Back In The Day - Portable Record Players

Today's rambling isn't a "When I was young, I had to walk in the snow for ten miles uphill, both ways, to get to school" story, but it recently dawned on me that, thanks to the Internet, most young people get a lot of their music free.

While I'm happy to get some of my music the same way, back in the day, I actually had to buy (really) my records. Making matters worse, prior to vinyl, most of the records were easily scratched or even worse, chipped or broken when dropped.

My first record player, not including the RCA Victor radio which belonged to my parents, looked like a boxy little suitcase. When you opened it, there was a turn table with one metal shaft. You put the 78rpm record on it and played one record at a time. The advent of the 45rpm record, popular in the 50s, required an apparatus which slid over the metal shaft. This, of course, was purchased separately.

The word "allowance" was not part of my parent's vocabulary back in the day. We were occasionally given "spending money" to do with as we pleased. The desire for new records and the lack of money to purchase them, inspired the creative part of my mind. Most of the kids in my neighborhood continually did odd jobs, especially mowing lawns, to earn money for the growing record fad.

I always had an aversion to hot sun and the cursed smell of grass that I had just mown. This caused me to employ another money-making enterprise. After school, I would go the nearest construction site and collect empty soda bottles which could be redeemed for two cents per bottle.

Yep, this was the way we got our music. The radio was always available but useless when trying to have music for a party. Kids just wanted to dance, not listen to intermittent radio ads. Things change.....

The News As I See It: Time magazine found a picture of Obama at his high school prom back in 1979. He and his friend are with their dates. Those Kenyan girls are very good looking. Michelle must be pleased to see Barry with a white chick.

In those days, Obama had to ask a girl for her phone number. He couldn't just illegally obtain it through the Justice Department.

White House officials continue to insist that Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal until we all heard about it in the news last week. They said because there was an investigation under way, it would have been inappropriate to tell him. Besides that, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi.

It's not looking good for Obama. Today, his teleprompter took the fifth. In fact, the White House has changed their slogan from, "Yes, we can" to "No, I can't remember." Obama's got the Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal and the FBI wiretapping phones. He's in so much trouble politically, he's thinking about killing Usama bin Laden again.

During a recent Senate hearing, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener.

Anthony Weiner has formally announced he is running for mayor of New York City. He posted a video announcing it just after midnight, Right! Being online in the middle of the night has always worked so well for Mr. Weiner.

Vice President Joe Biden met with two undocumented immigrants this week to promote the new immigration bill. When they learned they had to sit down with Biden, they went ahead and deported themselves.

The latest Washington scandal is raising questions about the IRS. I have a question. Why is it called the Internal Revenue Service? How is having your money confiscated a service?

A Democratic congressman said that he worries that the IRS scandal might have a chilling effect on the IRS and that they might be afraid to audit people. So finally some good is coming out of all of this.

Amtrak trains may soon have special cars where passengers can sit with their pets. That will be awkward when you try to talk to your cat and he just slips on his headphones.

And finally, a man gave an Olive Garden waitress a $1,000 tip so she could take a trip to Italy. Isn't that nice? An Olive Garden waitress who dreamed of one day getting to try real Italian food.

This Date In History: 1844; Samuel Morse transmitted the first telegraph message, in which he asked, "What hath God wrought?" 1883; The Brooklyn Bridge, linking Manhattan and Brooklyn in New York City, opened to traffic. 1899; W.T. McCullough of Boston, Massachusetts, opened the first public garage. One could rent space for selling, storing and repairing vehicles.

1935; Major League Baseball’s first night game was played under the lights at Cincinnati’s Crosley Field as the hometown Reds defeated Philadelphia, 2–1. 1958; The United Press and the International News Service merged to form United Press International (UPI).

1976; The British and French Concordes made their first commercial flights. 2000 Israeli troops pulled out of Lebanon after 18 consecutive years of occupation. 2001; Vermont senator James Jeffords quit the Republican Party and became an Independent, giving Democrats control of the Senate.

Picture Of The Day: This picture is indicative of the reason why all of us will be able to celebrate and enjoy Memorial Day weekend. Remember the men and women of all the military services, both past and present, who have made the ultimate sacrifice for America.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The next time someone on a plane reclines their seat into you, pull them back even further and whisper in their ear, "Keep going." 2) An obnoxious little boy was screaming in the Publix store today because his mom wouldn't buy him a Snickers bar. He pissed me off so much that I bought one and ate it in front of him. 3) If your smart phone gets wet, put it in a bag of dry rice. Then at night, the rice will attract Asians and they will fix all your electronics for you. 4) Sometimes I like to pretend an "!" is just a "?" squeezing through a tight space. 5) Contrary to the Country-Western song lyrics "Jesus Take The Wheel", it is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, he doesn't just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - May 24th: Feeding stray cats may seem important to you today in order to get a feeling of self worth and satisfaction. Do be careful of squirrels as they have been known to want to nest in your hair. Disregard this warning if you are bald.

Birthdays: Jean Paul Marat, revolutionary 1743, Queen Victoria (Alexandrina Victoria), queen of Great Britain and Ireland (1837–1901) and empress of India (1876–1901) 1819, Lillian Gilbreth, engineer 1878, Mikhail Aleksandrovich Sholokhov, novelist 1905, Bob Dylan, singer 1941.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An older American woman of 40 wanted to get married, but she was only willing to marry a man that had never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

She asks, "What happened?" Her new husband said, "I've never been with a woman, but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get!"

The Catholic Church requires women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informed her that she could not enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head.

The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without wearing a blouse." The woman replied, "But Father, I have a divine right !" The priest says, "I can see that and your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church."

I've come to the conclusion that Eric Holder is to Obama as Stedman Graham is to Oprah

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for deer. All of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.

One of the hunters stopped, opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of tennis shoes. His buddy looked at him and said, "What are you doing? Are you crazy? You can't outrun the bear!" The hunter said, "I know, all I have to do is outrun you!"

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parrot that was perched in the back of the store for $50. She asked the shopkeeper why the parrot was so cheap. The shopkeeper said, "Well, to be honest, the bird's last owner was a madam at a whorehouse. He occasionally makes off color remarks that may offend some people."

Thinking that the price was right and she could handle anything he might say, she took him. When she got home she set the bird down on the table. He looked around and said, "New house, new madam." The woman thought,  "That's not so bad."

A little while later, her daughters got home from school and the parrot spoke again, "New house, new madam, new whores." Even though she felt a little insulted, she thought that wasn't so bad either.

Later that evening, her husband Robert came home. The parrot said, "Hi Bobby!"

Mother superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." An elderly nun at the back of the room says, "Thank God, I'm so tired of Chardonnay."

That's it for today, my little muskrats. Remember, public transportation helps the environment. It also makes you hate the human race. It's happy hour time in AREA 51 and that's where I'm heading.

Have a great and safe Memorial Day weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !