

His infuriated wife said, "And how many kinds of 'willies' are there? A man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" asked the boy. "Yes," said the mother, "Dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

That's it for today my little candy canes. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

And Now A Week Of Turkey Sandwiches !

Although I said I probably wouldn't go out on Hump Day, I probably did! Oh yeah, I did! I really wasn't going to go out but, at the last minute, my partner in crime, Emilio, called and said there was a big poker game at the cigar club ( I think it's called the Havana Cigar Club, but I'm still not sure). Needless to say, We headed on over to the club and sure enough, a poker game broke out. I didn't play, mainly because there was a very lovely bartender all by herself and I didn't think it would be gentlemanly to leave her all alone (that's my story and I'm sticking to it).

Later in the evening, the bartender was busy serving drinks to the poker players, so I took a stroll over the Billiards Club (which, incidentally, is in the same shopping center as the cigar club) and what to my wondering eyes should appear but.....my sweet Nicole. Actually, I knew she was going to appear because I called her from the cigar club. About two hours later, Emilio called and was ready to go home, but I told him that I had found a ride home.

Thanksgiving day was definitely laid back and I ended up going up to Weston to party with some good friends. The host has a great music room, complete with drums, keyboards, guitars and a great p.a. system so we ended up jamming a lot. There's is also a baby grand piano in another room and I spent half the evening between the two music areas. I have no idea what time I finally got home, but I know I went to the party at 10:00 p.m., so take it from there.

So, today's Friday and I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. In theory, tonight's party night in AREA 51, but I'm not real sure if I have any gas left. Oh, my car's got plenty of gas, I'm just not real sure about the driver. I know I said the same thing on Wednesday, but you should know me by now. It's early yet, we'll see.

This Date In History: 1520; Ferdinand Magellan sails around South America from the Atlantic Ocean, reaching an ocean that he names “Pacific” (meaning “peaceful”) because of its calmness. 1893; The first women in the world ever to vote in a national election do so in New Zealand.1919; Nancy Astor becomes the first-ever woman to take a seat in the House of Commons as an MP.

1943; The Tehran Conference, during World War II, sees the so-called “Big Three” of Marshal Joseph Stalin, President Franklin Roosevelt, and Prime Minister Winston Churchill meet for the first time. 1990; Margaret Thatcher officially resigns as prime minister after more than 11 years in office, and is replaced by John Major.

Picture Of The Day There's just something about Autumn that I just can't resist. I like the nip in the air, the way the sunlight seems to shine a bit differently on the trees and the general feel of the coming winter season. I found a few more pictures which reflect those feelings and I wanted to share them with you.


Birthdays: Jean Baptiste Lully, Italian-born French composer 1632, William Blake, poet, painter, and engraver 1757, Friedrich Engels , German revolutionary political economist and co-founder, with Karl Marx, of scientific socialism, now known as Communism 1820, Sir Leslie Stephen, biographer, critic, and philosopher 1832, Randy Newman, American pop singer and composer 1944.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A man goes into his dentist's office as something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination the dentist exclaimed, "Holy Smoke!!! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded. What on earth have you been eating?"

The man replied, "Well the only thing that I can think of is this...My wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it. Hollandaise Sauce, she called it. And, Doctor, I'm talking delicious. I've never tasted anything like it. And ever since I've been putting it on everything--meat, fish, toast, vegetables, you name it.

"The dentist responded, "That's probably it. Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. I'll have to install a new plate, but this time I'll make it out of chrome."

The man asked,"Why chrome?" The dentist replied , "Well, everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."

A man was in the mall, having a hamburger at the food court. A teen came up and sat down beside him, giving him the "I'm bad" typical teen look. The boy's hair was dyed in shades of blue, yellow, green, red and orange. The man couldn't help but stare at the kid's hair.

Finally, the teen looked over, saw the man staring and said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"

The man replied, "As a matter of fact, I have. I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

That's it for today my little candied yams. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay turned !

Have A Happy Thanksgiving !

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and the first thing I want to do is thank all of you for putting up with my shenanigans and stopping by to read my journal. Have a very special Thanksgiving Day and enjoy your family and friends.

I'm not really sure if tonight will be an AREA 51 evening, but knowing myself relatively well, there's a good chance I'll at least make happy hour to see my pals. I'm sure I'll be home early because if I party tonight, tomorrow and Friday, chances are that it will take me a week to find all my body parts.

I've been watching the government bailout program and I have emailed Washington, letting them know that if I do not receive a bailout loan from them in the amount of $1,000, I may have to curtail my public service reports about the various nightclubs, cafes and restaurants in AREA 51. This loan will enable me to continue my reports and help my advisor, Johnnie Walker Black and myself to complete this important work.

There's a new plan out to piss off Obama and the democrats. Bush should resign now. Dick Cheney would then become President. Then Cheney appoints Condoleeza Rice as Vice President. Cheney resigns two weeks later and Condoleeza Rice, a Republican, becomes the first Black woman President! I could live with that!

This Date In History 1504; Isabella I of astile, who with her husband, Ferdinand of Aragón, had united Spain as one nation, dies in Medina del Campo aged 53. 1703; The Great Storm of 1703, the most severe storm ever recorded in the British Isles, hits southern England and the English Channel, killing about 8,000 people and causing unprecedented damage.

1789; Thanksgiving Day is first celebrated as a national holiday in the United States. 1906; Theodore Roosevelt visits Panama, becoming the first sitting US president to travel abroad. 1965; France successfully launches the Diamant A rocket into space, becoming the world's third space power after the Soviet Union and the United States.

Picture Of The Day Thanksgiving is probably one of my favorite days in that it is really a day for family and friends. Christmas Day always seems to be hurried and a lot of travelinging to different places, dropping off gifts and visiting lots of people. Thanksgiving, on the other hand is usually a simple task. It's usually one place, go there, eat until you shouldn't and enjoy the day.

There's always a football game on and in my case, sooner or later a poker game breaks out, but the end result is that the holiday is always laid back and relaxing. I also look forward to the care package that is always given to me to take home, filled with enough turkey and trimmings to last me a week.

Birthdays: John Harvard, clergyman 1607, William Cowper, poet 1731, Mary Edwards Walker, American doctor and feminist 1832, Cyril Cusack, Irish actor 1910, Charles Schulz, American comic-strip artist 1922, Tina Turner, American singer 1939.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

An elderly man picked his new date at the rest home and they went to the river to ride in his boat. As he came to the fork in the river, he was undecided as to go up river or down river. He said to his date, "Up or down?" She immediately tore off her clothes and made passionate love to him. At the next fork in the river, he again asked, "Up or down" and the woman, once again, ripped off her clothes and made love to him.

The next day, he picked her up again and at the fork in the river, he asked, "Up or down?" The old woman said "Down". Disappointed, he steered down river until the next fork. Once again, he asked, "Up or down?" The old woman responded, "Up".

The man was thoroughly baffled and finally said to the woman, "Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made love to me. What's the deal?" The woman said, "Yesterday, I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were 'hump or drown."

That's it for today my little drumsticks. Have a happy Thanksgiving Day and more on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

It's Turkey Week And Changes Are Coming !

Friday's sojourn to AREA 51 was a long and interesting evening. I started out at Lakes Cafe which is usually good but, when I arrived, I saw that changes have been made. I arrived around 10:30 but to my surprise, there was no karaoke show. Instead, they had a unimaginative DJ playing songs and the crowd was noticeably larger and younger.

Large crowds don't bother me too much, but I prefer a good mix of ages and a good mix of songs. Another thing that bothered me was that there were three police cars with lights ablaze in the rear of the building. Normally, this type of scenario usually spells trouble and I had one drink and left.The new owners are probably just experimenting and they had a good crowd, but young people are sometimes fickle and when they get bored, they move on. What's hot this month could be quite dead next month. We'll see.

I left Lakes to visit some friends who had called me earlier in the week at a very chic cigar club. I rarely go to cigar clubs, but I promised I'd meet them and so I did. As it turned out, the club was small and relatively smoke free. The lights were pleasingly low, the music smooth and a nice glass of chilled white wine was the perfect punctuation to the evening.

From the cigar club (I really don't remember the name), I went to The Billiards Club for a nightcap and arrived home sometime early Saturday morning. It was a pleasant evening with great friends.

This Date In History 1642; Dutch navigator Abel Tasman discovers Tasmania. 1859; On the Origin of Species, Charles Darwin’s revolutionary text in the history of the biological sciences, is first published. 1922; Writer Erskine Childers is executed during the Irish Civil War for the illegal possession of a firearm.

1962; The satirical television program "That Was The Week That Was" is first broadcast. 1963; Jack Ruby shoots dead Lee Harvey Oswald, the accused assassin of President John F. Kennedy. 1987; Li Peng succeeds Zhao Ziyang as premier of China.

Picture Of The Day Word has it that the new White House puppy has been selected and through my Washington contacts, I was able to get a sneak picture preview for you. The presidential transition team reports that the puppy's name will either be Jesse, Podium Al or Reverend Wright.

In other news, since his meeting with President-elect Obama, President George Bush has undergone noticeable changes in his demeanor and is possibly considering running for the upcoming Secretary of State position.

Turkey's are becoming more difficult to find this week and prices are climbing rapidly. It is said that the turkey has a keen sense of the holiday calendar and becomes more and more elusive aroungd the holidays.

Birthdays: Zachary Taylor, 12th president of the United States 1784, Grace Darling, British heroine 1815, Frances Hodgson Burnett, American novelist 1849, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, French Post-Impressionist painter 1864, Scott Joplin, American composer and pianist 1868.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" The young man replied, "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks." The pastor inquired, "What happened?"

The young man said, "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."The pastor said, "You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church."The young man said, "That's ok, we're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, Bell 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go. From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When say Bell 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night."

The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off. When he yelled "Bell 2!", the wife jumped into bed. When he yelled "Bell 3!", they began making love.

After a few minutes the wife yelled, "Bell 4!" The fireman said, "What the hell is Bell 4?" His wife replied, "Roll out more hose! You're nowhere near the fire!"

That's it for today my little brush fires. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

At First I Thought I Was Sentenced To The Guillotine...

I received an award from my pal, Linda, called the Marie Antoinette Award and on the icon, it reads "real people, real blogs." Fortunately, I qualify for both of those descriptions as each year, the IRS takes money from me (which makes me real) and every time I click the link to make an entry in my journal, this particular site comes up, so I assume that my journal (I hate the word blog...sounds too much like clog) is real.

The award comes with rules and two of the main ones are to pass the award to up to ten deserving "blogs" and to post links or something to that effect. With my understanding of mathematics and multiplication, I assume that sooner or later, the award will be given to most all of the journalists, especially the people who were forced to flee communist AOL by boat or raft, cross the Florida Straits and seek refuge at Blogspot.Com. I can't think of a more deserving group of persistent people than AOL journalists. Be that as it may, I will limit the number of people who I feel deserve this award as given by me.

Being somewhat of a non-conformist, I will forego the detailed rules and just mention some of the people who have been kind enough to follow my journal for the past two years and in that time, have become very special to me. If I were to go into detail about each and every one of the following people, today's entry would become a book, I'd have to hire a literary agent, go on a book tour, sign books and......, but I digress.

I know that some of these people (who I will list in alphabetical order for my own safety) already have been given this award, but I want them to know that I considered them as well:

1) Anne - Saturday's Child 2) Garnett - my Brain is In Pain 3) Jackie - Life In Bama 4) Julie - Julie's New Journal 5) Missy - My Sanctuary 6) Myra - The Randomness Of It All 7) Nancy - Nancy Loves Pix 8) Pamela - Times Of My Life 9) Paula - Pauline's Country Tales 10) Rose - Roses Are Read 11) Sherry - Sherry's Journey.

I could go on and on as I am fortunate to know and read several other fine journalists who are always a pleasure to read. I would be remiss not to say that my pal Linda would also be on the list as well as my pal, Indigo, but they've already been bombarded with the same award and deservedly so.

It's Friday and I'm going to AREA 51 tonight with a little bit of a different agenda in mind. I've spoken to a few different lady friends that I haven't seen in a while and they all wanted to know where I've been hanging out lately. So, with that in mind, I'll probably see them this evening in AREA 51 and that will be fun.

TodaysThoughts: What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about? Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

This Date In History: 1620; The Mayflower, in which the Pilgrims crossed the Atlantic Ocean to the New World, drops anchor off the site of present-day Provincetown, Massachusetts. 1695; Henry Purcell, widely considered to be England's greatest native composer, dies in London aged about 36. 1918; As part of the Armistice terms that ended World War I, the German fleet surrenders to Britain at Scapa Flow, Orkney.

1942; The Alaska Highway, linking Canada with Alaska, is completed. 1995; The Dayton Peace Accord, officially ending the Bosnian-Croatian-Serbian War, is signed in Dayton, Ohio.

Picture Of The Day: It's Friday and there's some fine fillies somewhere out there in AREA 51 that I haven't seen in a while so I thought I'd kinda give you a visual image of what I was thinking.

Birthdays: Voltaire, French writer and intellectual 1694, Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch, author and writer who published under the pen name of Q 1863, René Magritte, Belgian painter and artist 1898, Coleman Hawkins, American jazz musician 1904, Malcolm Williamson, Australian composer 1931.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

A woman who had bags under her eyes wanted to get them removed so she could look younger so she went to a plastic surgeon. She tells the doctor I cant get rid of these bags please help me. The doctor says he is gonna try and new experimental technique on her. He will put a crank in the back of her head and when she sees bags under her eyes she's supposed to crank it and the bags will go away.

So she gets this crank put in her head and leaves. It works and works for a while until one day she cant get rid of these bags under her eyes. She cranks and cranks as hard as she can but they just won't go away.

So she goes to the doctor.She says to the doctor, "Doctor, this was working for a while, but I can't seem to get rid of these bags under my eyes." The doctor replies, "Lady those aren't bags, those are your boobs." The woman replied, "Now that explains why I have this goatee."

That's it for today my saucy little cranberries. Have a great and safe weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

Blow Them Out Of The Water !

The continuing hijackings stemming from the country of Somalia makes me wonder why someone doesn't just go over there and take them out. It's tantamount to a flea hijacking a dog and holding it for ransom. The answer, quite frankly is simple. I would arm these large tankers with the proper missiles and post a very colorful large flag stating that any vessel coming within 1,000 yards would be blown out of the water. After the second or third incident, these highjackings would come to an abrupt halt. Between the Somalia highjackers and the constant email scammers from Nigeria, perhaps our new president may have some idea how to handle the situation.

Somalia pirates and their hostages

India has the right idea. The Indian navy sank a suspected pirate "mother ship" and chased two attack boats into the night. This happened as the owners of a seized Saudi oil supertanker negotiated for the release of their vessel and its $100 million cargo. The Indian warship, operating off the coast of Oman, stopped a ship similar to a pirate vessel described in numerous bulletins. The Indian navy said the pirates in the Gulf of Aden fired on the INS Tabar after the officers asked to search it.

"Pirates were seen roaming on the upper deck of this vessel with guns and rocket propelled grenade launchers," said a statement from the Indian navy. Indian forces fired back, sparking fires and a series of onboard blasts — possibly due to exploding ammunition — and destroying the ship.

Previously captured Somali Pirates

It's time to start fighting fire with fire in the many instances of murder, robberies and highjackings, not only abroad but at home as well. The world is full of street monkeys and thugs and once the word gets around that crimes of this sort will result in immediate death, you'll see a rapid decrease in crimes of this nature.

It's Hump Day and a trip to AREA 51 sounds like an excellent idea. It's been chilly in Miami for a few days now and a nice sport jacket will be in order for tonight's trek. Combine that with a beautiful companion and a glass of Johnny Walker Black and that will complete the evening quite well.

A local man was found murdered in his home in California over the weekend. Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub. The tub had been filled with milk and corn flakes, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks. Police suspect a cereal killer.

This Date In History: 1759; During the Seven Years’ War, the Royal Navy, commanded by Admiral Edward Hawke, defeats a French fleet at the Battle of Quiberon Bay, ending a French invasion scare. 1917; At the Battle of Cambrai, in World War I, tanks are employed en masse for the first time in warfare, but the hoped-for British breakthrough of the German lines is not achieved.

1945; After weeks of deliberations, the first day of the International Military Tribunal’s trial of 24 senior Nazis on charges of war crimes begins in Nuremberg. 1975; General Francisco Franco, dictator of Spain since 1939, dies in Madrid aged 82. 1992; Windsor Castle is badly damaged by fire.

Photo Of The Day I am really irritated with these pieces of garbage who are flagrantly doing what they damned well please. I guarantee that I could resolve this issue in less time than it takes to take an unmanned drone warplane to fire strike missiles.

Birthdays: Thomas Chatterton, poet 1752, Edwin Hubble, American astronomer, who proved the existence of large star systems, or galaxies, far outside the Milky Way 1889, Alistair Cooke, broadcaster and journalist 1908 Emilio Pucci, Italian fashion designer and statesman 1914, Robert F. Kennedy, American political leader and legislator 1925.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

Doctor Johnson was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor. He was late getting home and was going a little faster than normal. Suddenly, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, and motioned him to the side of the bridge. Dr. Johnson pulled over like a good citizen.

The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, boy?" Dr. Johnson thought for a second and said, "Uh, 60?" The cop said, "57 miles per hour in a 55 zone. I'm going to give you a ticket."

The cop took a good close look at Dr. Johnson in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!" Dr. Johnson thought about the cop's bad attitude and answered, "I'm a doctor and I have a good, well-paying job!"

The cop leaned in the window, smelling the doctor's fish, and said, "What kind of job would a bum like you have?" Doctor Johnson, becoming more irritated with the cop's attitude replied, "I'm a rectum stretcher!" The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"

The doctor explained, "My patients sometimes have bathroom problems and they need to be stretched. I slowly stretch their anus until it's a full six feet across."

The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six-foot asshole?" Dr. Johnson repled, "You give him a radar gun and place him by a bridge!"

That's it for today my little tic tacs. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

Veni, Vidi, Vici !

Experience is a word that everyone defines in their own way. Like taste, is something that is acquired. Most of us have our own little area of our mind where we store this acquired knowledge for future use. As we begin to learn that youth is fleeting, experience can become a very useful asset if utilized properly.

Like the younger player who sometimes loses to an older player, it is usually experience that is the determining factor in the game itself. Of course, all parties in the game gain experience with each encounter, but it is the wiser player who uses it for future reference who benefits most.

In my journeys to AREA 51, I often see things that absolutely bewilder me. Recently, I saw three guys who happen to be within earshot and I overheard them say something about another guy who was with a good looking young woman. None of them could believe why the woman was with that particular guy.

I glanced over at the young man. He was wearing a jacket and and slacks. He lit the young woman's cigarette and when she got up to go to the restroom, he stood up as well, removed her chair from her path and walked her to the restroom door.

I looked again to the three guys as the couple walked past them. Two of them were wearing baggy shorts, two of them were wearing flip-flops and all of them wore T-shirts.......on a Saturday night. I turned back to the bar, took a sip of my Johnny Walker Black and just smiled.

The Cat's Ass (CAT) Trophy Award: There were no nominees last weeks for the prestigious CAT Award,so in the interim, I thought I'd tell you how this award originated. The Cat's Ass Trophy was derived from the word "catastrophe" (cat-as-trophe), which is usually the genesis of most of the faux pas' and bad decisions that merit the award. With all of the awards today honoring and lauding seemly anyone and everyone, I thought that we should recognize deserving dimwits who constantly surprise us with their acts of stupidity and the like.

This Date In History: 1724; Jack Sheppard, the criminal and folk hero famed for his spectacular prison escapes, is hanged in front of a crowd of 200,000 at Tyburn, in London. 1857; During the Indian Mutiny, the siege of Lucknow is briefly lifted by a British force, with a record 24 Victoria Crosses being won for extreme bravery in one day. 1907; Oklahoma becomes the 46th state of the United States.

1920; In the Russian Civil War, the Red Army inflicts the final defeat on the White Army, which is then forced to evacuate Russia by sea from the Crimean Peninsula. 1936; Edward VIII confides to the prime minister, Stanley Baldwin, that he intends to marry American divorcee Wallis Simpson, even if it means his abdication.

Picture Of The Day: When I ran across this picture, I liked it immediately. The picture itself was not what attracted my attention, rather the combination of lighting, subject matter and attitude, combined with a sterling definition of experience. It's a word that you learn the the first time you touch the proverbial hot stove after being warned against it. As time passes, a lot of things that happen to you are added to that ever-growing category. If you are intelligent, you begin to draw from that particular wealth of knowledge......most of the time.

Birthdays: William Frend De Morgan, pottery designer and novelist 1839, W. C. Handy, American composer, cornettist, and bandmaster 1873, George S. Kaufman, American playwright, director, and producer 1889, Paul Hindemith, German-American composer and violinist 1895, Oswald Mosley, leader of the British Union of Fascists 1896.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

There was a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Mama mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses."

Once there was an old man sitting on a bench in the park crying. A younger man walked up to him and asked "What's wrong?" The old man replied "I am married to a sexy 21 year old woman and we have sex the minute I get home from work and right after dinner." The young man had a strange look on his face and asked "What's so bad about that? It sounds to me like you have a great sex life." The old man replied "I can't remember where I live!"

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" "Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

That's it for today my little basket weavers. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !