Happy Birthday America !

Happy Fourth of July America and especially to the men and women of the armed forces both past and present. I would also like to thank the many of you who took the time to pay attention in High School history class to recognize the importance of this date. A poll was taken recently which reflected that many Americans did not know the meaning of Independence Day.

The Marist Poll released in honor of America's Independence Day, July 4, showed 58 percent of residents aware their country declared independence in 1776. Twenty-six percent were unsure and 16 percent named another date.

Younger Americans, those under 30 years of age, were less likely to have the correct answer with 31 percent, compared to Americans between the ages of 45 and 59 who said 1776, 75 percent of the time.

One in four Americans also didn't know from which country the United States seceded, with 76 percent correctly naming Great Britain, 19 percent unsure and 5 percent naming another country, probably Mexico.

The survey of 1,003 adults was conducted between June 15 and June 23 via telephone and had a sampling error of plus or minus 3 percentage points. Even if you eliminate the possibility that fence jumpers from our southern borders may have been included in the poll, the results are very sad, indeed.

The News As I See It: A lot of people are taking time off for the holidays. For instance, Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich is going away for a while. Blago could do 300 years - unless he’s pardoned by Oprah.

Today we’re celebrating our independence from the British. I hope that in a couple years, we’ll be able to celebrate our independence from the Chinese.

Anthony Weiner is no longer a congressman, but he wants to pick his replacement. Now there's a great endorsement.....

They’ve found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you’re eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.

The Senate canceled their vacation to work on the budget. Either they really can’t agree or they’re looking for an excuse to not go on vacation with their families.

This Date In History: 1776; The U.S. declared independence from Great Britain. 1826; Former presidents John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died. 1831; Former president James Monroe died. 1845; Henry David Thoreau moved into his shack on Walden Pond.

1862; Lewis Carroll first told the story of Alice's Adventures Underground to the Liddell sisters. 1884; The Statue of Liberty was presented to the United States in Paris. 1895; Katharine Lee Bates published America the Beautiful.

1939; Lou Gehrig, stricken with ALS made his farewell at Yankee Stadium. 1976; The United States celebrated its bicentennial. 1997; The U.S. Pathfinder probe landed on Mars.

Picture Of The Day: 'Nuff said !

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Politicians should be limited to two terms: One in office and one in prison. 2) A backyard barbecue draws two things...flies and relatives. 3) I was once asked if I would run for office. Are you kidding? I've slept with too many women, done too many drugs and been to too many parties. 4) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 5) I take Viagra for obvious reasons but it also keeps me from accidentally rolling out of bed.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Cancer - July 4th: Your day will be filed with endless portions of food and bar-b-cue and end in excitement and fireworks (I am getting so good at this horoscope thing and today's date had nothing to do with my soothsaying.) Since I'm relatively sure drinks will be consumed this afternoon, refrain from getting involved in the lighting of any fireworks.

Birthdays: My pal Teresita. Happy Birthday Babe! 19XX, Nathaniel Hawthorne, author 1804, Giuseppe Garibaldi, Italian patriot 1807, Stephen Foster, composer 1826, Calvin Coolidge, American president 1872, Rube Goldberg, cartoonist and sculptor 1883, Louis B. Mayer, movie executive 1885.

Meyer Lansky, mobster 1902, Ann Landers, advice columnist 1918, Abigail Van Buren, advice columnist 1918, Eva Marie Saint, actress 1924, Neil Simon, playwright, producer 1927, Gina Lollobrigida, model, actress 1927, George Steinbrenner, owner of NY Yankees 1930.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." The neighbor replied, "Really? What kind is it?" The old man said, "Twelve thirty."

Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. Seeing them on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you notice anything different about me?" Bessie says, "What's different? It's the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants."

Frustrated, Sam goes into the bathroom, undresses and comes out completely naked, wearing only his new boots. Again he says, "Bessie, do you notice anything different?" Bessie says, "What's different, Sam? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday and will be hanging down again tomorrow."

Angrily, Sam yells, "It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!!" Bessie replies, "You shoulda bought a hat!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He's on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in a used car lot. The car lot is closed so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?" One of the ladies says, "Certainly not. We purchased the car this afternoon."

The cop says, "Well, why don't you start it up and drive out of here?" The other little old lady answers, "We don't drive and besides, we are waiting." The cop says, "What are you waiting for?" The old lady sitting in the drivers seat replies," We were told that if we ever bought a car from here we would get screwed."

Murray and Maude met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company. After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Murray asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town. Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink.

Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Murray for a most enjoyable roll in the hay. As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts. Murray was thinking, "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler." Maude was thinking, "If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."

That's it for today my little cherry bombs. Remember, there are very few problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !