Healthy Plastic Bottled Water - Right! Healthy For Who?

Many bottled water companies claim that their water comes from springs. Yeah? When is the last time you saw a spring? Was there a water bottling plant next to it? Methinks that there's a lot of old couples in various states whose sole job is to fill empty plastic with tap water (hopefully). Then they put a fancy label on the bottle and sell it to the public.

I went to Publix on Sunday to pick up a few odds and ends and a hot roasted chicken for dinner. As I got in line for the checkout, I noticed a woman who was purchasing two cases of individually bottled water. I'm thinking, "This woman must really be on a health kick." Then, I noticed she also bought a carton of cigarettes, two bottles of wine and a case of beer. Hmmm....what's wrong with this picture?

I'm quite aware that bottled water has been around for years but I guess when I saw that amount of bottled water being purchased at one time, it was kind of a wake up call. When I was a young man, nobody purchased bottled water. Even if you didn't have city water, there was always well water available. Granted, any well water I ever consummed had the bitter taste of iron in it, but when you're thirsty, you get over the taste of iron rather quickly.

To add insult to injury, most of these bottled water companies actually put the nutritional value of bottled water on the labels. Normally, I would follow the last sentence with a clever remarks as to how stupid it is to put a nutrition label on water, but since graphics can sometimes illustrate the point more comically, I give you the actual label:

I remember when they started selling individual bottles of water and a friend of mine said, "Look at that! The next thing you know, they'll start charging for using the air hoses at gas stations" And the band played on.....

The News As I See It: The reason why I don't go to movie theaters are personified in this week's movie news. 'The Expendables' fended off five new challengers to maintain the No. 1 spot at the box office for a second week in a row. Of the five newcomers, only 'Vampires Suck' and 'Lottery Ticket' met pre-release expectations.Even with the addition of 'Piranha 3D' this week. Ugh! How old is Stallone now....90? Don't look for any Oscar nominations here....

This Date In History: 1305; Scottish leader and national hero, William Wallace, was executed in London. 1914; Japan declared war on Germany in World War I. 1926; Silent film star Rudolph Valentino died in New York at age 31.

1927; Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti were executed for the murders of two men during a 1920 robbery, despite worldwide protests. 1939; Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-aggression treaty.

Picture Of The Day: Charging money for bottled water is a rip off. Bottlers in New York City are so blatant that they actually sell New York tap water. How stupid do you have to be? Most cities tap water is just as good as any bottled water. I actually once rented a warehouse to a man who bottled city water, put his own label on it and sold it.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. 2) Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. 3) Everyone can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by. 4) I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It's too little to go by itself. 5) Most women don't know where to look when they're eating a banana......and that's five !

Birthdays: Louis XVI, king of France (1774–92) 1754, Arnold Toynbee, economist 1852, Edgar Lee Masters, writer 1868, Gene Kelly, actor and dancer 1912, Shelley Long, actress 1949.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Two elderly women are sitting at a restaurant, eating breakfast. Mabel turns to Ethel and says, "Do you know you have a suppository in your left ear?"

Ethel reaches into her ear, pulls out the suppository and looks at it. She says, "Thanks Mabel, I'm glad you told me. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. He went to his uncle's farm and asked to borrow his rifle to go hunting. His uncle lent the boy his gun and told him to be real careful around Farmer Johnson's place and not to shoot at any of his farm animals.

The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and shot at it. Not knowing if he hit it or anything about animals, the boy ran to the farmhouse and described the animal he shot at to his uncle. The boy said, "It was really ugly and it had two saggy tits and a beard!" His uncle said "Oh, shit! You shot at farmer Johnson's wife!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: In ancient Greece, Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?" Socrates replied, "Wait a minute. Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three." The man said, "Test of Three?" Socrates answered, "That's correct. Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say."

Socrates continued, "The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" The man replied, "No, actually I just heard about it." Socrates said, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" The man said, "No, on the contrary..." Socrates said, "So, you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" The man said, "No, not really..." Socrates concluded, "Well, if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

President Obozo's new vision for remodeling the White House

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up and said, "I do...why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, " I just thoughtyou would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and after a few minutes, Silver began to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, please run circles around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe," and took off running circles around Silver.

There was little the Lone Ranger could except wait so he returned to the bar to finish his beer. A few minutes later, another cowboy came into the bar and said, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands and says, "I do. What's wrong with him now?" The cowboy says, "Nothing, the horse is fine, but you left your Injun running."

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.

Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

That's it for today my little chop sticks. Remember, if at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !