Monday, March 16, 2015

I Hear Banjo Music

The morning news had James Carville (who looks like the kid who played the banjo in "Deliverance") railing about the media "persecuting" Hillary Clinton, who may or may not have signed a required Separation Agreement after leaving office.

Meanwhile, after 14 days, the State Department still does not know nor cannot find the Clinton Separation Document. I hear banjo music.

Lawsuits are popping up left and right from sites like the Associated Press and Jucicial Watch for government release of unclassified documents that have been withheld for days, even months. I hear banjo music.

But, then, while news surfing, I began to hear the trite phrases being repeated over and over, e.g., "What do you make of........?" or "Are the (insert your favorite party) overplaying their hands....?" And how many more times will politicians and media use, "Kick the can down the road."

No one is perfect and on occasion, even politicians and media types have the tendancy to parrot phrases until they become hackneyed. As a rule of thumb, any intellgent speaker knows that is the time to get off the bandwagon.

On A Side Note, have you ever wondered why Hillary wears pant suits?

The News As I See It: Listening to media people pronounce the letter "T" is driving me nuts. This morning, I heard one news anchor refer to Russian President Putin as "Pudin" and two others refer to him as "Pu_en". Is there a problem enunciating the letter "T"?

Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It's full of Hillary Clinton emails

This Date In History1521; Ferdinand Magellan reached the Philippines. 1850; Nathaniel Hawthorne's novel The Scarlet Letter was published. 1926; The first liquid-fuel rocket was successfully launched by Professor Robert Goddard at Auburn, Massachusetts. The rocket traveled 184 feet in 2.5 seconds.

1935; Adolf Hitler cancelled the military clauses of the Treaty of Versailles. 1968; The My Lai massacre occurred in Vietnam. 1978; Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped, and later murdered, by the Red Brigades.

1985; U.S. journalist Terry Anderson was kidnapped in Beirut; he was not released until December 4, 1991 after 2454 days in captivity. 1988; Lieutenant Colonel Oliver L. North and Vice Admiral John M. Poindexter of the National Security Council are indicted on charges of conspiracy to defraud the United States for their role in the Iran-contra affair.

Picture Of The Day: The lovely Luly and I in AREA 51 at the pre-St.-Patrick's-Day party on Friday night at Sabores Restaurant in Miami Springs.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) A portmanteau is when you combine two words to make one word. A great example of this is Groupon, a mixture of grey and poupon. 2) Ladies, the next time you're at Happy Hour and some dumb ass asks, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?", simply reply, "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic." 3) Then I said "No officer, I’m not slurring my speech. I’m speaking in cursive."

4) My new answering machine recording: "Hello telemarketers and collection agencies. Your call is very important to me. Please leave a message after this enjoyable 40 minute flute solo." 5) The hardest part of potty training my puppy is taking a dump outside with him so he can learn. The neighbors taking pictures doesn't help either.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopePisces - March 16th: Your brother is heavy, no matter what you hear on the radio. The end is growing nearer but, according to the stars, you've still got plenty of time. If you never liked asparagus before, try it again. I still think it tastes like shit, but your tastes may have changed.

Birthdays: Georg Simon Ohm, physicist 1787, Reza Shah Pahlevi, shah of Iran 1877, Henny Youngman, comedian 1906, Jerry Lewis, comedian 1926, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, sociologist and politician 1927, Bernardo Bertolucci, filmmaker 1940.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An aging grandmother tells her grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, the farmhouse and $24,548,750 in cash."

The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandma, you are so generous! I didn’t even know you had a farm. Where is it?" Grandma whispered, "Facebook…"

At the shopping mall the other day, an old man watched a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.

The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?

The old man did not bat an eye and responded, "Yep, I got drunk one night and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A farmer goes into town to see a vet to see if how to tell that his pigs are pregnant. The vet says that if they're standing up in the morning they're not pregnant, but if they're rolling in the mud they are.

So the farmer goes home and loads all of his pigs in the back of his pick-up and takes them all out in the woods and does all of them. Then he takes them home and unloads them in their pen. Afterwards he gets tired so goes to bed.

The following morning, he gets up and checks on the pigs and they're standing up, so he takes them all out in the woods and does them all twice. Then, he goes home, quickly unloads them in their pen and goes right to bed.

The next day, the farmer is so tired he can't even get out of bed, so he yells to his wife to come into his bedroom. He tells her to look out the window and tell him if the pigs are standing up or rolling in the mud. His wife replies, "Neither, they're all in the back of the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

The day care teacher holds up a picture and asks, "What's this?" A child answers, "It's a horsie." The teacher asks,  "And this?" Another child answers, "A piggy," replies another youngster."

The teacher, holding up a picture of a male deer with a beautiful rack of antlers, asks, "And how about this one?" There was no answer, only total silence.

The teacher coaxes, "Come now, children, I'll give you a little hint. What does your Mommy call your Daddy when he hugs and kisses her a lot? A little girls exclaims,"I know! I know! It's a horny bastard!"

An older woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance", says Mrs. Murphy, "he won't even take an aspirin for a headache." "No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on."

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went. Mrs. Murphy replies, "Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor." The doctor asked, "What happened?"

Mrs Murphy said, "Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible."

The doctor asked, "What was terrible? Was the sex not good?" Mrs. Murphy responded, "Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but we've been barred from McDonald's."

That's it for today, my little wildflowers. Remember, lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

Loved the black hole filled with Clinton e-mails.
Carville ain’t right no-way! :-0 (I’m learning to make ‘em little sideways dudes and I ain’t never liked ‘em)
Shi_, I can’t do the T thing either!
Just a note, I ain’t about to be barred from Mickey D’s.
Looking good for St. Paddy's day!