Monday, August 9, 2010

Monday Has Arrived On Schedule - Drat !

I want to thank all my friends and readers for your kind and generous comments on my music video "Save The Last Dance For Me." This is an idea that I have been trying to put together for a long period of time. Fortunately, utilizing some very good music and video programs, I am now able to take songs that I am currently recording along with other songs that I have recorded and produce these videos.

There are more frontiers along this endeavor which I have plans to explore and incorporate in my videos. I have three new videos currently in production and I am currently gathering all of the different visual aids and pictures that I need to finish the production.

All of the videos will be shown here on Jimmy's Journal and will be subsequently be uploaded to my YouTube link: Jimmy's YouTube. There are currently three of my videos on Jimmy's YouTube including "Save The Last Dance For Me", "The More I See You" and "In The Garden." You can click the link in this paragraph or the link on my sidebar to go to the sight. In the interim, here's my latest video, "The More I See You." I hope you enjoy it.

Remember to mute my playlist located on the left sidebar.

The News As I See It: New York airports are getting those controversial TSA full-body scanners next month. You know, those scanners that let the workers see everything? Well that's just great! Normally, I have to take a Xanax for my nerves before I fly and now I'll have to take a Viagra.

The Senate has confirmed Elena Kagan for the Supreme Court. She now has a job for life, just like Lindsay Lohan's probation officer.

A company in Britain has created a car that can be powered by human waste. It's cool, but it gets a little uncomfortable when your buddy asks you to "chip in" for gas.

This Date In History: 1854; Henry David Thoreau's Walden, recounting his experiment in solitary life on the shores of Massachusetts' Walden Pond, was published. 1936; Jesse Owens became the first American to win four gold medals in one Olympics. 1945; The United States exploded a nuclear bomb over Nagasaki, Japan, killing an estimated 74,000 people.

1965; Singapore proclaimed its independence from Malaysia. 1974; Vice president Gerald Ford was sworn in as president following Nixon's resignation. 1995; Jerry Garcia, lead singer and guitarist of the Grateful Dead, died.

Picture Of The Day: Last weeks news was fun and great fodder for the photoshop gang. There's no real need to describe to today's pictures other than they're in the news. The California Gay Marriage Prop 8 decision was overturned, Chelsea's wedding, new Supreme Court Justice Kagan is confirmed by the Senate, Castro wrote a book and all the other usual political horseshit.

The only true picture that needs a bit of verbage is the featured picture of my new heroine, the mythical Cathy Cleavage, who even as a joke, would be better than any politician in Congress.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I'm always frank and earnest with women. In Miami, I'm Frank and in Fort Lauderdale, I'm Ernest. 2) My friend got on a plane and told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" He told her, "You did it last week!" 3) When my son was very young, I bought one of those strollers for twins. Then I put him in and ran around, looking frantic. When he got older, I told him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey. 4) The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. 5) The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste......and that's five !

Birthdays: Izaak Walton, writer 1593, Amedeo Avogadro, physicist 1776, William Fowler, nuclear astrophysicist 1911, Bob Cousy, basketball player 1928, Whitney Houston, singer 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A woman lost her husband four years ago and her daughter was constantly urging her to get back into the world. Finally, the woman said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom! I have someone for you to meet."

It was an immediate hit. After dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend away. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. She stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties and he was in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?" She replied, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning." He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same. She stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?"He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

An older woman had just returned for shopping and was coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. She said to her husband, "After all, dear, you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?" Her husband replied, "No, nor would I expect to find a dead beaver gift wrapped."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place, which made it basically useless. The King said, "This is no good, Merlin! Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I'm on a long quest?" Merlin said, "Ah, sire, just observe."

He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. The grateful monarch said, "Merlin, you are a genius! Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected." After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon a lengthy Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way, everyone of them except, Sir Galahad.

King Arthur said, "Sir Galahad, you are my one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. Whatever it is in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours." But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless…….

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again." The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, "Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away." The next day, the man says, "Did you do what I told you to?" The other guy said, "Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!"

That's it for today my little jitterbugs. Remember, alcohol doesn't solve any problems but then again, neither does milk. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

I love the "Printable Things I Never Told You" section.

Thank you for putting my friend, Janice on your list. She enjoys your blogs so much.

Hugs, Rose

Paula said...

Your blog keeps me laughing. Thanks.

Sherry said...

Good stuff Jimmy. And thanks for the laughs

Senorita said...

Happy Monday ! But Cathy Cleavage is more appropriate for Hump Day !

Julie said...

Great song there Jimmy, loved the jokes as usual.

Ally Lifewithally said...

Loved the song Jimmy and I always enjoy the jokes ~ Ally x