Congratulations are also in order for Nascar's Mark Martin, Dale Earnhardt Jr and Kevin Harvick. Martin and Earnhardt qualified first and second respectively for next Sunday's Daytona 500 and Harvick handily won the Budweiser Shootout at Daytona International Speedway on Saturday night. The News As I See It: Ford car and truck sales rose 25 percent in the past month. Ford says it's because of its new ad slogan, "Ford, because Toyota is trying to kill you." Have you heard the new Toyota slogan? It’s, "Toyota, just try and stop us."
President Obozo, for the second time since he became president, slammed Las Vegas by saying, "You don’t blow a bunch of cash in Vegas." The way the government is spending, I’d rather take the odds in Vegas. The "Obama Store" in Washington D.C. is closing. That’s where they sell T-shirts, hats, and calendars with O'Bummer's face on them. You can tell they’re Obie calendars, because they only go up to 2012.
Sarah Palin, just moments after giving a speech in which she mocked President Obama for using a Teleprompter, was seen answering questions with the help of her Handprompter. Evidently, she retained the handy little idea from her high school SAT exam days.
Osama bin Laden has a new tape. This time, he’s blaming the United States for global warming. Sounds to me like someone’s looking for a Nobel Prize. He’s very ecologically minded. Last year, it was documented by the CIA that bin Laden switched to a hybrid camel. This Date In History: 1587; Mary Queen of Scots was beheaded. 1693 College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Va., received its charter, becoming the second institution of higher learning in the United States. 1870; The National Weather Service was established under the U.S. Army Signal Corps. 1904; The Russo-Japanese war began when the Japanese launched a surprise attack on the Russian fleet at Port Arthur in northeast China. 1915; D. W. Griffith's controversial epic, The Birth of a Nation premiered in Los Angeles.
1924; The gas chamber was used for the first time as a method of execution in the United States. Gangster Gee Jon was put to death at the Nevada State Prison in Carson City. 1960; The payola (pay for broadcast airplay) hearings opened in the U.S. House of Representatives. Dick Clark would testify in April. 1980; President Jimmy Carter revealed his plan to reinstate selective service draft registration.
Picture Of The Day: It's the Super Bowl pictures, of course. Two good teams and I like them both, but I was happy to see the Saints win after all those years in the past when people called them the "Ain'ts" and wore paper bags over their heads. It's a good pick me up for New Orleans as well and hopefully a little boost for their recovery after Hurricane Katrina. Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I wonder how the guy who drives the snowplow gets to work in the morning? 2) I think that the reason that people send fruit baskets is they're afraid that, if they just mailed apples by themselves, the recipient would say, "Who in hell would mail me an apple?" 3) Why don't they make airplanes out of the same material they use to make that little indestructible black box? 4) When you're driving and looking for an address, why do you turn down the volume on the radio? 5) What do call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor!.....and that's five !
Birthdays: William Tecumseh Sherman, American General 1820, Jules Verne, novelist 1828, Kate Chopin, author 1851, Dame Edith Evans, actress 1888, Lana Turner, actress 1920, Jack Lemmon, actor 1925, James Dean, actor 1931 John Williams, composer, conductor 1932, Nick Nolte, actor 1940, John Grisham, novelist 1955. The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home, hoping she would have better care. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to lean sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to lean over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning.
Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. Her son said, "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you alright?" She replied. "It's pretty nice except they won't let me fart." The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to Brother Kirt and my pals Anne, Robin, Linda and Victor for their contributions to today's stories.
A blonde decided to dye her hair brown because she was sick of hearing blonde jokes. One day she was walking past the farm where a farmer was rounding up his sheep. The blonde said to the farmer, "If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock can I have one?" The farmer said, "Sure why not?"
After much thought the blonde said "46." The farmer "That's right! Which one would you like?" The blond pointed and said, "That one." The farmer paused and the said, "Ok, but I have another deal for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "No matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. Let's have a cup of coffee, then let's put all these Frosted Flakes back into the box."
That's it for today my little chocolate eclairs. Remember, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself....Oh, and snakes, spiders, clowns, dentists and the dark. More on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !