Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Some Days Eye Just Don't Know

I am a night owl. I hate to get up early which is one of the reasons I own my company. Moreover, I hate any appointment that starts at 9 am. The only thing that could make things worse is a 9 am doctor's appointment. Et voila, le pièce de résistance.

I embarked on my 20 mile trek at the crack of 8:30, thus assuring a race against time for an appointment at which I knew that I would not be called until 9:45, unless I was late.

Unfortunately, the weather gods amused themselves by lowering the temperature down to a blustery 55 degrees, complemented by a cold, wet, brisk northern wind. Did I mention it was raining?

Joining the fun, my car heater decided to take fifteen minutes to get to a temperature which my teeth didn't chatter. Naturally, in my haste to get on the road, I was dressed only in a thin, long sleeved shirt which the wind blew through like a knife through butter.

The appointment was with an eye specialist or, quite frankly, I would have blown the whole thing off. The good news was that things went well. The bad news was that I drove home under the same conditions with the added burden of dilated eyes.

It could have been worse, I guess.....

The News As I See It: Miami Marlins outfielder Giancarlo Stanton has signed the biggest contract in American sports history, worth $325 million over 13 years. This is the first time a team's owner has been tested for drugs. What could possibly go A-Rod?

A New York plastic surgeon has announced that he is creating “vacation breasts,” which are implants that would last two to three weeks. That’s amazing, isn’t it? Who gets a three-week vacation?

Last week, a Florida woman and her 20-year-old daughter gave birth within three hours of each other at the same hospital. I guess there’s nothing like giving birth to take the edge off becoming a grandma.

It's rumored that Kim Kardashian may buy a private island near Australia. Because if there's one thing she can't live without, it's her privacy.

Charles Manson has applied for a license to marry his 26-year-old girlfriend, who calls herself "Star." There you go, folks, another eHarmony success story.

This Date In History: 1703; A masked man held prisoner in the Bastille in Paris died. His true identity was the cause of much intrigue, and his story became the basis of literary works by François Voltaire and Alexandre Dumas.

1794; John Jay and Lord Grenville signed Jay's Treaty. 1863; Lincoln delivered his Gettysburg Address at the dedication of the national cemetery on the Civil War battlefield of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

1977; Egyptian president Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to visit Israel. 1985; Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev met for the first time in Geneva. 1990; Milli Vanilli's Grammy award was rescinded after it was discovered they didn't do their own singing.

Picture Of The Day: Fiery-eyed beauty.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Men can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control. 2) Some circumstantial evidence is compelling, like finding a trout in your milk. 3) The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. 4) In order to fly on an airplane, I must be filled up with Johnny Walker Black at the same time as the airplane is filled with aviation fuel. 5) A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeScorpio - November 19th: Commenting on a nearby person's "peaches" when there is not a treeful nearby may not go down too well today. Avoid all sexy language in your lunch break. Try to avoid reading dusty old books that call themselves "tomes." Chance of romance is 35.91 percent.

Birthdays: James A. Garfield 20th American President 1831, Billy Sunday evangelist 1862, Indira Gandhi political leader 1917, Larry King TV personality 1933, Yuan T. Lee chemist 1936, Ted Turner business executive 1938, Calvin Klein fashion designer 1942, Eileen Collins astronaut 1956, Allison Janney actor 1960, Meg Ryan actress 1961, Jodie Foster actor 1962.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A blonde went the library and stepped up to the desk. She said to the desk clerk, "I would like a hamburger, french fries and a coke." The desk clerk said, "Shhh...this is a library."

The blonde said, "Oh I'm sorry, I don't know what is wrong with me." Then, the blonde leaned over close to the desk clerk and whispered, "I would like a hamburger, french fries and a coke."

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?" The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag.

His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one." The man says, "I'll go you one better. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The party was really rocking when the host asked a very attractive blonde if she would like another drink.

The sexy blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."

With that, the host asked, "Why is that?" The blonde coyly replied, "Because after one drink I can feel it and after two drinks, anyone can!"

 A blonde and a brunette were in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff.

Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Oh my god! We need to give him Head and Shoulders." The blonde replies, "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred, "I'll die for you!" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?"

That's it for today, my little jitterbugs. Remember, women like silent men; they think they're listening. I;m off to AREA 51 - See you there!

More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

We gotta be kin, 9am is early!
liked the male Gynecologist/auto thing.
BTW how does the shoulders thing work?
I wuz rite with you on that ride. COLD!

I'm moving to Florida. Son Mark Called from Key West, and said, Yeah Dad this is FLORIDA!