"You've Got Mail.....Oops, I Mean you've Got Spam !"

Did you ever wonder just who in hell is responsible for the daily email you receive? It doesn't really matter what email you happen to use, you still get the daily stream of Nigerian scammers trying to bilk you out of your money. The only fortunate thing about the Nigerians is that they're rather stupid and the majority of the spam you receive is easily recognized and deleted.

The strange thing about emailing is that these same scammers get through all the safety barriers every day. Yet there are times that when I send out email, it comes back from our good friend daemon-mailer giving me a number of undecipherable reasons why my email could not be delivered. Maybe the name of that unknown email entity should be Demon-Mailer. Personally, I think it just depends on how your luck runs.

In the United States mail, if you're lucky, your letter carrier is almost like a member of the family and all of your mail is delivered promptly and neatly. On the other hand, if your letter carrier is like the last one I had, you could be in big trouble. Imagine, if you will, the Hunchback of Notre Dame cramming all of your mail into the mail box in the same manner that a bull would stroll about in a china shop. Fortunately for me, Igor is no longer delivering my mail and the new letter carrier is super efficient and pleasant. But, I digress....

The responsible party(ies) for delivering email should expose Demon-Mailer for the true sadist that he is and put some responsible party in charge of weeding out the Nigerian scumbags and other scammers who ably find their way into my daily email.

In The News: Muammar Khadafi was interviewed on the Larry King show the other evening. Aside from the normal ramblings of the 67 year old dictator, I couldn't help but notice his jet black hair and face so tight from cosmetic surgery that even Joan Rivers would be jealous. Roman Polanski was recently arrested in Switzerland on charges of drugging and raping of a 13-year-old girl in 1977. Letters of protest have emerged from many people including Woody Allen. If I was Polanski, the last guy I'd want help from would be Woody Allen, who had an affair with his 14 year-old step-daughter Soon-Yi Previn and then married her.

The Joy Behar Show premiered last evening and I watched most of it. I was curious if Behar, the ofttimes rude, liberal panelist on "The View," would handle herself any better going solo. Behar, a former stand-up comedian, can be amusing when she sticks to comedy, but her rude interruptions on the view can be a bit irritating at times.

Bay Buchanan and Jeanine Garafalo, paired in a discussion with Behar about today's politics, were the perfect example of oil and water. Buchanan railed on about the tea party protesters being picked on by the left wingers and Garaofalo, a paranoid, either ranted obsessively (ad nauseum) or just muttered under her breath. You know things are getting tense when Behar, who normally feels at home stirring up controversy, politely tried to keep things in check.

The only memorable moment of the evening was the appearance of the Devine Miss M, Bette Midler, who looked fantastic. All in all, I wasn't overly impressed with the show and we'll see what happens in the coming days.

This Date In History: 1791; Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart conducts the premiere of his singspeil The Magic Flute, just over two months before his death. 1927; Outfielder Babe Ruth of the New York Yankees hits his 60th home run of the season, breaking his own record and setting a mark that would last until 1961. 1946; Following World War II, the International Military Tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany, sentences 11 leaders of Nazi Germany, including Hermann Göring, to death for crimes during the war.

1949; The Berlin airlift, caused by the Soviet blockade of overland traffic to West Berlin, ends after more than 277,000 flights from Western nations, which supplied the city with food and fuel for nearly 11 months. 1955; Actor James Dean dies at the age of 24 in an automobile accident in California, having starred in only three motion pictures.

2007; Needing some additional filler for "This Date In History," the author of Jimmy's Journal began adding fabricating some additional stories with the thinking that no one reads that part anyway. Additionally, cryptic and blatant messages began appearing at the same time, the first message referring to that mysterious someone known only as "My Perfect Martini."

Picture Of The Day: Google has been photo shopped and here's some of the best of the pictures. It was my sole intent to feature more of the Google pictures, but I ran across a few ladies with photo shopped tattoos and my libido overruled my brain. Reese Witherspoon never looked better.... Author's Note (7:05 pm): My pal, Rose, found the first "one". Has anyone found the "others?" That's Cameron Diaz.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Obama's going to Copehagen to push for the 2016 Olympics for Chicago. Hmmm.., where would it be more fun to go, Rio de Janeiro, Tokyo or Chicago? 2) My buddy told his doctor that he broke his leg in two places. The doctor told him to quit going to those places 3) Rectitude is defined as the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists and a Pokemon is a Rastafarian proctologist. 4) I've noticed since everyone has video capabilities on their cell phones these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? 5) The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.....and that's five !

Birthdays: My twin pals Jennifer and Jessica 19XX, my pal Anne 19XX, and my pal, Deena 19XX, Happy Birthday ladies ! Robert Clive, "Clive of India" 1725, Jacques Necker, financier and statesman 1732, Park Chung Hee, South Korean president 1917, Truman Capote, writer 1924, Elie Wiesel, Romanian-born American author 1928, Silvio Berlusconi, Italian politician 1936.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. Aunt Cora sighed, "It's terrible, I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week." The doctor said, "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. Aunt Cora said, "Oh, yes. I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night." The doctor said, "No, I mean do you take anything?" Aunt Cora replied, "Of course I do. I take a magazine and a cup of coffee."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming:

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?" The old man said loudly "There's something wrong with my penis!" The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that." The old man said, "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you."

The receptionist said, "You've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private." The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" The old man said, "There's something wrong with my ear!"The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. She said, "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" The old man said loudly, "I can't piss out of it !"

Hank was amazed at the length of the funeral procession going down Main Street. Watching awhile he observed that the cortege consisted entirely of men. It was led by a man holding a Doberman. His curiosity got the best of him and walked up to the man at the front of the line. Hank politely asked, "Excuse me for interrupting you in your time of grief, but I've never seen such a funeral procession. Would you mind telling me who it's for?"

The man explained, "It's for my mother-in-law. My Doberman here killed her." Hank said, "Gee, that's terrible. Hmmm...., is there any way you could lend me your dog for a day or so ?" The man pointed his thumb over his shoulder and answered, "Get in line!"

An Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. He asks her, "Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"? His mother explained, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm." Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower"? His mother replied, "Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."

He then asked, "And why is my other sister called Moonchild"? His mother said, "We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived" The mother paused and said to her son, "Tell me, Two Dogs Humping, why do you ask?"

That's it for today my little moon pies. Remember, he who laughs last didn't get it. It's Hump Day and an excellent reason to go to AREA 51 for Happy Hour! More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !