Friday, September 16, 2016

How Do Some Morons Become Congress Members?

In a TV interview, a Congresswoman said, "That's hyperbole". She pronounced it: "hyper bowl". A tip for politicians and some reporters: If you mispronounce the word, you usually don't use it and/or don't know it's meaning. I still cringe at "New-kew-lar" (nuclear).

And who can forget the brilliant Nancy Pelosi who she said on national television, "But we have to pass the bill so you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy."

How Congressional districts are formed and reformed is usually a partisan endeavor. In most cases, a state’s district lines--for both state legislative and congressional districts--are redrawn by the state legislature, and the majority party controls the process. Some states require bi-partisan or non-partisan commissions to oversee the line-drawing.

However, the state governor and majority party leaders often control who is appointed to these commissions. At the local level, city council presidents and/or council members usually oversee the redistricting process. Some states are moving toward involving citizens in the redistricting process and creating truly independent redistricting commissions.

Gerrymandering is a practice intended to establish a political advantage for a particular party or group by manipulating district boundaries.

With all of these continuing changes, some representatives squeeze through the cracks with little or no ability to do the job. Therein lies the problem, hence "hyper bowl".

There are many common words that people just absolutely destroy, two of which that drive me up a wall are: "Jew-le-ry" (jewelry) and "Real-a-tor"(realtor). I'm sure my readers have your own verbal thorns that aggravate you.

There are many words that: a) I don't know the meaning or b) I do not pronounce the word correctly. I always appreciate when I'm corrected because that's how one learns and expands one's vocabulary.

There are those who say words because they're just stubborn or holier-than-thou. A prime example is Obama who still chooses to use the acronym ISIL while the entire world refers to the same group as ISIS. Yet he is still unable to say "Muslim Terrorists". Go figure. I guess he figures it will make his family angry, but I digress. Sic' em !

The News As I See It: Hillary Clinton is featured in the upcoming issue of Women’s Health magazine. Next month she’ll be featured in "Bad Timing" magazine.

The upcoming movie about Obama during his college years reportedly shows a young Obama shirtless, smoking cigarettes and smoking weed. The title should be: "Back To The Future 2017: Obama Returns To His Chicago Ghetto Days."

Wal-Mart is working on a self-driving shopping cart that would return itself to the store after you’re done using it. Though the minute that Wal-Mart shopping cart becomes self-aware, it’s going to drive itself to Publix and never look back.

Donald Trump decided to clear the air and reveal the results of a recent physical, on "The Dr. Oz Show." It's an interesting move. Like for Donald Trump, you know, sure, Dr. Oz is a respected doctor — you know, in the same way that Dr. Dre is a respected doctor.

This Date In History: 1630; The Massachusetts village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston. 1810; Mexico began its revolt against Spanish rule. 1908; General Motors was founded by William C. Durant.

1919; The American Legion was incorporated by an act of Congress. 1940; The United States first adopted peacetime conscription when President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Selective Training and Service Act into law.

1974; President Ford announced conditional amnesty for Vietnam War deserters and draft evaders. 197u5; Papua New Guinea became independent. 1982; Lebanese Christians massacred hundreds of Palestinian refugees in Beirut.

1987; The Montreal Protocol was signed by 25 nations, limiting production of substances that harm the ozone layer. To date, 197 nations have ratified the protocol.

Picture Of The Day: I'm an adorable deplorable.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If my arms are full of papers, boxes or books, don't bother opening the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a cripple and opening doors is good training in case I should ever be injured. 2) I told my doctor I had been noticing a burning sensation in my eyes and difficulty breathing after sex. He told me it was probably just the Mace. 3) I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-girlfriend and me. After all, I'm a Taurus and she's a bitch. 4) The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills. 5) The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Virgo - September 16th: Someone will attempt to lead you into temptation tonight. Resist! You can find temptation all by yourself and at half the cost. A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon. Buy the negatives at any price. Go now, or forever hold your pee.

Birthdays: James Jerome Hill, railroad builder 1838, Albrecht Kossel, physiologist 1853, Jean Arp, sculptor, painter 1887, Allen Funt, radio and television producer 1914, Lauren Bacall, actress 1924, Charlie Byrd, jazz guitarist 1925, B. B. King, guitarist 1925,

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women are happy to maintain the old custom.

Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?" The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes and without hesitation, said, "Land mines."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: The coach had put together the perfect team for the Baltimore Ravens. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching FOX News, he saw a war-zone scene in the West Bank . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Israeli soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE!

The coach thinks, "I've got to get this guy! He has the perfect Arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Ravens go on to win the Super Bowl. The young man is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his Mother.

He says into the phone, "Mom, I just won the Super Bowl!" The old woman says, "I don't want to talk to you, You are not my son!" The young man pleads"I don't think you understand, Mother," The young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

His mother tells him, "No! Let me tell you! At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"

The old lady pauses and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Baltimore !!!"

When Jesus died and went up to Heaven, the first thing he did was to look for his father, as he has never met the man before and was curious as to what he looked like. He looked high and low but could not find him.

He asked St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter said he didn't know. He asked the archangel Gabriel, "Where is my father?" But Gabriel didn't know. He asked John the Baptist, "Where is my father?" But John did not know.

So he wandered Heaven, impatiently searching for years. One day, he saw out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man was very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. Jesus yelled, "Who are you?" The old man said,"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus was very curious. Could this be his father?

Jesus said, "Tell me of your son, old man." The old man said, "Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..." Jesus screams, "Father!" The old man yelled, "Pinocchio!"

That's it for today, my little puddy tats. Remember, one of the good things about experience is that it enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. I'm heading over to AREA 51 for happy hour.

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Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Okay, just to let you know that the hairspray thingee is 'Hyperbole' However, the word 'hyperbole' itself, Sherry says I can't pronounce! Just sayin'.

Thanks for the entertainment.....

Mary Degli Esposti said...

I just discovered I don't know how to pronounce hyperbole.
I used to read you occasionally, eons ago. Did I spell that right?
I think Obama actually did better than many people predicted he would.