Friday, September 26, 2014

I'll Help You Pack

I do not like big government, but not for reasons you might think. In an ideal world, big government has some merit. Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world as most people know. Politicians have learned how to game the system, from Obama down to local government officials.

In an ideal world, politicians would do what is best for the masses, not themselves. In the world as we know it, politicians could care less about the masses and dwell on what is good for themselves.

We currently have an incompetent president and an equally incompetent congress. The supreme court is just about as bad populated with doddering old fools who are intent to hang on to the bench until death.

A breath of fresh air came yesterday as attorney general Eric Holder announced his resignation from office. This comes, ironically, on the heels of a suit filed by government watchdog, Judicial Watch, of another court ruling that the Justice Department must finally cough up documents about how Holder’s Justice Department lied to Congress and the American people about the Operation Fast and Furious scandal, for which Eric Holder was held in contempt (which he is still subject to) by the House of Representatives. Holder is the first cabinet member ever to be held in contempt of congress.

In July 2014, after two years of battling for information, Judge Bates ordered the Department of Justice to release the Vaughn Index (a list of Operation Fast and Furious documents being protected under President Obama's assertion of executive privilege).

The Vaughn index, was requested through a June 2012 FOIA filing by Judicial Watch, by October 1st. DOJ responded by asking for a month long delay in releasing the list with a deadline of November 3rd, just one day before the 2014-midterm elections. That request has been denied.

A short delay was granted and DOJ must produce the Vaughn index by October 22nd. The documents had previously been withheld under Obama’s claim to executive privilege.

Over the past several months, Judicial Watch also exposed how Holder’s Justice Department was implicated in the IRS scandal and how Justice Department lawyers helped defend the illegal stonewall that kept secret key material related to Benghazi.

Eric Holder will go down in history as the most arrogant attorney general ever, constantly snubbing the constitution. Moreover, race relations have become worse since his appointment. I, for one, am happy to see him go!

The News As I See It: Eric Holder said that he will resign after five years in office. When Obama heard this, he said, “Oh, he’s my ride. I gotta go.”

The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather — because what can go wrong when you combine the efficiency of government with the accuracy of weathermen?

Obama is being criticized for saluting a soldier while holding a pumpkin spice latte. Today he sincerely apologized while eating a maple glazed doughnut .By the way, the worst part of the whole coffee thing? They got the president's name wrong on the cup. They had "Sunblock Yomama."

The federal prison population has dropped by almost 5,000 people. It's expected to go back up once the NFL season ends.

An Indian spacecraft reached the orbit of Mars. Not only did India succeed on their first attempt, they did it on a very modest budget - $74 million for the mission. They were able to keep the mission’s costs down by outsourcing all of the work to themselves. Who knows, if it keeps going, in a few years, maybe we'll have the first call center on Mars.

Wal - Mart is launching a new mobile checking account app. It's designed for that small percentage of Wal-Mart customers who are mobile.

This Date In History: 1789; Thomas Jefferson was appointed America's first Secretary of State. 1820; Frontiersman, Daniel Boone, died in Missouri. 1914; The Federal Trade Commission was established.

1950; United Nations troops recaptured Seoul, the capital of South Korea, from the North Koreans. 1960; Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took part in the first televised presidential debate.

1986; William H. Rehnquist was sworn as the 16th chief justice of the Supreme Court.

Picture Of The Day: It is said by some that Eric Holder's resignation is based on his desire to be nominated to the supreme court.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Alcohol was illegal in this country from 1919 to 1933. So for 14 long years, not a single person sang karaoke. 2) My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. We'll she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.  3) I started a neighborhood watch in my neighborhood and it was going well until she closed her curtains. 4) My friend told me that he needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. 5) A lot of bands have intense names, like "Rigor Mortis" or "Mortuary". We weren't that intense, we called our band "A Cappella". We came up with it as we were walking out of the pawn shop.....and that's five !

You know when you go into a restaurant and it gets busy? They start a waiting list and they start calling out names, "Holder, party of two." They say again, "Holder, party of two." But then if no one answers, they'll just go to the next name.

Yep, they just move on saying, "Obama, party of two." Yeah, but what happened to the Holders? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they're hungry! That's a double whammy!

"Obama, search party of two!" You can eat once you find the Holders! Next!......Donner, party of eighty-seven....."

Today's HoroscopeLibra - September 26th: It's a great Friday, so make the best if it. Dress up and go out! Chance of romance is high and chance of inebriation is low. Don't try the karaoke, liquor always makes you think you can sing.

Birthdays: My friends David, Harold, Joe Nemechek, Milady and Rich (Whew!) -  Happy Birthday all 19XX, John Chapman, American pioneer, more familiarly known as Johnny Appleseed 1774, Ivan Pavlov, experimental psychologist 1849, T. S. Eliot, poet 1888, Martin Heidegger, philosopher 1889, George Gershwin, composer 1898, Christine Todd Whitman, public official 1946, Olivia Newton-John, singer 1948, Serena Williams, tennis player 1981.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocker, wearing only a shirt, naked from the waist down.

The boy exclaimed, "Grandpa, whatcha' doing? You're weenie's out and everybody can see!" Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering.

The boy asked again, "Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with no pants on?" Grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week I sat here with no shirt on, just watching the cars go by and I got a stiff neck. This is your Grandma's idea."

An older couple, both poets, were discussing the character of men and women. She said, "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

He retorted, "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: There were twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in a nursing home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to take the pictures of them. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, "What did he say?" Her sister said, "He said we have to sit on the sofa." The photographer said, "Now get a little closer together." Again, the hard of hearing twin asked, "What did he say?" Her sister said, "We have to sit closer together." They wiggled up close to each other.

The photographer said, "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little." Yet again, the hard of hearing twin said, "What did he say?" Her sister replied, "He says he's going to focus." The hard of hearing twin exclaimed, "Oh my God, both of us?"

On his 70th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby Indian reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old medicine man slowly and methodically produced a potion, handed it to the old and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and then say '1-2-3.' When you do that, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" The medicine man replied, "Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and as she began throwing off her clothes she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition or one could end up with a dangling participle!

That's it for today, my little peacocks. Remember, the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. It's karaoke night in AREA 51 but I'm going to happy hour anyway.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jack69 said...

I too would help the sucker pack.
Okay, This one has been fun. Again son Mark is here. From the couch watching TV he turned and saw your picture on the header, "Hey that is Jimmy". He cannot read,(smile) so I had to read it to him. We had some great laughs, some of the best we have had together. later he says, "Dad, about that stiff neck,,,," I broke in with one of my mama's lines, "Shut your mouth!"
Thanks for a great evening of entertainment.
We are in SC headed for Florida, Sherry is driving Mark's Truck and he is driving the Hummer. Sherry said, "It drives great, but it's too dark in that thing."

Jimmy's Journal said...

That's great Jack! It warms my heart that you and Mark could share some fun moments together. Please say hello for me and send my warmest regards.