Wednesday, June 25, 2014
The Incredible Story Of Pu Tang - The Human Tampon
I promised myself I wouldn't post this but it's just too funny to pass up. It's the story of an American student we'll call Pu Tang, whose curiosity moved him to crawl inside the sculpture of a very large vagina in Germany. Here's the story:
An exchange student from the United States got caught in the act while "exploring" a giant stone vulva in Germany. It happened outside the Tübingen University' institute for microbiology and virology.
The 22-year-old was "allegedly" dared to climb on the marble artwork named "Chacan-Pi", or "Making Love". The sculpture is supposed to signify "the gateway to the world," but the unnamed student couldn't pull his legs out.
It took five fire trucks and 22 firefighters to free him. All the while his friend took pictures of their labor. Tübingen's mayor told reporters that he was at a loss as to how anyone, even considering the most extreme adolescent fantasies, could have gotten stuck. The mayor said, "To reward such a masterly achievement with the use of 22 firefighters almost pains my soul".
It is unknown who the model was for this sculpture, but I'm ruling out Monica Lewinsky since there are no traces of cigar ashes. There is a chance that Nancy Pelosi could have been the model as the sculpture is barren and made of stone.
As you may have noticed, the man's face has been blurred ostensibly to protect his identity. Using the newest technology, Jimmy's Journal has been able to remove the face blur. You may have seen this person in Washington D.C.
I could do thirty minutes of one-liners on this story but I'll leave that to you my friends.....
The News As I See It: Michelle Obama said she wants Americans to elect a woman president "as soon as possible." So even she has had enough of Barry Obama.
Pope Francis excommunicated all members of the Mafia last weekend. After the announcement, the first thing I thought was: Good luck starting the Popemobile.
The U.S, soccer team faces Germany on Thursday after a tie with Portugal in the World Cup. This puts the U.S. in a tough spot because people have to pretend to care about soccer for another 72 hours.
Kraft is recalling 260 cases of Velveeta cheese. Problems with the ignition switch.
This Date In History: 1788; Virginia became the 10th state in the Union. 1876; Lt. Col. George A. Custer and all his men were killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at the Battle of Little Bighorn in Montana.
1950; Communist North Korean troops invaded South Korea, beginning the Korean War. 1951; The first commercial color TV program was transmitted by CBS from New York to Baltimore, Philadelphia, Boston, and Washington, DC.
1991; Croatia and Slovenia proclaimed their independence from Yugoslavia, beginning the Yugoslavian civil war. 1997; Oceanographer Jacques Cousteau died. 2009 Michael Jackson, lifelong musician, pop singer, and superstar, dies at age 50.
Picture Of The Day: The picture of the now famous Chacan-Pi sculpture. I must admit that I cannot tell you if the sculpture is anatomically correct because every time I've gotten really, really close to that part of the anatomy, I always closed me eyes.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears. 2) The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you. 3) My niece guessed the capital of Montana is Hannah and I had to give it to her because as far as I know, that's correct. 4) Going to Walmart with my girlfriend and her kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! 5) Brother Kirt had a lot of emotional problems as a child. I remember he used to think he was a chicken. We never said anything about it because we needed the eggs.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Cancer - June 25th: Today is a day that you should take the time to acknowledge your parents, especially your mother. Mothers just seem to handle adversity well while still maintaining their composure. My Mom never uttered a swear word in her life until she learned to drive.
Birthdays: My friends Cathy and Jennifer - Happy Birthday ladies! 19XX, Antonio Gaudí architect 1852, Robert Henri painter 1865, George Abbott theatrical producer 1887, George Orwell pseudonym of Eric Arthur Blair, British novelist and essayist 1903, James Meredith, civil-rights leader 1933.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night. You gotta love George.
An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample. The old man was slightly deaf and said, ''What?'' Again, the doctor said, ''I need a blood, urine and feces sample."
The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, ''The doctor needs a pair of your underwear!''
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A lady was picking up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane 12 - Tampax supersize!"
Somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "thumbtacks." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom asking, "Do you want the kind that you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
A woman wanted a face lift and her surgeon told her about a new procedure, "We put a dial in the back of your head and when your skin starts to sag you simply turn the knob." The woman says, "That sounds good."
Two years later, she goes back and tells the surgeon that the dial is giving her bags under her eyes." The surgeon replies, I'm sorry, but those aren't bags. Those are your tits." The woman says, "Well, that explains the goatee."
That's it for today, my little buttercups. Remember, if at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. A trip to AREA 51 seems to be in order. I will follow my hunches.
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !