Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Hump Day Is Always A Good Reason For Happy Hour !

In the news last week, there were quite a few stories of interest and as per my wont, I've got a few things to say. But, let's begin with one of my pet media peeves. Someone needs to send a bulletin to many of the "learned" media by explaining that it's not " a tough road to hoe."

The adage "that's a tough row to hoe" refers to hoeing rows on a farm. To have a “tough” or “hard” or “long” or “difficult” row to hoe means to have a daunting task to perform. Of course, for many of the CNN anchors, the term is even more confusing as they have a tendency to visualize the phrase as "a tough road for a ho."

The Walt Disney Company has purchased Marvel Comics for a reported 4 billion dollars. I wonder if we'll see a cross-pollination of Disney and Marvel characters in the future? Will Snow White and Spiderman become an item or will Spidey come out of the closet and hook up with Peter Pan? Will the Fantastic Four team up with Huey Dewy and Louie? Has Hannah Montana got an eye for The Incredible Hulk? Only time will tell....

Van Jones, the White House Special Advisor for Green Jobs, resigned early Sunday morning after news reports of a derogatory comments Jones made in the past. It amuses me that CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC and others are all over this story, yet not one of them ever reported on a December 2, 2007 statement by Jones that "only suburban white kids shoot up schools". Where's "Podium Al" Sharpton when you need him?

Superferry 9, a Philippine passenger ship, sank off the Zamboanga Peninsula early Sunday morning. At least five people have drowned and more than 63 are still missing. Superferry 9 has been reportedly involved in two other mishaps in 2006 and 2007. Is it me or does it seem like every time there's a ferry disaster it's either in the Philippines or Indonesia.

For those of you with children and have not opted to either cripple them or move without giving them the new address, this might interest you. There is a new food-labeling campaign called the "Smart Choices Program." The label is a "front-of-package" designation whereby consumers can see if their food purchases meet the criteria set forth by the program for healthy eating.

The purpose of the campaign is to designate a "food item that is a 'better for you' product, as opposed to having an x on it saying 'Don't eat this.'" Some of the "smart choices are Froot Loops, Fudgsicles, lunchables and mayonaise. With Froot Loops' first ingredient being sugar, a substance that comprises 44% of its caloric composition and other fun stuff like partially hydrogenated vegetable oil and 4 different types of food coloring, the question is: better than what?

The program costs $100K to opt into, the main participants in the Smart Choices Program are a who's who of behemoth industrial food purveyors: Kellogg's, Kraft Foods, ConAgra Foods, Unilever, General Mills, PepsiCo and Tyson Foods. Whether Froot Loops and Mayonnaise should be part of your diet is a personal choice but calling these packaged, highly processed, fat and sugar-laden, foods a "smart choice" is absurd.

This Date In History: 1513; James IV of Scotland is killed at the Battle of Flodden Field. 1914; The First Battle of the Marne ends, in which German troops are decisively halted in their drive towards Paris. 1943; The US Fifth Army, under General Mark W. Clark, stages a landing near Salerno as the Allies invade Italy. 1976; Mao Zedong, the leader of the People's Republic of China since its founding in 1949, dies at the age of 82.

Birthdays: Cardinal Richelieu, French statesman 1585, William Bligh, British naval officer, born in Plymouth. He sailed under the explorer and navigator James Cook on Cook's second voyage around the world (1772-1775) 1754, Luigi Galvani, Italian physiologist 1737, Leo Tolstoy, Russian author 1828, Otis Redding, US singer-songwriter 1941, Hugh Grant, actor 1960.

Picture Of The Day: Word has it that Fifi has been hanging around too much Snoop Dog and viewing her current litter of pups, I'd surmise that there may be a bit of truth to that rumor.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) To combat against the Swine Flu, give your pigs and hogs Advil, vitamin C, and plenty of liquids. 2) You may have noticed that Jimmy's Journal did not have a Monday entry. This was due to the fact that Jimmy was occupied Sunday evening and slept on and off again most of Monday. The entry was already written and ready for posting, but when Jimmy finally came out of his coma, it was 1:00 am on Tuesday. 3) One of the proposed changes to save money under Obamacare is that all breast exams will be done at Hooters. 4) Men chase women they have no intention of marrying for the same reason that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. 5) If you'd like to hear a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word, get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO !".....and that's five !

The AREA51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A old man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect and I can hear perfectly." His neighbor said "Really? What kind is it?" The old man says, "Twelve thirty."

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" The little old man replied, No, arthritis."

An elderly woman was being questioned by police after she shot a thug 6 times in the back as he was running away with her purse. She had her hand on her gun when he grabbed the purse, and she was left with the revolver in her hand. When asked by the police officer why she shot the man 6 times in the back as he was running away she replied, "Because when I pulled the trigger the 7th time it only went click."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog. They come to a busy intersection and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of the traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on other side of the street and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "I just need to find out where his head is, so I can kick him in the ass."

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day. Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico ?" Al replies, "I don't know, let' s ask our waiter." When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks." He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."

Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?" The waiter replies, "I check once again, senor! While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."

The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook Tom say there is no Mexican Jews. " Sid says, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!" The exasperated waiter says, Senor, I ask everyone. All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, and Tomato Jews."

That's it for today my little Pez dispensers. It's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. Remember, never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

Jimmy , they are putting smart choice labels on my organic Mexican Oregano.
Now I'm Smo...Er I mean cooking healthy now!

Rose said...

I hit the floor on the Mexican Jews joke..........too funny!

Hugs, Rose
P.S. You surely are finding some amazing graphics...where is your secret playground to browse?

Julie said...

Same with certified meat, all bought and paid for. So, what did you do Sunday....... hummmmm. the mind wanders.... and wonders......

Missie said...

Happy Hour on Hump Day sounds good to me!!

Enjoy your night.

Senorita said...

This country is so full of lard asses and it's no secret why. Items like fruit loops and mayo are considered healthy.

What the hell ever happened to fruits and vegetables ?

I guess no one endorses produce so it's not worth mentioning.

Coelha :B said...

Happy Hump DAy!!! :)

Paula said...

I had such a good laugh tonight out of your entry. I love those old age jokes because I'm there and its better to laugh then to cry.

Tabby said...

Hiya Jimmy,

Love all the graphics....LOL Glad you slept off your Monday night fun. Thanks for the LOL's as always. Happy Friday!

natalie said...

Dear Jimmy,
thank you ever so much for your great comments sweetheart!
If only everyone had such a great friend as you are to me we would all be so lucky!
Hey why does Disney want Marvel comics? as a money maker? hmmm very interesting....
I loved the good food plug on boxes that you mentioned! hehe!
The puppies were great too!