Wednesday, February 3, 2010

It's Going To Be A Great Weekend - The Super Bowl And The Nascar Budweiser Shootout

The month of February is filled with several exciting sporting events and this weekend should be great. Nascar racing begins Saturday at Daytona International Speedway with the Daytona 500 qualifying at 1:00 pm and the Bud Shootout at 8:00 pm. Both events will be televised live on Fox Sports.

The Super Bowl is in Miami and with two excellent teams like the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints, the game should be spectacular. I look forward not only to the game itself, but to the various parties being held in local Miami watering holes. The commercials, an attraction in and of itself, are usually some of the most creative and funniest that you will see all year.

Nascar will come to the forefront again next week with the Twin 125 qualifying races on Thursday (Feb 11th), the Nationwide series race on Saturday (Feb 13) and the Daytona 500 on Sunday (Feb 14th).

The News As I See It: The Oscar nominations have been announced today and the Best Actor nominees include George Clooney for "Up in the Air," Jeremy Renner for "The Hurt Locker", and President Obama for the "State of the Union." In a related incident, on Groundhog Day, Punxsutawney Phil crawled out of his hole and predicted six more weeks of Oscars hype.

In New York City, no one really cares about Groundhog Day. They’ve got rats bigger than that. The New York Times announced that the Obama administration is planning huge changes to President Bush’s "No Child Left Behind" law. The new law will be called "Let’s Face It, Some Kids Are Just Duds."

Police in Indiana are searching for a man who robbed a tobacco store with a pair of scissors. They said the guy could be a real danger — unless you have a rock.

This Date In History: 1468; Johann Gutenberg, German printer and inventor, died. 1870; The 15th Amendment (black suffrage) passed. 1913; The 16th Amendment, establishing federal income tax, was ratified. 1917; The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany.

1959; Rock singers, Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and Big Bopper died in a plane crash. 1995; Col. Eileen Collins became the first woman to pilot the space shuttle when the Discovery blasted off. 1998; Texas executed Karla Faye Tucker, the first woman to be executed in the United States since 1984.

Picture Of The Day: It's and odds and ends pictorial today as I had several pictures that I liked and none of them really fit into a theme. One of the best shots I found was the touching picture of a lovely young couple getting married at the beach. It's a shame the photographer didn't notice the topless beauty in the background who happened to be strolling by.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. 2) Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 3) For sale: Parachute, only used once, never opened, small stain. 4) Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back! 5) Once we had George Bush, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.....and that's five !

Birthdays: Felix Mendelssohn, composer 1809, Horace Greeley, newspaper editor and founder 1811, Gertrude Stein, author 1874, Norman Rockwell, illustrator 1894, Alvar Aalto, architect and furniture designer 1898, James Michener, author 1907, Joey Bishop, comedian, actor 1918.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guys says, "Well, she is 27 years old, with blond hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?" The old guy says, "It doesn't matter.....let's just look for yours."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pals Nick and Robin for their contributions to today's stories.

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! Please pack my new blue silk panamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little strange but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, "Yes! Lot's of Walleye, some Bluegill, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk panamas like I asked you to do?" His wife says, "I did, they're in your tackle box."

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a Princess "Will you marry me?" She said "No." And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting and drank beer all day every day for the rest of his natural days. THE END.

That's it for today my little road runners. Remember, most committed men are found in the local mental institution. I'm going to mosey on over to AREA 51 for Happy Hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


garnett109 said...

yahoo its racing season

Rose said...

I wish I enjoyed sports more because TV will be no good for me this week! LOL

Lin said...

That wedding picture is forever engraved in my mind! Where is that beach so I can stay away? Thanks, Jimmy!

Paula said...

Topless beauty huh? Did you lose your glasses? lol

Senorita said...

Hahaha, that poor woman on her wedding day ! God forbid my tits hang that low when I get older. I bet she was raised against bras.

Woody said...

Another good entry, I'm pushing for the "Saint's" to make good at the Superbowl.

Linda's World said...

smiling here!

Linda in rainy & cold Washington

Coelha :B said...

Yes... Nascar starts---going to take my husband to his first Nascar race (his Xmas present) in Fontana this month! :) Where was that picture taken with the topless woman? I'm guessing-Spain?

Ally Lifewithally said...

Jimmy I just love your jokes ~ and enjoyed the rest of the read as well ~ Ally x

Missie said...

Oh no! Not the SuperBowl? This weekend? Really?

Hope your week has been a good one!