Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I Know How The Guy Who Drives The Snowplow Gets To Work

In my Monday entry, I posed the question, "How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning?" Several readers asked the same question. Just how does the snowplow driver get to work? As a public service, Jimmy's Journal has investigated this question further and I have arrived at several ways the snowplow driver could get to work.

The most plausible answer I found was that he drives his plow home at night and leaves it plugged in to a heater in the driveway. When the snow gets deep enough to need to be plowed, he's ready to go. This of course is assuming that the electricity does not go out and he is unable to start the plow in the morning.

It is also assuming he does not oversleep and another snowplow driver has passed in front of his home at 50 miles per hour and inundated his snowplow with so much snow that he is unable to get out of his driveway.

Another thought was that he skiied or walked to work. While this seems possible, it seems to me that it wouldn't work well if he lived downhill from where his snowplow was parked or the distance was to far away to ski or walk.

They thought also struck me that he might hang out at his base before it starts snowing. Its sort of like how firefighters who are already at work and just waiting for a fire. Same deal here, the snowplow drivers just hang out at their base when there is forecast snow, and when a sufficient amount of snow has fallen, they launch the trucks.

But this poses another question? Who supplies the base area with wood for their fires so they can stay warm while waiting for the theoretical snowstorm? Moreover, if they were not delivered wood, could they rely on the proverbial woodchuck for their fuel. And finally, just how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

While other journalists write irrelevant stories about global warming, the war in Afghanistan, Barack Obama's teleprompter and Sarah Palin's handprompter, Jimmy's journal is, Jimmy-on-the-spot, answering questions that the public really wants to know!

The News As I See It: The New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl and there was a huge snowstorm in Washington with over two feet of snow. I guess it's true what people say, that the Saints would win when hell freezes over. The Winter Olympics, will be shown on NBC over the next two weeks. They are doing something this year that is going to add a little more excitement. All the bobsleds are made by Toyota.

President Obozo just held his first monthly bipartisan meeting and said that working together on jobs would be "a good place to start." You know where else would be a good place to start? A year ago. O'Bummer told all nonessential White House employees they didn’t have to come in to work. Actually, just Joe Biden.

Sarah Palin, at the tea party convention, mocked president Obama for using a teleprompter and then someone noticed that she had notes written on her hand. Writing stuff on your hand isn’t always good, it’s actually how President Bush invaded Iraq instead of Iran. Governor David Paterson of New York, who is legally blind, is denying rumors of having an affair by saying he’s not seeing another woman.

This Date In History: 1763; Treaty of Paris signed, ending the French and Indian War. France ceded Canada and all its North American territories east of the Mississippi to Great Britain. 1837; Russian poet and novelist Alexander Pushkin was killed in a duel. 1840; Queen Victoria married Prince Albert.

1942; Glenn Miller received the first ever gold record for selling a million copies of "Chattanooga Choo Choo." 1962; The Soviet Union exchanged captured American U-2 pilot Francis Gary Powers for Rudolph Abel, a Soviet spy held by the United States. 1967; The 25th Amendment was ratified, establishing presidential succession.

1996; IBM's computer, Deep Blue, beat the world chess champion, Garry Kasparov, in the first game of their match. 2005; Pulitzer Prize winning playwright Arthur Miller died.

Picture Of The Day: It's hard to tell sometimes which one of our theoretical leaders is the dumbest. From Barack Obama's American Idol teleprompter getup or seventh grade crib notes from the lady who can see Russia from her home in Alaska. After eight years of listening to George Dubya's inability to speak the English language, I kinda hoped that Obama might be a change for the better. Well, so much for the American Idol presidential vote.

Now we have Sarah Palin posturing for the presidency, a woman who's not bright enough to think that someone would notice the notes written on her hand. I think I'm going to start a write-in campaign for Sammy Davis Jr for president. Davis, a dead, Black, one-eyed Jewish man who, in his current state, could do a better job than our current political leaders.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 2) I would gladly trade in my "Caller I.D." for a "Caller I.Q." 3) I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. 4) A Democrat is a person who sees a glass partially filled and says, "This glass is half full!" A Republican is a person who sees the same glass and says, "Hey! Who's been drinking my water?" 5) If the early bird gets the worm, what happens to the early worm?.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Boris Pasternak, Russian Author 1890, Jimmy Durante, comedian, actor 1893, John F. Enders, bacteriologist 1897, Bertolt Brecht, dramatist 1898, Leontyne Price, opera singer 1927, Robert Wagner, actor 1930, Roberta Flack, singer, songwriter 1939, Peter Allen, singer, songwriter 1944, Mark Spitz, swimmer 1950, Laura Dern, actress 1967.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A blonde left work and it was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her daddy's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift.

This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprise when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.

The snow plow driver asked, "Are you alright, Miss? I was worried because you've been following me for a long time." The blonde said, "I'm fine, thanks. It's that with all this snow, I was following my daddy's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard." The driver replied, "That's OK with me. You can continue if you want, but but I'm done with the WalMart parking lot and I'm heading over to K-Mart next."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's story.

A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy "half" a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."

As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" The boy said, "Ohio, sir."

The manager continued, "Well, why did you leave Ohio?" The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but baseball players and whores up there." The manager angrily said, "My wife is from Ohio!" The boy replied, "No shit? What team does she play for?"

A policeman interviews two blondes who are training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye and one ear!" The policeman says, "Well, uh, that's because the picture only shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmm - the suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is speechless because he really doesn't know if the suspect wears contacts or not. He says, "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file."

He leaves the room and goes to his office to check the suspect's file in his computer. He returns with a beaming smile on his face and says, "Wow, it's true! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" The blonde replied. "That's easy, he can't wear glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

That's it for today my little Puddy Tats. Remember, always follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work. I'm going to AREA 51 for Happy Hour and see if there are any ladies who weren't aware of that dream following adage. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Julie said...

Thanks for giving the question your undivided attention, I feel much better knowing your looking into these important matters for us. And hey, I like Sarah. Us women got to stick together.

garnett109 said...

Jimmy I know down in Florida they don't have them but up here in the north they migh use a snowmobile

Jimmy's Journal said...

Good answer John! We don't have any down here in Miami, but we have jets skis. Guess that wouldn't work up north, huh?


Claudia's thoughts said...

Do you remember the VW commercial from 30 years ago?? "In A Volkswagen" Black and White commercial with the VW Bug???

That's how the guy who drives the snowplow gets to work.

Heli gunner Tom said...

Hey Jimmy,
"When hell freezes over"...LOL? That's cool.
But, IMHO, SMART people take notes... Confucius say: 'Short pencil better than long memory.'
I like Sarah Palin, and in a few more years if she studies hard-- she will do what ever she sets her mind to, and much better than obama-goof, if we are not already bankrupt.

Tom S
Wisconsin is NOT afraid of snow...

Linda's World said...

No snow here...just 42 degrees and a light rain. However, we are just 10 degrees from snow...I'm with Julie ~ I like Sarah too. She has a lot to learn but she's like a breath of fresh air compared to what we're used to. I hope she stays that way. Hugs to PSH, Linda in eainy, gloomy Washington

Paula said...

Thank you for looking into the important questions in life for us. Gives me more time to play Word Whomp. Like the lettuce joke.

Senorita said...

Nice political cartoons !

I am so glad to be living in California. No snow, just rain, which us Californians cry about because we are wussies.

Martha's Menagerie said...

If it gets any flippin' colder in Florida we are going to all have to get those plows for our cars too! Ack, I've had enough of the cold!