Friday, March 28, 2014

New Jersey Politics - Christie Maneuvering For 2016?

Governor Chris Christie is obviously vying to be the 2016 Republican presidential nominee and his downfall may be the Bridgegate scandal. Hillary Clinton will probably be the Democratic nominee and her downfall may be Benghazi. I don't like either one of them.

Christie announced today that David Samson, the chairman of the Port Authority and a close ally, was resigning in the wake of the Bridgegate scandal. Christie, during an afternoon press conference in Trenton, N.J. said, "David tendered his resignation to me this afternoon, effective immediately. I want to thank him for his service and his friendship."

Christie's press conference -- his first in more than two months -- comes a day after the publication of a report that concluded the governor was not involved in the Bridgegate scandal, which shut down two of Fort Lee, N.J.'s access lanes to the George Washington Bridge from Sept. 9th to the morning of Sept. 12th.

Christie underwent secret weight-loss surgery a little over a year ago and is clearly much reduced in size, but still far from what you'd call thin. The recent controversy over closures of access lanes to the George Washington Bridge has drawn slams not only from those who’ve questioned Christie’s leadership, but also people piling on about whether he’d failed in his effort to curb his girth.

It’s been especially nasty on Twitter, where users haven’t missed an opportunity to insult Christie’s size and conservative pundit Glenn Beck jumped in on the thread last month dubbing the scandal #FatAndFurious.

But a top bariatric-surgery expert estimates that the Republican governor actually has shed between 90 pounds and 100 pounds from his 5-foot-11 frame, slimming down to an estimated 320 pounds after hush-hush gastric-banding surgery in February 2013. In the world of the super-obese, that’s success.

For Christie, the surgery can extend his life significantly. If his reasoning for the surgery was for his health, then that is good. If he did it to enhance his presidential chances, then he's no very smart. As for Hillary, win or lose in 2016, she'll never outlive her irresponsible behavior over the Benghazi incident.

The News As I See It: Obama visited with Pope Francis this week. It's traditional for world leaders to exchange gifts when they meet for the first time. The Pope gave Obama his book and two medallions. Obama gave the Pope seeds from the White house vegetable garden. The Pope said, "Great, my favorite" while muttering under his breath, "Cheap bastard."

Michelle Obama is in China right now. She fed panda bears. Like most people she feeds, the bears politely ate the bamboo and then had a cheeseburger the minute she left. Today she was busy doing some official business. She placed a wreath on the grave of General Tso, the creator of spicy chicken.

The U.N. approved a resolution calling Russia’s annexation of Crimea illegal. For those of you who don't know what a U.N. resolution is, it’s about as powerful as a negative Yelp review.

Mayor Rob Ford is running for re-election in Toronto and the first debate was about public transportation. Ford said it's important to preserve the city's bus and subway stations. He said, "I rely on those things when I’m too drunk to drive myself."

A New Jersey man who was released last week after 15 years in prison for robbing a shoe store was arrested the next day for robbing the exact same store. He learned a valuable lesson. Next time, steal both shoes at the same time.

This Date In History: 1797; Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 1930; The cities of Constantinople and Angora changed names to Istanbul and Ankara, Turkey. 1939; The Spanish Civil War ended. 1941; Author Virginia Woolf drowned herself.

1979; Nuclear power plant accident at Three Mile Island, near Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. 2000; Supreme Court rules unanimously that an anonymous tip does not justify a stop-and-frisk action against a person.

Picture Of The Day: Christie before and after the lap band surgery.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My girlfriend says I shouldn’t walk around the yard naked because our neighbors might think she's just with me for the money. 2) "This isn't my first rodeo" - Guy at his second rodeo. 3) When I was married, I always ate boiled eggs, cabbage and baked beans before my mother-in-law visited. 4) They’re considering a new 10-cent fee on grocery bags in New York. Who's laughing at the eight-thousand bags under my sink now? 5) It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big.".....and that's five !

Bonus Sixth: Lululemon is a company that makes yoga pants that are so tight they cut off circulation to the part of your brain that decides how much money is okay to spend on yoga pants.....

Today's HoroscopeAries - March 28th: Dentist's teeth are not always as great as you'd think. Next time you're in the chair, instead of looking down the nurses' top, have a good look inside the dentist's mouth. You'll be surprised.

Birthdays: My friend, Linda - Happy Birthday ! 19XX, Fra Bartolommeo, artist 1475, Maxim Gorky, writer 1868, August Busch, brewer 1899, Rudolf Serkin, pianist 1903, Dirk Bogarde, actor 1920, Nydia Velázquez, politician 1953, Reba McEntire, country singer 1955, Lady Gaga, singer, songwriter 1986.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents.

She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator.

She said, "And finally, I want to thank my new parents-in-law for giving us such a beautiful perky copulator."

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. She explained, "These are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours....."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my friend Mike for his contribution to today's stories.

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers. They said, "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife." Wilkens exclaimed, "Tell me! Did you find her?"

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?" Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay." Wilkens said, "Oh my God!"

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?" The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

Two basketball players were in a bar talking and one says to the other, "You ever notice after you have sex with a woman that your eyes burn, your nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second guy says, "Yeah, all the time." The first one asked, "Why is that?" The second guy says, "I'm pretty sure it's the pepper spray."

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, according to archaeologists, Neanderthal man was not fully erect. That's pretty easy to understand considering how ugly Neanderthal women were. My car automatically heads to AREA 51 on Fridays for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Love your wit my man!!!
I’m with you on the two, but if it comes down to it, I prefer the bridge closing to Benghazi. Just me! But Imma tell you I have sipping beef bouillon to get down to Christie’s size and I spit it out at “General Tso, the creator of Spiced Chicken.” (Sherry says, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”) She looked over at my monitor and said, “Oh, Jimmy! LOL”

Steal both shoes at the same time! Great line.

Wow the guys from Alaska know good bait when they spot it.

Thanks for educating an old guy with a good read....