Friday, November 21, 2014
Navin R. Johnson Is Alive and Well
The movie "The Jerk", begins with Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin), a befuddled homeless simpleton, directly addressing the camera and telling his story. He is the adopted white son of black sharecroppers, who grows to adulthood naïvely unaware of his obvious adoption.
He stands out in his family not just because of his skin color, but also because of his utter lack of rhythm when his adopted family plays spirited blues music. One night, he hears the staid and starchy Roger Wolfe Kahn Orchestra song called "Crazy Rhythm" on the radio and his feet spontaneously begin to move with the urge to dance.
He sees this as a calling and decides to hitchhike to St. Louis, from where the song was broadcast. On the way, he stops at a motel, where a dog wakes him up by barking at his door. Navin thinks the dog is trying to warn of a fire and decides to name the dog "Lifesaver."
He wakes up the other hotel guests to rescue them, but when everyone realizes it was a false alarm, one of the guests angrily suggests he call the dog "Shithead," which Navin takes literally. He inspires a salesman to invent special glasses and eventually meets and marries a woman named Marie (Bernadette Peters).
The movie is a subtle, tongue-in-cheek comedy and is basically a "rags to riches to rags" story and Navin ends up broke. Navin is now alone and poor, living on the streets. His story now told, he resigns himself to a life of misery and memories without Marie. But to his joy and amazement, she suddenly appears, along with Navin's family, to take him home.
There's more good news: Having carefully invested the small sums of money he sent home throughout the film, his family have become wealthy themselves. They pick him up off the street, and he and Marie move back home into the Johnson's new house — a much larger but identical version of their old, small shack.
The story ends with the entire family dancing on the porch and singing "Pick a Bale of Cotton", with Navin dancing along, now having gained perfect rhythm.
I can relate to this story because there is a part in the movie where Navin becomes very excited when the new phone books arrive because his name is in it. This amused me at the time but I realized this very week that I look forward to Thursdays, when Publix Supermarket prints their new weekly ad.
Moreover, I'm relatively sure that I may have dated a woman strikingly similar to the intimidating daredevil biker chick named Patty Bernstein (Catlin Adams) with whom Nathan had a sexual relationship with, finally realizing what his "special purpose" was for. Fortunately, Johnnie Walker Black clouds my mind.
I guess there's a bit of Navin R. Johnson in all of us.
The News As I See It: Obama gave a speech on immigration last night and none of the big four TV networks aired it. Even television wants to distance itself from Obama now.
Fifty percent of the nation is covered in snow. Record low temperatures, a very cold autumn so far. But on the bright side, you're one good ice storm away from getting out of Thanksgiving with the in-laws.
Google has developed image-recognition software that can accurately capture what’s happening in a photo. But it still has some bugs. It described Kim Kardashian's recent photo as "Woman being chased by two Butterball turkeys."
Larry King and Jodie Foster both celebrated birthdays this week. birthday. King and Foster are very different, of course. One is a grizzled showbiz veteran who's bedded hundreds of women and the other one is Larry King.
This week was also the holiday known as National Day of Monaco. Monaco is independent, but they're defended by France. In other words, they're on their own.
I don't know if you know this but Hitler was a painter and one of his watercolor paintings is being auctioned off. It's expected to sell for over $60,000. So if you're looking for a wedding gift for Charles Manson....
Obama's new immigration plan will focus on deporting violent criminals. So, this could impact your fantasy football team.
This Date In History:1783; With the Marquis d'Arlandes, Pilâtre de Rozier made the first free flight in a balloon, reaching a peak altitude of about 3,000 ft and traveling about 5 1/2 mi in 20 min. 1789; North Carolina became the 12th state.
1922; Georgia's Rebecca Felton was sworn into the U.S. Senate, becoming the first woman U.S. Senator. 1934; Cole Porter's musical Anything Goes opened in New York City. 1969; For the first time since 1930, the U.S. Senate rejected a Supreme Court nominee, Clement Haynsworth.
1973; The 18 1/2 min gap in the Richard Nixon Watergate tapes was revealed. 1991; Egypt's Boutros Boutros-Ghali was chosen to become secretary-general by the UN Security Council.
Picture Of The Day: Navin R. Johnson and his adopted family.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I've been holding my stomach in for about 3 years now, so don't talk to me about dedication. 2) I put peanut butter on both sides of my toast so that if the toast falls, I won't be disappointed. 3) She said that she was dying to have sex in the worst way, so I did her standing up in a hammock. 4) Two eyebrows are better than one. 5) I don't my burn bridges but I loosen the bolts a little each day.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Scorpio - November 21st: Don't trust little birdies, most of them tell lies. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, all the good shapes and sizes are already taken. Bread, lightly cooked and buttered. Today's horoscope was sponsored by Toast.
Birthdays: My sweet pal Tamara - Happy Birthday Baby 19XX, Voltaire, French Philosopher and Author whose name was François Marie Arouet de Voltaire 1694, Rene Magritte, painter 1898, Coleman Hawkins, jazz musician 1904, Stan Musial, baseball player 1920 Goldie Hawn, actress 1945, Beryl Bainbridge, writer 1953, Tina Brown, magazine publisher 1953, Björk singer, songwriter 1965, Troy Aikman, football player, TV commentator 1966.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One day a golfer accidentally overturned his golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive golfer who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay, what's your name?" The golfer replied, "It's John, and I'm ok, thanks."
Elizabeth said, "John forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I'll help you turn the golf cart back over later." John answered, "That's mighty nice of you, but I don't think my wife would like it." "Elizabeth was very pretty and persuasive. She said, "Oh, come on!" John finally agreed and added, "but my wife won't like it."
After a restorative brandy, and some "driving and putting" lessons, John thanked his hostess and said, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset." Elizabeth said with a smile, "Don't be silly! She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?" John said, "Under the golf cart!"
Mendel Rosenblatt was very old and suffering from a rare disease and could drink only human milk. Mendel asked the doctor, "How can I get human milk?" The doctor said, "Well, Ethel Goldstein just had a baby, maybe she'll help."
So every day Mendel went to Ethel's house for his daily feed. Ethel was a dark-eyed, big breasted lady, who, in spite of herself, gradually became aroused as Mendel lapped at her ripe breasts.
One day as he quietly lay suckling, she whispered to him, "Tell me Mr. Rosenblatt, do you like it?" Mendel sighed, "Mmmm, wonderful." Ethel, her lips parted and eyes aglow, said hesitantly, "Is there anything else you'd like?"
Mendel replied, "As a matter of fact there is," Ruby asked breathlessly, "What?" Mendel licked his lips and said, "Maybe a biscuit?"
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting."
He continued, "Would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk panamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, "Yes! Lot's of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk panamas like I asked you to do?" His wife replied, "I did, they're in your tackle box."
A man stumbles up to a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Noticing the only other man at the bar, he tells the bartender to buy him a drink. The first man then asks, "Where are you from?"
The second man replies, "I'm from Miami, but my Dad was born in Alabama." The first man says, "What a coincidence my Dad's from Alabama too! Let's have another round to Alabama." The second man says, "Good idea!"
Curious, the first man then asks, "Where in Alabama is your Dad from?" The second man replies, "Tuscaloosa." The first man says, "I can't believe it. My Dad's from Tuscaloosa too! Let's have another drink to Tuscaloosa." The second man says, "For sure!"
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, "What school did you go to?" The second man, "Hialeah High school. I graduated in '64." The first man says, "This is unbelievable! I went to Hialeah High too and graduated in '63!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. The regular says the bartender, "Hey Tom, what's going on?" The bartender says, "Nothing much, same old thing. Mondays are slow and the Sullivan brothers are drunk again."
That's it for today, my little cupcakes. Remember, the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. Stick a fork in me, I'm done and heading for AREA 51.
Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !