Monday, March 17, 2014

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

May the road rise to meet you and the wind be always at your back. May the sunshine warm upon your face, the rains fall soft upon your fields and, until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

The U.S. Commerce Department is relinquishing its hold over the group that manages the Internet’s architecture amid pressure to globalize its functions in the wake of reports about NSA surveillance.

Daniel Castro, a senior analyst at the Information Technology and Innovation Foundation, disputed the connection between NSA revelations and Internet governance in an op-ed Friday, and he warned that ICANN would not be held accountable without U.S. control. He said, "If the Obama Administration gives away its oversight of the Internet, it will be gone forever."

Some criticism of the decision immediately started popping up on Twitter. Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich tweeted, "Every American should worry about Obama giving up control of the Internet to an undefined group. This is very dangerous."

Brilliant Barry! America invented it, designed it and paid for it and now you're giving it away? Another Panama Canal faux pas from a community organizer. Move over Jimmy Carter, you're about to lose your title as worst president ever.

The makers of Sam Adams beer backed out of sponsoring South Boston’s St. Patrick’s Day parade in protest over parade organizers' refusal to allow members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community to march in the parade.

This week, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh attempted to negotiate a compromise with parade organizers, which would allow a gay veterans group to march in the parade. The parade is organized by the South Boston Allied War Veterans Council.

Walsh has said he will boycott the parade if LGBT groups are not allowed to participate, following a similar move by New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio. This is understandable since de Blasio's black wife is an ex-lesbian. I would hate to see her traumatized and have to go back into rehab. 

GLBT has been banned by marching by the organizers and other beer companies have pulled their backing. The Goat F*ckers community has also been banned from the parade. What's next are they going to ban Terrorists, Child Molestors and Killers communities, as well. Oh the horrors.....

Hey! It's Saint Patrick's Daynot St. Nancy's. Get over it!

The News As I See It: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg apparently called Obama directly to complain about NSA and how it spies on ordinary Americans. That’s right, the guy who runs Facebook got mad at the NSA for spying on people. Talk about the pot unfriending the kettle!

Zuckerberg criticized the NSA and called the government a threat to the Internet. Then he went back to running a website where you list everyone you've ever met, every place you’ve been, every place you’re going, what you had eat, your ex-girlfriends and your ex-boyfriends, which bands you like...

The White House said the economy is continuing to pick up steam, but then went on to say that the unemployment rate is still “unacceptably high.” Incidentally, being unacceptably high is also a big reason many people are unemployed.

Michelle Obama now has blond highlights in her wig hair. On a similar note, the wigs have a higher approval rating than her husband.

Obama announced that the government is going to require colleges and vocational schools to demonstrate that they are properly preparing students for jobs after college. So don’t be surprised if your chemistry class tomorrow is about how to make a cappuccino latte.

A man claimed he was injured after falling off a gigantic tongue slide used on the stage for Miley Cyrus’ tour. He’s now suing the company that built the slide for "Twerkman’s compensation."

Researchers have discovered the first Tyrannosaurus Rex fossil inside the Arctic Circle. The T. Rex apparently froze to death because he couldn’t button his jacket with those little arms.

This Date In History: 1762; The first St. Patrick's Day parade was held in New York City.  1776; British forces evacuated Boston during the Revolutionary War.

1870; Wellesley Female Seminary (later Wellesley College) received its charter from the Massachusetts legislature. 1942; Gen. Douglas MacArthur became supreme commander of Allied forces in the southwest Pacific theater during World War II.

1963; Mount Agung on Bali erupted, killing 1,184 people. 1969; Golda Meir was sworn in as prime minister of Israel. 2003; President Bush delivered an ultimatum to Saddam Hussein: leave Iraq within 48 hours or face an attack.

Picture Of The Day: Happy Saint Patrick's Day !

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My pal, O'Malley told me that that his wife was driving him to drink. He's lucky, my ex-wife made me walk ! 2) Being Irish, I'm going celebrate St. Patrick's Day barbecuing in my backyard with Paddy O'Furniture. 3) My doctor told me "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drinking." I told him, "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober.  4) The reason leprechauns laugh when they run is because the grass tickles their balls. 5) An optimist is a person who hits rock bottom and adds Geologist to his resume.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopePisces - March 17th: Heavy drinking can lead to a number of social problems, mostly the belief that, after singing karaoke at the local pub, you missed the opportunity to be a rock star. This, of course, is patently absurd.

Your singing ability has been described as "unable to carry a tune in a water bucket".

Fortunately, the heavy drinking syndrome is waived on all holidays and your birthday, so today, just grab a microphone and go for it !

Birthdays: My friends Jennifer and stock car racing great Tiger Tom Pistone - Happy Birthday 19XX, James Bridger, mountain man 1804, Kate Greenaway, illustrator and watercolorist 1846, Gloria Swanson actress 1899, Bayard Rustin, civil rights activist 1912, Nat "King" Cole, singer 1919, Rudolf Nureyev, ballet dancer 1938.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: O'Donovan was walking down the street in Dublin, Ireland and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. Father O'Rafferty said, "And how is Mrs. O'Donovan? Didn't I marry you two years ago?" She replied "Aye, that you did, Father."

Father O'Rafferty said, "And be there any little ones yet?" Mrs. O'Donovan said, "No, not yet, Father." Father O'Rafferty said, "Well, now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." Mrs. O'Donovan said, "Oh, thank you, Father," and away she went.

Some years later they met again. The Father said, "Well, now, Mrs. O'Donovan, how are you?" Mrs. O'Donovan said, "Oh, very well." Father O'Rafferty said, "Tell me, have you any little ones yet?" Mrs. O'Donovan replied, "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles - ten in all."

Father O'Rafferty said, "Now isn't that wonderful. And how is your husband?" Mrs. O'Donovan "Oh, he's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."

Patrick Flaherty came home drunk every evening around midnight. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either, so one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him.

As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming, "Patrick Sean Flaherty, if ya' don't give up you're drinkin', it's to hell I'll take ye."

Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded, "Who the hell are you?" The Missus replied, "I'm the divil ya' damned old fool". Flaherty replied, "Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: On Saint Patrick's Day, an armed, hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot, one brave, Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face. The robber shoots the guy without hesitation!

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him also. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

The robber screams, "Did anyone else see my face?!" There is a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, "I think me wife may have caught a glimpse."

An English teacher reminds her students of the written test in her class tomorrow, "Now, I don't want anyone to miss this important finals exam! I will not tolerate any excuse whatsoever for your absence, unless, of course you had to go to the hospital because of a serious injury or someone died in your immediate family."

Just after she spoke, a wise ass in the back of the class exclaimed, "Well, what if I were to tell you that I didn't show up for the test because I experienced complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The students in the class muffled their laughter.

The teacher looked sympathetically towards the young man, smiles slyly and stated, "Well, then you'll have to write with your other hand." 

That's it for today, my little leprechauns. May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain, tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all your heart desires.

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

As always enjoyed the pictures and the Wit. I agree about the internet. By goodness since Al Gore invented this thing I have had a lot of fun. But not as much fun as I have had with his Global Warming Crap!

Obama thinks Al did invent this net, and figures if Al did it, and Biden can't use it, we should give it away.
Good read, I did get a chuckle for sure, with the 'other hand!'

Linda's World said...

Paddy O'Furniture ?!? LOL I have to remember that one! Hope you had a good day...