IRS: The Customer Is Always Ripe

46% of Americans pay no taxes. With "Crooked Hillary" and the drooling, senile old socialist screaming for more taxes on the wealthy, I look forward to when the government institutes a national tax plan where taxes are based on purchases.

If you think you've heard screaming and moaning about more taxes on the wealthy and higher minimum wages, wait until the free riding, Obama phone using, complainers find that everything they purchase will cost them more.

Granted, the misuse of government income by politicians only acerbate the nation's tax problems, but the wealthy currently pay 70% of the nations taxes.

At a certain point in time, businesses paying 90% income tax will move to a more tax friendly location. You see this in states like Michigan and New York state, where the tax rate got so bad, businesses simply moved out. Nowadays, both states have extensive advertising (and tax breaks) to lure new businesses back to their respective states.

But it's too little, too late. Heavy taxes and high crime rates are contributing to the eventual demise of Detroit and other Michigan cities. Chicago's high crime rate and exorbitant taxes are following the same path.

The answer to the tax woes of the nation are complicated, but I can assure you that when the non-taxpaying citizens surpass 50 % of the population, something has to give.....

The News As I See It: Today is Tax Day, that one day out of the year that even Democrats turn into Republicans.

Cicadas are coming back in May. These unusual insects spend almost all of their lives in holes underground and only emerge once every 17 years to mate, just like any couple with a Netflix account.

This Date In History: 1775; Paul Revere rode from Charlestown to Lexington to warn Massachusetts colonists of the arrival of British troops during the American Revolution. 1906; The Great San Francisco Earthquake destroyed over 4 sq mi. and killed over 500 people.

1923; The first game was played in Yankee Stadium (“the House that Ruth built”). Yankees beat the Boston Red Sox 4–1. 1956 Grace Kelly married Prince Rainier of Monaco. 1968; London Bridge was sold to an American. It was rebuilt in Arizona.

1978; The U.S. Senate voted to hand over the Panama Canal to Panamanian control on Dec. 31, 1999. 2002; Afghanistan’s former king, Mohammad Zahir Shah, returned after 29 years in exile. 2012; American Bandstand and New Year's Rockin' Eve host Dick Clark died of heart failure.

Picture Of The Day: Thought for today.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If you're an atheist vegan, a runner, a Hillary Clinton voter and recently quit smoking, how do you choose which way to annoy people in a conversation first? 2) One of the fake rooms at Ikea should just be a couple fighting as they try to put the furniture together. 3) If my computer crashed, I wonder if all the other computers would slow down so they can see what's happening.

4) My friend asked his wife if they could get a young nanny. Of course, she got mad and said "No!". When he asked her why, she said, "For one thing, we don't have any kids." 5) It's sad to see how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Aries - April 18th: Temptation is everywhere, especially if you're willing to look for it.

Birthdays: Lucrezia Borgia, noblewoman 1480, Carlos Manuel de Cespedes, revolutionist 1819, Clarence Darrow, American lawyer 1857, Max Weber, painter 1881, Leopold Stokowski, conductor 1882, Conan O'Brien, talk-show host 1963.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Murphy the Irishman walks into a pastry shop. A black guy in front of him was waiting on his order. In a flash, the black guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't even notice.

The black guy says to Murphy, "You see how clever we are? You Paddies can never beat that!" Murphy says to the black guy, "Watch this, any Paddy is smarter than you and I'll prove it to you."

Paddy says to the baker, "Give a cookie. I'll show ya a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie, which he promptly eats. Then he says to the baker, "Give another cookie for my magic trick."

The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again, "Give one more cookie....." The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway. He eats this one, as well.

The baker is really mad now and he yells, “O.K! where is your famous magic trick?" Murphy says, "Look in the black guy's pocket!"

A businessman in 1st Class says to a gorgeous air hostess, "What’s your name?" The hostess replies, "Angela Benz, Sir!" The businessman says, "Lovely name, any relation to Mercedes Benz?" The hostess, "Yes sir, very close." The businessman asks, "How close?" The hostess replies, "Same price!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is this weird hat that we are wearing?" 'The father said, "It's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!"

The son then asked, "And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?" The father replied, "It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!"

The boy continued, "And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?" The father answered, "These are 'babouches' which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!"

The boy said to his father, "Tell me, father. Why are we living in New Jersey and still wearing all this shit?"

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. The homeowner asks, "What are you going to do?"

The man says, "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner, who asks, "What's the shotgun for?" The man replies, "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"

That's it for today, my cute little aardvarks. Remember, if really good-looking people are "eye candy", I guess that puts me somewhere around the "eye broccoli" category.

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More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !