Friday, January 18, 2013

Manti Te'o - Oprah Would Like To Interview You.

Heisman Trophy finalist and Notre Dame football player Manti Te'o allegedly concocted a story about a girlfriend, Lennay Kekua and her subsequent death. The story of her death back in September was all over the news at the time, as people lauded him for being so strong and playing so well through his pain. He said Kekua had been in a car accident and was then diagnosed with leukemia while recovering, which eventually killed her.

The only problem is Kekua never existed. It was a hoax and Te'o has acknowledged it. Now the big question is who was behind the hoax and how much Te'o knew? Was it all fueled by Te'o to get sympathy? Or was it some cruel-hearted prankster with exceptionally persuasive skills strong enough to make a man fall in love with a woman he never met and continue a relationship with her for more than a year online and over the phone?

The news media is all over the story but the one thing that no one seems to want to touch is an obvious underlying motive. Te'o was in the running for the Heisman Trophy, not only a prestigious award, but lucrative as well when the Heisman Trophy winner is eventually drafted by professional football. I'm thinking that Te'o was in on the hoax and trying to garner sympathy votes in order to win the Heisman Trophy. Either that or he is a very dimwitted young man.

The News As I See It: Obama said this week that he wants to find a "pathway for citizenship" for immigrants in the United States. We already have that. It's called the Rio Grande river.

A doctor in Germany is being sued by the family of a patient who died after 16 items were left inside of him after the surgery. The doctor said he felt terrible. He tried to call the family but couldn't find his cell phone.

Michelle Obama recently turned 49 years old. She told a reporter she’d like a nice gift from Barry, but nothing extravagant. She shouldn't worry. Obama is very responsible when he's spending his own money.

Obama's half-brother is running for political office in Kenya. At least he admits he was born there.

Education Secretary Arne Duncan announced that he will stay at the White House for Obama’s second term. He said his mission is to make the U.S. number one in education and won’t stop until our students are doing gooder.

There's a new app that is coming out that shows you how alcohol will age you. When I was a kid, we did this by looking at our fathers.

A Florida couple got into a fight resulting in the woman biting off half her boyfriend's ear. She said her biggest complaint is that he never listens.

This Date In History: 1733; The first polar bear was exhibited in America, in Boston. 1778; Captain James Cook became the first European to visit the Sandwich Islands (Hawaii). 1782; Daniel Webster was born in Salisbury, New Hampshire.

1788; The First Fleet, carrying convicts and sheep, arrived in Australia's Botany Bay. 1912; The ill-fated Scott expedition reached the South Pole, only to discover Amundsen had been there first. 1943; The Nazi siege of Leningrad was broken.

Picture Of The Day: This beautiful cavernous waterway is located in Eastern Europe. Under normal conditions, I would pinpoint its exact location but due to a senior moment, I have misplaced the information.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Last weekend, during a routine cleanup, park crews discovered a cannon from the Revolutionary War that was still loaded. Old, loaded and ready to go — just like me before the karaoke show. 2) Apps make everything easier these days. Just a few years ago I had no idea what an app was. Of course a few years ago I had no idea what a Kardashian or a Bieber or a Honey Boo Boo was. 3) It's always darkest just before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4) Hurrah for Oama wanting more extensive background checks! Let's begin with him first! 5) My friend told he he was going to a wild, sexy costume party next week and I asked him what costume he would wear. He told me that he's going as Abe Lincoln because his last four scores were seven years ago.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Capricorn January 18th: Three times a lady is a hell of a lot of lady. Later on this week you might thinking "Well, now that just seems like a fairly standard amount of lady". And if you think that, well then, I will have done my job. Romance is definitely in the air this month, although you may find it clouded by other emotions.

Birthdays: Although her birthday is tomorrow, I would be remiss in not mentioning that Sister Jean turns 39 once again - Happy Birthday Sis ! 19XX, Montesquieu jurist and political philosopher 1689, Peter Roget lexicographer 1779, Daniel Webster, American Statesman 1782, Joseph Glidden inventor 1813, A.A. Milne author 1882, Oliver Hardy actor 1892, Cary Grant actor 1904, Danny Kaye actor, singer, comedian 1913, Kevin Costner actor, filmmaker 1955.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man and his friend were drinking in a bar when one man said to his friend, "That wife of mine is a liar !"  His friend asked, "How do you know?"

The man said, "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

His friend said, "So, how do you figure she's a liar?" The man said, "She's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley!"

One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny.

Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Phil for his contribution to today's stories.

A man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a freakin' checking account." To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?"

The man says, "Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a freakin' checking account right now." The woman says, "Sir, I'm sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"

The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?"

The man says, "There's no damn problem. I just won $50 million in the lottery and I want to open a freakin' checking account in this damn bank!"

The manager said, "I see, sir, and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. He mumbles from behind the mask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely,  "Are - my - test - results - back?"

That's it for today, my little sunflowers. Remember, there is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." A trip to AREA 51 seems like a good idea.

That's it for now. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Good read. I do hope our students at least one does gooder. Cause what we need is better education instead of all this planning and other stuff.

Enjoyed the news as you see it and the time you spent at Area 51 listening to the jokes, Imma wondering how you remember it long enough to rite it down.

Have a great weekend... tis cool in Wildwoos...