"Take This Job And Shove It"

I've been self employed most of my life and, for the most part, I've always done whatever I wanted do do. That said, if I were ever to have to quit a tense and tedious job, I think I'd like to quit the way JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater did.

According to news reports, Slater, 38, got into an argument with a passenger who tried to remove luggage from an overhead bin too early upon landing, bonking him on the head with the luggage and then swearing at him. Slater, his head bleeding from a cut caused by the passenger's luggage, swore back at the passenger, making a four-letter-word-laced intercom announcement over the plane's loudspeaker.

The passenger had begun to unload her carry-on bag from the overhead compartment before the crew had given passengers the OK to get out of their seats. When Slater asked the woman to sit back down, she instead continued to remove her bag, which fell out of the cabin and struck Slater in the head. An argument then ensued, and when Slater asked her to apologize, she cursed him instead.

Slater responded in kind. He took to the plane's public-address system and announced: "To the passenger who just called me a motherf*cker, f*ck you! That's It! I've had it!" Then he grabbed a couple of beers from the plane's beverage cart, got his own luggage and deployed the aircraft's inflatable emergency exit slide. He then slid down onto the tarmac and out of a job. The pilots were furious. Those were their last two beers.

The friendly skies of old have become a lot less friendly over the last decade or so. A frenetic work pace, long hours and dealing with passengers who still feel entitled have turned the job of flight attendant from exciting to grueling and demanding.

Without judging either party involved in the incident, I've seen many unruly and rude airline passengers in my time. My guess is that the passenger involved in the incident was an asshole. Shades of Johnny Paycheck's hit song "Take This Job And Shove It."

The News As I See It: Plans are being finalized for Mexico’s bicentennial. On September 15, over 70 million Mexicans will celebrate, and that’s just in Los Angeles.

Tiger Woods finished 18 over par last weekend at the Bridgestone Invitational. The last time he hit this many trees, he was trying to get out of his driveway.

President Obozo announced this month that he created 70,000 new jobs. The bad news is, they are all vacation planners for him and his family.

The U.S. Postal Service reported a $3.5 billion loss in the last quarter, which established it as the federal government’s most successful enterprise.

This Date In History: 1909; Arapahoe became the first American ship to use the S.O.S. distress signal. 1934; The first inmates arrived at the federal prison on Alcatraz Island in San Francisco Bay. 1952; King Hussein of Jordan ascended the throne after his father had been declared mentally unfit.

1954; More than seven years of fighting in Indochina formerly ended with the cessation of French control. 1956; Abstract artist Jackson Pollock died in an automobile accident. 1960; Chad gained its independence from France.

1965; Following the arrest of a young black motorist, the predominately black neighborhood of Watts in Los Angeles erupted in riots that lasted six days and left 34 dead.

Picture Of The Day: Ok, you're probably wondering what in hell do animals have to do with today's post? The answer? Absolutely nothing. Other than the JetBlue incident, it's been a relatively slow news week and therefore, a relatively slow photoshop week. So, I found some animal pictures that I liked and here they are.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Maybe, just once, someone will call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene!" 2) Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals, except the weasel. 3) Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless. 4) Regular naps prevent old age.....especially if you take them while driving. 5) "To do is to be" (Descartes) - "To be is to do" (Voltaire) - "Do be do be do" (Frank Sinatra)......and that's five !

Birthdays: Friedrich Ludwig Jahn, father of gymnastics 1778, Robert Ingersoll, orator 1833, Carrie Jacobs Bond, songwriter 1862, Louise Bogan, poet and critic 1897, Lloyd Nolan, actor 1902, Alex Haley author 1921, Steve Wozniak, entrepreneur 1950.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: On the night of their 40th anniversary the reminiscing wife finds the negligee she wore on her wedding night and puts it on. She goes to her husband and says, "Honey, do you remember this?" He looks up from his newspaper and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married." She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?" He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember."The woman asks, "Well, what was it?"

The man is not much in the mood for this, but he sighs and responds, "Well, honey, as I remember, I said, 'Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out!' " She giggles and says, "Yes dear, that's it. That's exactly what you said. So now it's forty years later and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?" He looked her up and down, and replied, "Mission accomplished."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding, The sales clerk, "Yes, madam, exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?" The bride to be said, "A long frilly white dress with a veil."

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, and then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?''

The woman, peeved at the clerk's directness, said, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding that he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

The clerk asked. ''What about your third husband?" The woman replied, "Oh, he was a Democrat and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

A man and a young woman are riding next to each other in first class. The woman sneezes, then shakes and shudders. The man reaches into his tote bag, pulls out a travel pack of tissues and hands one to her. A few minutes pass and the young woman sneezes again. Again, she shakes and shudders, this time more violently. The man hands the young woman another tissue.

Five minutes pass and the young woman sneezes again and shudders so violently that she grabs the mans forearm. Concerned, the man asks, "Are you alright Miss?" The woman replies, "I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a very rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm." The man says, "My word! What are you taking for it?" The woman looks at him and says, "Pepper."

A lady was throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out.....a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all. The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself.

She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air. She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!" The other bum says, "I don't know, let me ask him, "Hey Willie! Would you chop off another toe for $50?"

That's it for today my little brussel sprouts. Remember, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. That reminds me, it's Hump Day and I'm going to AREA 51 for the Karaoke show. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !