Monday, September 26, 2011


Congratulations to Herman Cain for his overwhelming win in the Florida straw vote. Hopefully, this sends a message to Rick Perry and the other republican candidates as to Florida's position on illegal immigration. It would be very interesting and amusing to see Cain versus Obama in 2012.

For one, it would eliminate a blind 97 percent black vote for either candidate. Secondly, it would pit a succesful business man against a man who has never really had a job. Most of all, it would boil down to who has a better chance to lead America for the next four years. Basketball politics at its best.

The News As I See It: Pakistan warned the United States to stop the rhetoric against their country or "they will lose an ally." Pakistan could become an enemy harboring terrorists — as opposed to an ally harboring terrorists.

Someones mashed the windows in Obama's L.A. campaign office. Joe O'Biden said it was likely the work of vandals and definitely not someone who forgot their key and had to go to the bathroom.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a new memoir that will focus on his career as a body builder, action star, and politician. It will be available in hardcover, paperback and a book on tape that's impossible to understand. You can find it in that section at Barnes & Noble marked "Trying to Change the Subject."

There was a Republican debate last week in Orlando, Florida. This one was sponsored by Google, which was tricky for Rick Perry because he's a yahoo.

The season premiere of "Glee" was last Tuesday. Viewership dropped this year by 35 percent. Apparently a large number of "Glee" viewers were offended by the episode's controversial male-female kiss.

Michelle Obama will appear on the season premiere of "Extreme Home Makeover" on Sunday. The good news is, she’ll be refurbishing a house for a new family to move into. The bad news is, it’s the White House.

NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station and just like New York taxis, they’re all going to be driven by aliens.

Southwest Airlines said someone painted Arabic symbols on the sides of the airplanes, but they claim it's not a safety concern. Really? Some nut job is close enough to the plane to paint an Arabic symbol on it. Shouldn't that be a Red flag?

This Date In History: 1789; Thomas Jefferson was appointed America's first Secretary of State. 1820; Frontiersman, Daniel Boone, died in Missouri. 1914; The Federal Trade Commission was established. 1950; United Nations troops recaptured Seoul, the capital of South Korea, from the North Koreans.

1960; Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took part in the first televised presidential debate. 1986; William H. Rehnquist was sworn as the 16th chief justice of the Supreme Court.

Picture Of The Day: Eclectic is the only word I can use for todays' pictures. They amuse me and I hope you enjoy them, as well.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Sometimes I get really lonely, especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee. I wish I had a boomerang. 2) I'm fine with the new version of "Charley's Angels." I think it's perfectly acceptable to recycle old crap on TV. 3) I can't wait to finish today's post, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next! 4) I like baked potatoes. I don't have a microwave oven and it takes forever to bake a potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in the oven, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows? 5) When I go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except the last time, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Libra - September 26th: Don't start the week off on the wrong foot. On the bright side, you survived that weekend party without problems except for that minor incident where you wore the lampshade as a hat. Be frugal this week. The chance of romance is 10 percent and will remain there until the lampshade marks on your forehead go away.

Birthdays: John Chapman, American pioneer, more familiarly known as Johnny Appleseed 1774, Ivan Pavlov, experimental psychologist 1849, T. S. Eliot, poet 1888, Martin Heidegger, philosopher 1889, George Gershwin, composer 1898, Christine Todd Whitman, public official 1946, Olivia Newton-John, singer 1948, Serena Williams, tennis player 1981.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill:

An man goes to his psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"

The doctor replied, "Relax, take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

Three old friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

Art said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Tom commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."

Murray remained silent and both friends turned and looked at him. Murray smiled and said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Frances for her contribution to today's stories.

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of the story."

The pharmacist continued, "This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."

The pharmacist said, "When I got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I started waiting on these people and all the time the damned phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels."

He continued, "When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with bunch of perfume bottles on it. All of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up and I finally got to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer and, honestly sir, all I did was tell her!"

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. He observed, "You all have obsessions." To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy. He turned to the second Mom, Ann, and said, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce, and said, "Your obsession is with alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Denise, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

A woman called her doctor and said frantically, "Doctor, my child has swallowed a magnet!" The doctor said, "Don't panic, the magnet should pass through his system soon." The woman asked, "How will I be sure?" The doctor said, "Stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."

That's it for today my little hypochondriacs. Remember, people think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. They forget the negative side, which is the preening. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

You coulda told where larry's Bar is!!!!!!

Thanks for the fun read again tonight, I am getting back in the swing. I even beat Sherry here again tonight.

Take care from this end of the Turnpike.

Rose said...

Hey, Jack, did you meet up with Sully without inviting me? LOL

I don't do I-95 so I would have been there way too late to meet up!


Woody said...

Another good entry worth reading...

Anonymous said...

The cat shot is great. I think Bush aged pretty well actually.