Friday, June 19, 2015

Flower Girl Steals The Show

This 4-year-old flower girl wasn't afraid to show a little affection at her mom Michelle Hall's Knoxville, Tennessee wedding. Flower girl Anderson surprised everyone when she planted a kiss on the ring bearer during a bridal party photo shoot.

Photographer Leah Bullard said, "I set up the wedding party for a formal shot as I do with every wedding and then asked the bride and groom to kiss. Since Anderson had been calling herself the bride the whole day, she assumed I was referring to her and went in for a kiss too. It was a memorable moment that had everyone in tears laughing."

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads and Step-Dads. It's not an easy job but some guy has to do it.....

The News As I See It: Political analysts are saying that as a candidate, Donald Trump is "a totally unqualified nuisance." In other words, he is a legitimate contender for the presidency.

Rachel Dolezal, the white NAACP leader who said she is black, claimed there's no biological proof that she's white. However, today that was disproven by scientists who found a wine cooler in her bloodstream.

For the first time in 140 years, a black bear was spotted in Indiana. When questioned, the bear said, "Actually, I just identify as black."

The Golden State Warriors beat the Cleveland Cavaliers to win their first NBA title in 40 years. Andre Iguodala of the Warriors was named the MVP, which is great news for everyone except whoever has to engrave that name on a trophy.

This Date In History: 1862; Congress abolished slavery in the U.S. territories. 1865; Gen. Gordon Granger informed the citizens of Galveston, Texas, that the slaves were freed. The celebration of the day became known as Juneteenth.

1867; The first running of the Belmont Stakes. 1934; The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) was created. 1964; The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved. 1977; Pope Paul VI proclaimed John Neumann, the first male saint from the United States.

1987; The Supreme Court struck down a Louisiana law requiring any public school teaching the theory of evolution to teach creationism as well. 2002; Afghanistan president Hamid Karzai was sworn in.

Picture Of The Day: Bribery cohorts, former FIFA president Sepp Blatter and former Secretary of State Hillary "Leaky Bladder" Clinton compare note$.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego. 2) People sweat so that they don't catch fire while they're making love. 3) Viagra has been on the market now for more than 15 years. I find it hard to believe it's been so long. 4) I was getting on a plane to Las Vegas and I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to Las Vegas and send the other one to Los Angeles." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"  5) I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough.....and that's five !

Today's HoroscopeGemini - June 19th: The night may feel like a safe time to parade naked through the local city streets, however, you may find there are some that oppose your freedom.

Whenever you feel unhappy today, go to the toilet. This action should soon turns things around for you.

Be happy for the good things that happen to you as it could be worse. Remember that time you woke up with your face in a plate of nachos and an Amish horse and buggy parked in front of your house?

Birthdays: Blaise Pascal, scientist and religious philosopher 1623, Guy Lombardo, band leader 1902, Lou Gehrig, American baseball player 1903, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi, human rights activist 1945, Kathleen Turner, actress 1954.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs. She said, "Really? Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday."

A hooded robber burst into a Texas bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door, a brave Texas customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off revealing the robber’s face. The robber shot the customer without a moment’s hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him. The robber instantly shot him also. Everyone else, by now very scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence. The robber yelled, "Well, did anyone else see my face?"

There are a few moments of utter silence in which everyone was plainly afraid to speak. Then, one old cowboy tentatively raised his hand, and while keeping his head down said, "My mother-in-law got a pretty good look at you."

Word has it that the new $10 bill will have a picture of a woman on it. I wonder if Barry Soetero Obama has a hand in the new design? 

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My Thanks to Brother Kirt for his contribution to today's stories.

A woman realized that her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The woman goes to the drug store and to get some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The woman says, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady woman says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer." The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week."

She's single....

She lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk and get laid tonight! Are you doing anything?"

I quickly replied, "Nope, I'm free!" She said, "Great! .....Could you watch my dog?

That's it for today, my little pork chops. Remember, If you take the Ginko, you might be able to remember where you put the Viagra. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads! Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

I liked the broken seal, sweat and fire ; lines.
Dat 4 yr old is a fast leaner…
Whatdayamean LEAKY BLADDER takes bribes?
Oh yeah…..HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!!
Thanks for the laughs and the education..