Friday, September 23, 2016

The Presidential Debate

One hundred million households will view the presidential debate Monday night. Amusingly, social media will light up like a Christmas tree. I don't know which is scarier. The candidates are somewhat enlightened, but half of social media are whackadoodles.

NBC's Lester Holt will moderate the first debate. While NBC is notoriously liberal, Lester Holt is a professional and hopefully conduct a non-biased debate. Recent criticism of Matt Lauer's handling of the Clinton-Trump forum notwithstanding, my hopes that Holt and future moderators will not be affected by biased public opinion and will do a good job.

Nevertheless, Monday night should be very interesting and I look forward to the debate.

Lester Holt

The News As I See It: Yahoo announced that at least 500 million user accounts have been hacked, which would be one of the biggest cyber security breaches ever. They got information from 500 million people who are still inexplicably using Yahoo.

Mike Pence, Donald Trump’s running mate, said that his role model for the vice presidency is Dick Cheney. To prove it, this weekend Pence had six heart attacks and shot his friend in the face.

Everybody’s talking about these leaked emails from former Secretary of State Colin Powell. In one, he actually called Dick Cheney an idiot. Cheney was very hurt. In fact, he said the comments broke his latest heart.

Recent polling has shown that Hillary Clinton’s lead over Donald Trump has almost totally disappeared and the candidates are basically tied. They’re neck and neck. Well, for Trump it’s the neck. For Hillary, it’s more like a gizzard thing.

A woman in Oregon who was hospitalized for E. coli after eating Chipotle is suing the company for free Chipotle. It’s all part of Oregon’s "right to die" law.

A man is getting barmitzv’d at age 113. They’re hoping the attendance is better than last year when he got circumcised.

This Date In History: 1779; John Paul Jones declared, "I have not yet begun to fight!" aboard the American warship Bonhomme Richard in the battle against the British man-of-war Serapis. 1806; After a three-year journey to the Pacific Northwest, the Lewis and Clark expedition returned to St. Louis.

1846; German astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet Neptune. 1939; Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, died in London. 1952; Vice presidential candidate Richard Nixon delivered his "Checkers speech" rebutting charges of improper campaign financing.

1973; Former Argentine president Juan PerĂ³n returned to power. 2011; Palestinian president Mahmoud Abbas officially requests a bid for statehood at the UN Security Council. 

Picture Of The Day: The Clintons at their finest.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I joined a health club last year, spent 400 bucks and I haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there. 2) My girlfriend is at her classiest when, during a romantic interlude, I rip off her bra off and cookie crumbs fall out. 3) If you tip the world over on its side, anything and everything that's illegal, loose or useless will land in Los Angeles. 4) I had to quit taking iron supplements when I used Viagra. Every time I got an erection, I pointed north.  5) You know you're from the South when you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 20th: Someone will attempt to lead you into temptation tonight. Resist! You can find temptation all by yourself and at half the cost. A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price. Go now, or forever hold your pee.

Birthdays: Euripides, Greek tragic dramatist, ranking with Aeschylus and Sophocles 480 or 485 B.C,, Mickey Rooney, actor 1920, John Coltrane, jazz musician 1926, Ray Charles, musician 1930, Bruce Springsteen, singer 1949.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old."

The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your big fat ass?" She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."

Tyrone goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. After awhile the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar. Tyrone gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?" Tyrone replies, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

The preacher puts one finger in Tyrone's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Tyrone's head and prays and prays and prays. After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Tyrone how is your hearing now?" Tyrone replies, "I don't know, Reverend, it's not until next Wednesday."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Little Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom..."

A Texan and his wife were on a trip to New York. She had just finished showering to dress for dinner and noticed that she had neglected to pack her bras. She asked her husband to go down to the dress shop in the lobby and pick up a couple of 36-C bras. He said, "I'll go right now."

So he put on his ten gallon hat and went to the shop. The saleslady said, "May I help you sir?" When he told her that he wanted two 36-C bras. She asked, "Would you like two Playtex?" He answered, "I'd love to little lady, but my wife's waiting for me up in the room."

That's it for today, my little foxes. Remember, there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Follow Jimmy's Journal on Facebook by clicking the "Follow This Blog" button at the top right of the page.

Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Enjoyed the read. We just purchased a cheap home in Deltona. Drove to NC to get some stuff and heading back in 4-5 days.
The UPS man is sneaky. I don't think he can afford it.!

Heli gunner Tom said...

Hi Jim,
I loved the jokes today ! I don't want to miss the debate on Monday night either, and it should prove to be very exciting and interesting, if Hillary can stand on her feet for all that time. -- Tommy Schuckman