Monday, June 9, 2014

I Would Have Traded Jay Carney for Bowe Bergdahl

There's been too much discussion about the Bergdahl trade. How about a knowledgeable government varmint for a probable deserter? Yes, I'm talking about Jay Carney, the lying little weasel who's been spinning the truth for Barry Soetero since day one.

Keeping with tradition, we could have gotten back a man who knowingly abandoned his post for Carney, who knows every little evil hidden secret that is buried in the bowels of the White House.

I also considered throwing in Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid in the deal, but Nancy rejected the deal when she learned that "rape, loot and pillage" wasn't part of the agreement. Harry Reid was also rejected because the Taliban did not have a suitable nursing home.

Unfortunately, Obama choose to trade the political equivalent of the Miami Heat starting five for the team mascot. Alas, he refused to give up the blindly obedient and resident idiot, Nancy Pelosi, whose motto is "a standing ovation" every time something comes out of Obama's orifices, albeit burps or farts. He also refused to give up Reid, who has been in a coma for years, but still votes democrat.

Yep, I think a Carney for Bergdahl trade would have been great. What's the worst that could have happened? The Taliban tortured him until he told the truth?

Then again, Carney could go to work for Fox News and haunt Obama forever.

The News As I See It: The air conditioning stopped working during game one of the NBA Finals between the Miami Heat and the San Antonio Spurs, which made it feel like 90 degrees inside. Or as football players, baseball players, tennis players, soccer players, and runners put it, "Must be rough." LeBron James sat on the bench for the final four minutes of the game with leg cramps and what’s crazy was his teammates still kept passing him the ball.

The original trade exchanging POW Bowe Bergdahl for five Taliban prisoners included Joe Biden, but the Taliban said no.

Gay Pride Weekend started Friday in L.A. and Sunday night CBS hosted the Tony Awards. Coincidence?

The new Tom Cruise movie opened. It's called "Edge of Tomorrow." Tom Cruise is an intergalactic warrior fighting to save our planet from aliens. I have no idea who he plays in the movie.

This Date In History: 1870; Author Charles Dickens died. 1898; China agreed to lease Hong Kong to Britain for 99 years. 1934; Donald Duck made his screen debut in The Wise Little Hen. 1944; The Republic of Iceland was established.

1973; Secretariat won the Belmont Stakes and became the first Triple Crown winner in 25 years. 1978; After 148 years, the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints finally allowed black men to become priests. 1993; Japan's Crown Prince Naruhito married commoner Masako Owada.

Picture Of The Day: My friend's daughter, Krysti, snapped this picture of the newest addition to the moose family that come every year to their home in Homer, Alaska to breed.  

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The fact that peanut butter companies feel it necessary to put on the jar that the product "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race. 2) Upon graduation from the University of Phoenix, do they just send you a screen shot of your degree? 3) I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 4) I wonder if the guy who named the mustache was aware that "hair lip" was available? 5) My friend's kid is almost old enough for social media so he'll need to have "the talk" soon. You know, about your/you're and their/there/they're and the conjugation of "To Be.".....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeGemini - June 9th: Beware of the tricksters and ruses today. I saw a coyote next to the highway and I hope the tunnel ahead isn't just painted on.

Birthdays: Peter the Great, czar of Russia (1682–1725) 1672, Bertha Suttner, novelist 1843, Cole Porter, composer 1891, Robert McNamara, defense secretary 1916, Michael J. Fox, actor 1961, Johnny Depp, actor 1963, Natalie Portman, actress 1981.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000."

The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, "Why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here and it would only cost $150?"

The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here and three days later, he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!"

A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. The personnel director says, "You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute." The dog sits down at the typewriter and types out 80 words per minute.

The director says, "You must also pass a physical and complete the obstacle course." This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.

The director continues, "There’s one last requirement. You must be bilingual." With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, "Meow!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Little Johnny comes down for breakfast and since they live on a farm, his mother asks him if he has done his chores. Little Johnny replies, "Not yet." His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores.

Pissed off, he goes to feed the chickens and he kicks a chicken. He goes off to feed the cows and he kicks a cow. Then he goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

Little Johnny asks, "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk on my cereal?" His mother says "I saw you kick the chicken so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he is walking into the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother and with a smile says, "Are you going to tell him or should I?"

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood, knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that." The elderly man said, "There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

The old man said, "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question." The priest asked, " And what is that?" The old man said, "Should I tell her the war is over?"

That's it for today, my little sweet peas. Remember, don't rely on anyone to cure all diseases when we as a society can't figure out how to merge into traffic correctly?

More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Enjoyed the visit. Especially the 'Product exposted to Peanuts' P-nut butter... & the Obama libreary & Meow!
have a good week....
From North CArolina...

jack69 said...

PS: CArney sucks, so they would not take him, just sayin!