Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Be Careful What You Say, It May Come Back To Haunt You !

Call me crazy, but If I were Teamster's president Jimmy Hoffa Jr., the last thing that I would utter in public would be, "Let's take these S.O.B.'s out." Referring to the "Tea Party", Hoffa's recent speech in Detroit reminded me of his father, who "mysteriously" disappeared in 1975. Perhaps Hoffa Jr has forgotten that the phrase, "take someone out" has a different meaning for some organizations.

The Pennzoil Company currently has a tv commercial airing in which they use "funner" as a word. Now I don't profess to be an English major or an English expert, but I did graduate and I passed all of my English exams. "Funner" is not a word. Every time I hear this commercial, I cringe, thinking that the advertising "executives" of this large company must be morons.

The News As I See It: Congresswoman Maxine Waters recently stated that she wants Obama to spend "a trillion dollars or more" on creating new jobs. I don't know about the amount, but any new spending should contain monies to buy Crazy Maxine a more decent, believable wig.

The NFL football game will be on Thursday night, right after the season finale of President Obama.

The Post Office could go out of business this winter. On the bright side, the Post Office won’t receive the report in the mail for another two years.

In the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news is that gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there.

A Southwest Airlines passenger was arrested yesterday after he refused to turn off his cell phone during landing. He was taken from a Southwest flight to jail or as most people would call that, "an upgrade."

New statistics show the U.S. economy added zero (0) jobs in August. The White House cautioned Americans not to read too much into those numbers. What numbers?

A man from Illinois discovered $150,000 in his garden. I wonder if Obama knows that there's a man from Illinois who actually grew the economy.

This Date In History: 1822; Brazil declared its independence from Portugal. 1901; The Boxer Rebellion in China officially ended with the signing of the Peking Protocol (Peace of Beijing). 1940; Nazi Germany began its initial blitz on London during World War II.

1979; The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network (ESPN) made its debut on cable TV. 1986; Desmond Tutu became the first black to lead the Anglican Church in southern Africa.

Picture Of The Day: Sometimes it's a dog's world but there's a message to my madness.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end. 2) Am I the only one that, in a fit of anger, aimed the remote control at my spouse in the hopes that she would effectively be replaced in the same way I changed the tv channel? 3) The average man walks about 900 miles a year. A recent study found found that men drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year. The way I figure it is, the average man gets about 41 miles per gallon.

4) In a recent survey, men agreed that they would be more inclined to be with their wives in the delivery room if it had a bar. In a subsequent survey, women agreed that during childbirth, they'd like their husbands to be laying beside them having their back and bikini areas waxed. 5) Prostitution is the only business where you can go into the hole and still come out ahead.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Virgo - September 7th: Don't let the persistent rain bother you. Cartoons will flavor the day for you today, giving you ideas and humor. Your vision won't fail so long as you avoid sticking forks into your eyes. Romance chances are pretty much fifty-fifty, but then again, that's what the weatherman said and look what's happening as we speak. That Indian food you had recently may kick in this afternoon, so road trips area no-no.

Birthdays: My pal Regi - Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Elizabeth I, queen of England (1558–1603) 1522, Grandma Moses, painter 1860, Elinor Wylie, poet and novelist 1885, Edith Sitwell, poet and critic 1887, Taylor Caldwell, novelist 1900, Elia Kazan, director, writer, actor 1909, Peter Lawford, actor 1923, Buddy Holly, singer 1936.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims contracted it in 2008 after having been getting screwed for the previous years. Symptoms include delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor and inability to govern or accept responsibility for actions.

The disease can be treated with a new drug called Votemout (pronounced "vote-him-out"). Some people began taking this new drug in 2010 and it is advised the majority of the public should take the drug as soon as possible.

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in a used car lot. The car lot is closed, so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?" One of the ladies, "Certainly not! We purchased the car this afternoon."

The cop says, "Why don't you start it up and drive out of here?" The other old lady says, "We don't drive and besides we are waiting." The cop asks, "What are you waiting for?" The old lady sitting in the drivers seat replies," We were told that if we ever bought a car from here we would get screwed."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

Into an Irish pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling,his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he is walking with a limp. Sean the bartender asks, "What happened to you? Paddy says, "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight."

The bartender says, "That little shit, O'Conner? He couldn't do that to you, he must of had something in his hand." Paddys says, "That he did. A shovel is what he had and a terrible licken he gave me with it."

Sean the bartender says, "Well, you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" Paddy says, "That I did.....Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.

As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups. He looks at him for a minute, then nudges him in the ribs and says, "Hey Buddy, I think your girl friend has gone home."

That's it for today my little piglets. Remember, women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Hump day! AREA 51 !.....happy hour?.....maybe..... More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Again I must agree about Maxine's wig. maybe it is funner. heck I don't know.
But I threw my green tea thru my nose when I read the caption, "Can you hear me now!"

But honest, being beaten by a shovel, I would release even a delightful thing!@!!

Thanks for my evening entertainment, it is so nice to find a Politically correct Blog on the net, they are getting harder and harder to find. (And pick up)

Rose said...

Hey, Jack, glad to hear you are drinking Green Tea, as for me, I'm part taking of the grapes! LOL

Jimmy, your blog always has me in stitches. I try not to have a mouthful of beverage when reading it. LOL

Hugs, Rose

garnett109 said...

shit has a clean end Jimmy? Lmao!