Monday, September 6, 2010

Happy Labor Day Weekend !

I have never been very good at remembering names, man or woman, and I've been that way since I was a young man. This has never been a major problem but there have been times when it has come back to haunt me, especially with women.

On the other hand, I never forget a face. Sometimes, there are a few awkward moments as I mentally attempt to assign a name to the face, but for the most part, it's not a problem. As a rule, when I see a man whose name I can't remember, I usually refer to the guy as "Brother" or I simply apologize and tell him I can't recall his name. Most men understand the inability to remember names and it doesn't bother them.

Women, on the other hand, spark more endearing pet names, each name intended to compliment or flirt with the particular lady. My mind then goes into overdrive, trying to jog my memory and match the face with a name. Most of my lady friends are aware of my memory problems and understand. When I am with a woman and someone comes by to say hello and I don't introduce her to that person, they realize that I can't recall the name.

Under most circumstances, my lady will introduce herself and I will quickly act like I really knew his name and apologize for not introducing her. There have been times, however, when some lady friends would say, "Why didn't you introduce me?" My standard answer is, "Baby, as soon as I remember their name, you'll be the first one I'll introduce."

My inability to remember names has occasionally affected my love life. I recall a time years ago when, at the height of a sexual moment, I uttered, "Maria!" The woman said, "What did you call me?" I mumbled, "Nothing....." The woman asked, "What is my name?" I responded, "Well, it's certainly not Maria....." Needless to say, the evening when downhill from that point and I still don't remember What's-her-name's name. Life's a bitch sometimes.....

The News As I See It: Michael Lohan, father of Lindsay Lohan, tells Radar Online that he’s moving to California to open a drug and alcohol rehab center. I guess he’s serious about wanting to spend more time with his family.

The maker of Botox has been ordered to pay $600 million after marketing the drug for unapproved uses. In a statement, Botox said, "Even if it's hard to tell from our expression, we are extremely disappointed by this decision."

An airline in Sweden plans to host the first-ever in-flight gay wedding in December. The entire flight crew is excited for the event, although the right wing isn’t happy about it.

Craigslist, the slimy prostitution and rip-off site, has mysteriously removed its Adult Services section from its website. Part of the reasoning may be that attorneys-general from 17 states sent a joint letter to Craigslist demanding that the section, used widely for prostitution, be removed. Craigslist made 36 million dollars from the adult services site this year.

Phillip Markoff, the convicted Craigslist murderer who committed suicide while in prison for the murders, is a prime example of why the section should be removed.

This Date In History: 1901; President William McKinley was shot by anarchist Leon Czolgosz at the Pan American Exposition in Buffalo, N.Y. McKinley died on September 14th. 1941; Nazi Germany required all Jews over the age of six to wear a yellow Star of David on their clothes.

1995; Baseball player Cal Ripken, Jr., broke Lou Gehrig's iron man record by playing in his 2,131st straight game. 1997; More than 2 billion people watched Princess Diana's funeral on TV. 1998; Japanese movie director Akira Kurosawa died in Tokyo at age 88. 2007; Italian operatic tenor Luciano Pavarotti died at age 71.

Picture Of The Day: My usual eclectic selection of pictures that interested me. I particularly like the Simpsons poster.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I look at some people and think, "More than 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?" 2) I sometimes go to my own little world, but that's okay, they know me there. 3) Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. 4) Reintarnation is defined as coming back to life as a southerner. 5) Hip Hop and Rap are to music as Etch-A-Sketch is to art......and that's five !

Birthdays: Marquis de Lafayette, French general and political leader 1757, John Dalton scientist 1766, Catherine Beecher educator 1800, Jane Addams social worker 1860, Joseph P. Kennedy financier 1888 Claire Lee Chennault general 1890, Jane Curtin actress 1947.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Paddy, one of the Irish little people, is planing to marry. He goes to visit the king of the little people and asks how he can tell if is bride-to-be is still a virgin. The king says, "Aye, Paddy, to be sure, All Irish humans use three things for what the refer to as a 'do-it-yourself virginity kit', a can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel."

Paddy asks, "Aye, and to be sure, what do I do with these things, oh king?" The king of the fairies replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other blue. If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever did see', you hit her with the shovel."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Frances, Skip and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.

Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. Jack noticed that the guy was moaning and shaking. Jack asked, "What's wrong?" The guy said, "I've been transferred to New Orleans, Louisiana. There's crazy people in New Orleans. They have shootings, rapes, robberies, gangs, race riots, drugs.....the highest crime rate."

Jack says, "Hold on, I've lived in many place and I've lived there before. It's not as bad as the media says. Go to work and mind your own business and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The other passenger relaxed, stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you've lived there and say it's ok, I'll take your word for it. What did you do there for a living?" Jack says, "Me? I was the tail gunner on a Budweiser beer truck."

Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents tried everything to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. His mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns? The uniforms? The discipline?"

Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head and said, "On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says, "What the hell was that all about?"

Author's Note: I hope everyone is enjoying the long Labor Day weekend. I look forward to the coming holidays and the change of weather.

That's it for today my little chipmunk's. Remember, some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Rose said...

So, I gather you keep a large supply of "Post It Notes" in your nightstand! LOL

Hugs, Rose
P.S. I can't remember names either! But, I never forget a face.

Paula said...

John has been married three times and had two serious relationships so you can imagine how many times I have been called by the wrong name. At this stage of the game I don't give a d---. I like his cows and turtles. lol

jack69 said...

No way I can beat Rose and Paula here. They are as funny as you today. Great ladies.

Never seen a tail gunner, but I have seen areas of nawlins, they are needed!!!!

Hope it hasn't gotten to Bourbon street, we plan to be there in four of five weeks.
Thanks for the laughs!
From Utah!