Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Looking back in time, I remember turning 16 and getting my driver's license.... turning 21 and could legally go to nightclubs. I remember coming home late from the bar, making breakfast and forgetting it was unwise to fry bacon naked. Ah, memories....
With $5 cash, you could drive all over the South Florida area and have enough money left over to buy three Royal Castle hamburgers and a Birch beer.
I remember calling that young girl I met at the bar and her mother said she was at her probation officer's office because she broke her probation by staying out all night with an older dude.
I remember registering for the draft and finally getting a job as a life guard until that stupid little blue kid got me fired.
I still relive that traumatic day when I learned that my parents told me they were not planning for my Bar Mitzvah. When I asked why, Mom said we weren't Jewish. Oy vez!
Remember all the fun times we've had with family and friends? Yeah.... Will you always cherish those memories? Yeah.......me too!
Obama renewed his push for Congress to raise the minimum wage Monday in a buoyant accounting of the economy's "revving" performance, delivered on behalf of Democrats opening their fall campaigns for the midterm congressional elections.
That's about all he had to say as he has no idea of what to do about ISIS terrorists beheading Americans, no plans as to how to deal with the spread of the ISIS terrorists, no idea or plans on how to deal with the onslaught of illegal aliens crossing our porous border....yada, yada, yada.
But he dressed the labor speech role well. Blue-grey shirt with sleeves rolled up as if he was going to work. Bottom line, he probably just went golfing again. What a guy!
The News As I See It: Hackers got into Apple’s iCloud over the weekend and leaked nude photos of a number of celebrities, including Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence and Kim Kardashian. Jennifer wants to sue the hacker for damages, while Kim wants to pay the hacker for his trouble. She said she was going to leak them herself next week, anyway.
The man who released the nude photos of celebrities is admitting he's on the run. However, he's been given asylum by a shadowy group known only as "guys".
Keanu Reeves turned 50 years old this week. He announced his next movie, "Bill and Ted's Excellent Prostate Exam."
Dr. Phil also had a birthday this week. He turned 64 years old. People want to know what to get Dr. Phil. I'd say if you want to get him something, how about a medical degree?
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie finally got married during a secret ceremony at a chateau in France. They said their vows surrounded by 100 of their closest children.
Reports say that several of the world’s leading kale farms are running out of seeds after the recent increase in demand for the vegetable. I guess they can’t grow it as fast as we can throw it in the garbage.
This Date In History: 1189; Richard I (the Lion-Hearted) was crowned king of England at Westminster Abbey. 1658; Oliver Cromwell, the lord protector of England, died. 1783; The Treaty of Paris officially ended the Revolutionary War between the United States and Great Britain.
1939; Great Britain and France declared war on Germany during World War II. 1967; Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam. 1974; Frank Robinson was named the first Black manager in major league baseball.
1976; The unmanned U.S. spacecraft Viking II landed on Mars and took the first pictures of the planet's surface. 1978; Pope John Paul I was installed as the 264th pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church.
Picture Of The Day: All grandmothers listen to their grandchildren's problems.....
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park. 2) Everybody has to believe in something. I believe I'll have a scotch on the rocks. 3) Politicians should be limited to two terms: One in office and one in prison. 4) A friend of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I asked him about it, he said he could stop any time. 5) I take Viagra for obvious reasons but it also keeps me from accidentally rolling out of bed in the middle of the night.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 3rd: Don't let it go to your head if someone says you're a lion. They may have said, "You're lying" and that could very well cause problems. Aside from that, today looks pretty good for you. In fact, I'd buy a lottery ticket if I were you. Romance, on a sliding scale of one to ten, is in the high sevens. Romance on a regular scale could cause back problems.
Birthdays: My friend, Raul - Happy Birthday 19XX, Mark Hopkins, merchant, railroad developer 1814, Sarah Orne Jewett, novelist/writer 1849, Louis Sullivan, architech 1856 Edward Albert Filene, merchant 1860, Charles Hamilton Houston, lawyer 1895, Loren Eiseley, anthropologist 1907, Alan Ladd, actor 1913.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A female veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions about symptoms and how long had they been occurring.
Finally, she interrupted him and said. "Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking." She smugly added, "Why can't you?"
The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have to put you to sleep."
A rancher needed a bull to service his cows but had to borrow the money from the bank to do so. The banker who lent the money came by a week later to see how his investment is doing.
The farmer complained that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.
The next week the banker returned to see if the vet had helped. The farmer, looking very pleased, said, "The bull has serviced all my cows, broke through the fence and has serviced all my neighbor's cows too!"
The banker says, "Wow, what did the vet do to that bull?" The farmer said, "He just gave him some pills." The banker asked, "What kind of pills?" The farmer said, "I don't know, but they sort of tasted like peppermint."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. Believing he is dying on the sidewalk, the man gasps, "A priest! Somebody get me a priest!"
A policeman checks the crowd.....no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. The man says again, "A priest, please!"
Then out of the crowd steps a little old man dressed shabbily and of at least eighty years of age. The man says, "Mr. Policeman, I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for fifty years now I've been living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agrees and brings the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured man and says slowly in a solemn voice, "B-4. I-19. N-38. G-54. O-72....."
Three priests were in a train station on their way home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely, well endowed woman wearing a very tight sweater. She made the three priests very nervous so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window and said, "Young lady, I would like three pickets to titsburg." He completely lost his composure and scurried away.
The second priest goes to the window and says, "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nipples and dimes." Mortified, he too hurried away.
The third priest moves to the window and says, "Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And, I must say, if you insist on dressing like that, when you get to the pearly gates, St. Finger is going to shake his Peter at you."
That's it for today, my little pea pickers. Remember, sow your wild oats on Saturday night, then pray for crop failure on Sunday. AREA 51 is my destination tonight. See you there!
More on Friday.
Stay Tuned !