Friday, June 26, 2015
Order In The Supreme Court: Tossed Salad?
The Supreme Court has ruled that same-sex marriage is legal in all fifty states. Although pleased with the decision, Obama had hoped that the ruling would cover all 57 states. As a lesbian, I am pleased with the ruling as well.
Heterosexual couples have long suffered with this right and I find it only fair that same sex couples suffer equally. There was an equally compelling feeling of joy among divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
Coming off a brilliant decision on Obamacare, in which they were able to determine what the writers of the Obamacare law meant to say instead of how the law was written, the Court has raised itself to a new level, previously obtained only by the Amazing Kreskin.
In light of their new abilities and powers, phrases like "no parking" can be interpreted in any way it pleases the court and the written word will be meaningless, opening a whole new can of worms.
After the court adjourns, Justice John Roberts will return to his part time job of kissing Obama's black ass, Justices Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan will celebrate with their brethren and Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg will be given a bottle of wine and returned to the nursing home. No word yet on Groucho, Harpo or Zippo.
The News As I See It: The Supreme Court ruled to preserve the Affordable Care Act, more commonly known as Obamacare, so we now can do anything we want. We could drink, smoke, jump mini-bikes off bridges, or play chainsaw tag if we want to. If we get hurt, it's not our problem. It's America's problem, together.
Obama triumphantly declared that the Affordable Care Act is here to stay. Then he went into the Rose Garden and secretly smoked a cigarette.
Donald Trump, while leading reporters on a tour of one of his golf courses, said this week that "the Latinos love Trump and I love them." And what better place for a white guy to declare his love for Latinos, than on a golf course.
This Date In History: 1819; The bicycle was patented by W. K. Clarkson. 1843; Hong Kong was proclaimed a British crown colony. 1906; The first Grand Prix motor race was held in Le Mans, France. 1959; The St. Lawrence Seaway, connecting the Great Lakes and the Atlantic, was opened.
1963; President John Kennedy gave his, "Ich bin ein Berliner" (I am a Berliner) speech in West Berlin.1976; The CN tower in Toronto opened, then the world's tallest free-standing structure.
2000; The first map of the human genome, which required decoding more than 3 billion biochemical "letters" of human DNA, is completed. 2003; Former South Carolina senator Strom Thurmond died at age 100.
Picture Of The Day: Justice Elena Kagen continues her good work.
Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Why am I always behind morons at McDonald's who act like they've never seen the menu in their life? 2) I had amnesia once - maybe twice. 3) A lot of bands have intense names, like "Rigor Mortis" or "Mortuary". We weren't that intense. Back in the day, we called our band "A Cappella". We came up with that name as we were walking out of the pawn shop. 4) My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend.....yet. 5) Alcohol was illegal in this country from 1919 to 1933. So for 14 long years, not a single person sang karaoke.....and that's five !
Today's Horoscope: Cancer - June 26th: Today is tailor made for you. Go to a nice restaurant for lunch and buy a few lottery tickets. Oh, and buy gas... The prices will continue to rise. Chances for romance are 67.62 percent and even higher if you've got gas...., from the gas station...., Ah hell, you know what I mean!
Birthdays: Bernard Berenson, art critic 1865, Pearl S. Buck, American author 1893, William Lear, inventor 1902, Babe Didrickson Zaharias, athlete 1911, Claudio Abbado, conductor 1933.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: There were twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in a nursing home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to take the pictures of them. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, "What did he say?" Her sister said, "He said we have to sit on the sofa." The photographer said, "Now get a little closer together." Again, the hard of hearing twin asked, "What did he say?" Her sister said, "We have to sit closer together." They wiggled up close to each other.
The photographer said, "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little." Yet again, the hard of hearing twin said, "What did he say?" Her sister replied, "He says he's going to focus." The hard of hearing twin exclaimed, "Oh my God, both of us?"
Four guys have been going on the same hunting trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Chris' wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Chris' buddies are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Chris sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. One of them asks, "Damn Chris, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?" Chris says, "Well, I've been here since yesterday." The guys asks, "How did you convince her?"
Chris says, "Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?' I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom."
Chris went on, "The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie her up and handcuff her to the bed, and I did. Then she said, 'Do whatever you want'. So, here I am."
The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve. They had children and, so all mankind was made."
A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound.
Miss Annabell said, "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City. They have men there who kiss other men on the lips." Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my!" Miss Annabell said, "They call them homosexuals." The young girls fan themselves and say "Oh my! Oh my!"
Miss Annabell continued, "They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!" The girls asked, "What do they call them?" Miss Annabell said, "They call them lesbians."
Miss Annabell said, "They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City." The young girls squealed, "Oh My! Oh My!," as they sat on the edge of their chairs and fanned themselves even faster. "What do they call them?" they asked in unison.
Miss Annabell leans forward and said in a hush, "Why, when I caught my breath, I called him 'Precious'."
That's it for today, my little Junebugs. Remember, when the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.
Stay Tuned !