Friday, September 5, 2014

Rest In Peace Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers passed away yesterday after her daughter Melissa took her off life support. Ms. Rivers stopped breathing during a "normal" throat procedure last week and apparently, the lack of oxygen to her brain while awaiting help was her demise.

There will be many accolades, regrets and condolences, mine being one of them, but I have to recount one of her most memorable lines that struck me as funny:

"I hated childbirth, that's why I only had one child. I would have liked to have had my children in a litter. Have all the kids at once! Put some papers down in a closet, give birth, keep the ones you like and sell off the runt."

Rest in peace, Joan.....

Common Core is probably one of the most useless organizations I have never seen. Besides the fact that it's another intrusion by big government into our personal lives, the logic, especially math, is made too complex for young children.

Their version of history is often changed to suit their political needs and, in some states, English is taught as a secondary language.

Common Core is set up in such a way that it can hardly be called voluntary. The Obama administration's grant program offers “Race to the Top” federal educational grants – which come from stimulus funds - to states if their school systems adopt preferred Obama policies like Common Core. States that adopt Common Core receive higher "scoring" from the Obama administration in their grant applications.

As a result of this coercion, only Nebraska, Alaska, Texas, Virginia and Minnesota have not adopted Common Core. Minnesota adopted the language arts standards but kept its own math standards. There is no evidence that the curriculum works, and it will destroy innovation among the states.

Obama is attending a NATO summit in Wales this week with 67 other world leaders. Obama said that ISIS can be shrunk to "a manageable problem" if the international community works to “isolate” it.

Manageable? What an idiot! He’s trying to project strength and he comes up with this off-the-cuff remark? This is what happens when you take away a prepared speech and a teleprompter from a basketball  player.

The News As I See It: CVS drug stores announced that the corporation is changing itself to CVS Health and they're no longer selling cigarettes. They estimate the company will lose about $2 billion this year because they're no longer selling cigarettes. It is part of their customer health focus. Of course, you'll still be able to buy all the candy, soft drinks, crash diet drugs, beer and wine you want.

Competitors have no plans to follow suit. They understand the consequences of smoking and they also understand the wonderful consequences of making $2 billion a year. If CVS really wants to demonstrate a commitment to health and wellness, get rid of the automatic doors. If you can't push a door open you are not allowed to buy a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew.

Los Angeles is considering a new plan to boost the city’s minimum wage to $13.25 an hour. It’s getting huge support across the entire country.....of Mexico.

Apple plans to launch a mobile wallet to replace credit cards. That's good because if there's one company you want to trust with your money, it's the company that leaked your nude photos.

A glitch in the John Madden NFL game has accidentally created a player who is 1 foot tall. Another glitch accidentally created an NFL player with no criminal record.

Five geckos sent into space as part of an experiment have all died. On the bright side, they were able to save 15 percent on their car insurance.

Vanna White from Wheel Of Fortune, has been very sick. She hasn't had a vowel movement since last Friday.

This Date In History: 1698; Russia's Peter the Great levied a tax on bearded men. 1774; The first Continental Congress met in Philadelphia. 1836; The Republic of Texas made military hero Sam Houston its first president.

1905; The Treaty of Portsmouth, which ended the Russo-Japanese War, was signed at the Portsmouth naval base in New Hampshire. 1972; Palestinian guerrillas killed 11 Israelis at the Munich Summer Olympics.

1997; Humanitarian Mother Teresa, who won a Nobel Peace Prize for her work with the poor, died in Calcutta, India, at age 87.

Picture Of The Day: Yep, I could live there.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) One of my lady friends went with me to the mall and I used the new valet parking. She said, "Valet parking! You are so sweet!" I told her, "Yep, and besides that, the valet always remembers where I parked my car." 2) It isn't until your kids start talking back that you realize a dog or cat would've been a better option.

3) Hey, you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone! 4) My thirty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $100 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy. 5) The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost.".....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeVirgo - September 5th: Your vision will remain good and won't fail as long as you avoid sticking forks into your eyes. You may think later this month that your computer has been hacked, however, you will soon come to realize that the family pet has chewed through the cord of your mouse.

Birthdays: My friends Jocelyn and Lounet - Happy Birthday ladies! 19XX, Louis XIV, king of France (1643–1715), son and successor of King Louis XIII 1638, Jesse James, outlaw 1847, Mrs. H. H. A. Beach, composer and pianist 1867, Darryl F. Zanuck, producer 1902, Arthur Koestler, writer 1905, John Cage, composer 1912, Bob Newhart, comedian 1929.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Bubba Ray shows up at the bar all out of breath so Dewey asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Bubba Ray says "I've been running from the cops but I finally lost them."

Dewey then asks. "What the hell did you do?" Bubba Ray replied, "I was pissing in the shower and the cops showed up to arrest me!"

Dewey says, "That's not against the law." Bubba Ray says, "That's what I thought too, but those guys at Home Depot didn't see it that way!"

Two good 'ole boys from Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first guy says to the second, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about that, but it sure would make us even."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A female journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out.

She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minute, he turned to leave.

The reporter approached him and said, "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" The man replied, "Murray Lipschitz." She asked, "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" The old man said, "For about 60 years."

The reporter said, "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" The old man said, "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults."

The reporter asked, "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" The old man replies, "Like I'm talking to a f*ckin' wall."

When Jesus went to Heaven, the first thing he did was look for his father, as he has never met the man before and was curious as to what he looks like. He looks high and low but cannot find him.

He asks St. Peter, "Where is my father?" St. Peter says he doesn't know. He asks the archangel Gabriel, "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know. He asks John the Baptist ,"Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.

Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. Jesus says, "Who are you?" The old man says."Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son."

Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? Jesus says, "Tell me of your son, old man." The old man says, "Oh, you would know him if you saw him. He has holes in his hand where the nails used to be....."

Jesus shouts, "Father!!!" The old man yells, "Pinocchio!!!"

That's it for today, my little whipper snappers. Remember, everyone wants to save the earth, but nobody wants to help with the dishes. I'm off to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Joan Rivers, that is a great line, I like it. I liked her give a ‘crap’ attitude whether she was politically correct or not. It is refreshing to know some one can even in entertainment, say something without worrying about the side effects.

Liked the news:
Good line about being able to push a door open.
The crazy ones were good also, i.e. Vanna!

Printables were tops!
Always like the jokes, but I smiled most at ‘That would make us even’.
Take care, enjoy happy hour, but not for the whole weekend….

Paula said...

Pretty picture of Joan Rivers. May she rest in peace.

Rose said...

I miss Joan already.

I, for one a reformed smoker glad to hear CVS is no longer going to sell cigarettes. All stores should have done this years ago. If people can be forced to quit.....would save more lives. Inhaling and Exhaling toxins...what a stupid thing I did for 42 years!

I stopped smoking with the aid of Chantix in 2007. Best thing I ever did. Wish I did it sooner.