Wednesday, January 9, 2013

5'7" Tom Cruise Portrays 6'5" Jack Reacher? Great Casting!

Author Lee Child created a killer character named Jack Reacher, who, by author's definition, stands six-foot-five and weighs 225-250 lbs. On the silver screen, Reacher is portrayed by five-foot-seven actor Tom Cruise. At a certain point in time, even poetic license doesn't justify this casting.

For months, fans of the books (17 so far) anticipated the film "Jack Reacher". Word has it that fans are not happy seeing the diminutive Cruise, not known for his bulk, portray the hero of Child's novels.

Then again, today's TV shows and movies are mere vehicles for highly implausible crash scenes, shoot-'em-outs and other mind numbing special effects and little effort or money is spent on decent writers or scripts.

Television is scraping the bottom of the barrel with such shows as Honey Boo Boo and Jersey Shore. Moreover, television is relying on other inane reality shows running the gamut from pawn shops to towing companies.

It seems to me that as long as people watch these shows, the networks save money by not hiring good writers to write good scripts and hire talented actors. So sit back, inject your brain with Novocaine and enjoy......

The News As I See It: Joe O'Biden and his wife left Washington, D.C. this weekend for a five-day vacation in the Caribbean. Most of that time will be spent telling him that Margaritaville is not a real place.

Tickets to Obama's inauguration have sold out. At least that's what they're telling Joe O'Biden.

Scientists in China say obesity may be caused by bacteria in your stomach. Three of the most common carriers of the bacteria are pizza, cheeseburgers and doughnuts.

Photos have surfaced of Justin Bieber smoking marijuana. Fans of Justin Bieber were really upset and fans of marijuana were really embarrassed.

Democrats say they want another trillion dollars in taxes. Didn't we just give them $620 billion last Wednesday? Is that gone already? Who is running this nation, "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills"?

This Date In History: 1788; Connecticut became the 5th state in the United States. 1861; Mississippi became the second state to secede from the Union. 1905; The Russian Revolution of 1905 was sparked by troops firing on petitioners to Czar Nicholas in St. Petersburg.

1964; Anti-American rioting broke out in the Panama Canal Zone. 1968; Surveyor 7, the last of America's unmanned lunar probes, landed on the Moon.

Picture Of The Day: "Hey, I'm no doctor, but I think you may need a nose job."

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I don't have enough money to take an extended vacation, so I'm just going to drink this weekend until I don't know where I am. 2) The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem. 3) My New Year's resolution was to get a gym membership, use it twice and then never use it again. I'm already halfway there. 4) To be politically correct you cannot use the word "looters" anymore. Now have to call them undocumented shoppers  5) My friend told me that he was going to make a parachute jump. He wanted to know how high he should be before he jumped. I told him three days of steady drinking should do it.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn - January 9th: When things are looking down, sit yourself down on the nearest swivelling chair and spin. If that doesn't raise a smile, then I'm all out of ideas. Dogs will find themselves inexplicably attracted to your shins this week. Massaging figures is something that both accountants and masseurs do, but they are not the same thing. Honestly.....

Birthdays: My friend Tracy - Happy Birthday girl! 19XX, Millard Fillmore, 13th President of the United States 1800, St. Bernadette saint 1844, Francis Poulenc composer and pianist 1899, Zora Neale Hurston author 1901, Charles Addams cartoonist 1912, David Caruso actor 1956, Katie Couric broadcast journalist 1957, Nicolas Cage actor 1964.

Who's walking who?
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A blonde was flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. Suddenly, the pilot has a heart attack and dies. Frantically, she calls out a May Day, "May Day! May Day! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

The blonde says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat." The voice on the radio says, "Okay, repeat after me. 'Our Father Who art in Heaven'….”

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat." He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought, "These Taser guns are well worth the money."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

A man is shipwrecked on a deserted island for ten long years. One day he sees a ship on the horizon and starts waving his arms until the ship heads for the shore. The captain of the ship and the man began talking.

The man says, "I thought I'd never get rescued." The captain asks, "How long have you been here?" The man replies, "Ten years!"  The captain inquires, "How have you coped with all that time alone?" The man responds, "Well I'm a very resourceful fellow. I built a house and learned to fish."

The captain hesitates, then asks, "But ten years without sex?" The man replied, "Not completely. About six months ago I was down here on the shore when I noticed an ostrich with it's head in the sand. I crept up behind it and...."

The captain gasps, "Oh, you poor man, that must have been horrible." The man replied, "Well it was fine for the first five miles, but then we got out of step."

On the golf course, the Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. The Swede said, "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?" She said, "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any." The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear"

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. The Irishman says, "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers! Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." The Irishman reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Finally, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.The Scotsman roars, "Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any." The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."

That's it for today my little puppies. Remember, you're spending too much time on Facebook when you're hoping that your friends are interested in what you ate in the last half hour.

I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour. That's it for now. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I'm sure they didn't ax Lee Child before talking to Tom. That one will be hard to swallow, Lee's books read bigger that Cruise. LOL Great author.

Thanks for a good read. Love the pictures, I lean to the dog and boy though. LOL

Careful at happy hour, the sign says "Happy hour, Free Beer tomorrow" at a bar on Stock island. I never did ake there tomorrow for happy hour.
Take care....

Heli gunner Tom said...

Hey, Mate,
What a HUGE dog!! AS far as Tom Hanks... I like your fine music a lot more than him... LOL. Hope you are feeling well in the HEAT down South.
Tommy Schuckman- Iron Mtn., MI brrrrrrr!