Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Facts? I Don't Need To Use No Stinkin' Facts

On Monday, Obama said, "Middle-class families shouldn’t pay higher taxes than millionaires and billionaires." According to private and government data, the wealthiest people in America pay a lot more taxes than the middle class or the poor. They pay at a higher rate and as a group, they contribute a much larger share of the overall taxes collected by the federal government.

There may be individual millionaires who pay taxes at rates lower than middle-income workers. In 2009, 1,470 households filed tax returns with incomes above $1 million yet paid no federal income tax, according to the Internal Revenue Service. That, however, was less than 1 percent of the nearly 237,000 returns with incomes above $1 million.

This year, households making more than $1 million will pay an average of 29.1 percent of their income in federal taxes, including income taxes and payroll taxes, according to the Tax Policy Center, a Washington think tank. Households making between $50,000 and $75,000 will pay 15 percent of their income in federal taxes.

Lower-income households will pay less. Households making between $40,000 and $50,000 will pay an average of 12.5 percent of their income in federal taxes. Households making between $20,000 and $30,000 will pay 5.7 percent.

The latest IRS data is a few years older – and it’s limited to federal income taxes – but it shows much the same thing. In 2009, taxpayers who made $1 million or more paid on average 24.4 percent of their income in federal income taxes, according to the IRS. Those making $100,000 to $125,000 paid on average 9.9 percent in federal income taxes. Those making $50,000 to $60,000 paid an average of 6.3 percent.

The Tax Policy Center estimates that 46 percent of households, mostly low and medium income households, will pay no federal income taxes this year. So much for Obama's ability to do the math, or for that matter, run the country.

The News As I See It: A satellite is now headed toward earth and the people at NASA have no idea where it will land. How would they know? It’s not like they’re rocket scientists. I'll have more information on Friday assuming the satellite misses Miami.

Obama is speaking to the General Assembly at the United Nations and he’s urging the delegates to fight global warming, reduce poverty and find out what the heck is happening at Netflix. Some critics say Obama should be focusing on jobs instead of addressing the UN. But I think it’s important for Obama to talk to the other countries — because they’re the ones that have all of our jobs.

Astronomers have discovered a planet that has two suns. That solar company Solyndra went bankrupt on that planet too.

Twenty-two people were awarded the MacArthur Genius grant. Among the geniuses were a scientist, an educator and a guy that got out of the stock market three years ago.

Part of Obama's plan to reduce the deficit includes one trillion dollars that will saved by bringing troops home from Iraq and Afghanistan. Wrong! Guess what Obie? Those cuts have already been counted and can't be considered in your reduction plan. It was going to happen with or without you anyway.

The U.S. military's controversial "don't ask, don't tell policy was officially retired. This marks a new age of tolerance, acceptance and awkward showering for everyone in the military. I think this will have an effect on our enemies. Be warned, evil doers. First, we will defeat you, then we will redecorate your entire country. Later this week, the Air Force begins Operation "It’s Raining Men."

There’s a new 24-hour hotline for illegal immigrants who have questions about deportation. The number is really easy to remember. It’s 1-800-A-TRAP.

Obama says his new jobs bill will create over 1.9 million jobs — and up to 50 of them will be right here in America.

This Date In History: 1792; The French National Convention voted to abolish the monarchy. 1897; The New York Sun published its famous editorial, "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." 1937; The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkein was first published. 1938; A hurricane struck New York and New England with extensive damage and more than 600 deaths.

1949; The People's Republic of China was proclaimed. 1964; Malta gained its independence from Great Britain. 1981; Belize gained its independence from Great Britain. 1996; John F. Kennedy, Jr., married Carolyn Bessette.

Picture Of The Day: Today's theme is simply entitled "before and after". I'll leave it to you, my observant little munchkins, to decipher the rest.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) "Dancing With the Stars" is back and thank God, because I haven’t seen a decent Viennese waltz in months. 2) I think that breast implants should come with squeaky toys inside. 3) People who plead the fifth amendment are usually guilty. No offense, Solyndra, I'm just saying..... 4) Chaz Bono was spotted shirtless on the set of "Dancing With the Stars." There were no survivors. 5) A woman gave birth on an airplane. The airline said that the woman and her new $40 carry-on are doing just fine.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Virgo - September 21st: It should be a pretty good day for you but I'd keep an eye out for that aging satellite that's due to hit earth around Friday. Speaking of aging satellites, your mother-in-law may pop in on Friday, as well. With a little luck, maybe that satellite could hit....., never mind. Wear your good cologne tonight, you may get lucky.

Birthdays: Heike Kamerlingh Onnes, physicist 1853, Herbert George Wells (H.G. Wells), English author 1866, Henry Lewis Stimson, statesman 1867, Larry Hagman, actor 1931, Stephen King, author 1947, Bill Murray, actor, screenwriter, comedian 1950.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An old man was walking in the street when he heard a voice say, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

The old man asked, "Where are you? Who are you?" The voice answered, "I am your guardian angel." The man replied, "Yeah? And where the hell were you when I got married?"

An older couple (he a widower, she a widow) meet in a retirement village. They seem to hit it off. They share each other's values, enjoy the same joke and find pleasure in each other's company. After a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. She appears hesitant and decides to probe her soon-to-be a little.

The old woman says, "Perhaps I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, but how's your health?" The old man says, "It's OK. I'm not getting any younger, but I don't have any major health problems. I can still enjoy life".

The old woman continues, "Well, I don't want to be a snoop, but I've got to protect myself. How are you fixed financially?" The old man answers, "So-so. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable. You don't have to worry about me sponging off you. I can support myself."

The little old lady blushes, and finally asks her swain, "And how's your sex life...." The old man says, "Infrequently." The widow ponders this for a moment, then asks, "And is that one word or two?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

Little Ahmed, a Pakistani child entered his classroom on the first day of school. The teacher asked, "What is your name?" The little kid replied, "Ahmed ." The teacher said, "You are in America now. From now on your name will be Johnny."

That evening, little Ahmed returned home. His mother asked, "How was your day, Ahmed?" The little boy answered, "My name is not Ahmed. I'm in America and now my name is Johnny."

His mother said "Ahmed, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" - and she beat him. Then she called his father and he too beat him.

The next day, little Ahmed returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked, "Johnny, what happened to you?" The little boys replied, "I can see now why everyone complains about terrorism. Four hours after I became an American, I was attacked by two Pakistanis."

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?" Little Johnny replied, "I'm in love." Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" Little Johnny said, "With you!" he said.

The teacher smiled and gently said, "But Johnny, don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday, but I don't want a child." Little Johnny said reassuringly, "Don't worry, I'll use a condom!"

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly, "Mommy, Mommy, I was at the playground and Daddy....."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story. So Johnny tells her, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat and then Daddy....."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing and laying down on the seat. Then Little Johnny says, ".....then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

That's it for today my little tumble weeds. Remember, if you don't go out on the limb, how are you going to get the good apple? It's hump day and a great reason to head over to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Fast way to make apple pie and french fries.

Heli gunner Tom said...

After studying Finance and passing my Securities Fed Exam, I firmly believe that the IRS is totally crooked and evil !!

Tom S

Julie said...

I think $200,000 a year doesn't even sound like much money anymore but they are now considered the rich and will have higher taxes. That tics me off as my favorite restaurant is talking about closing now. This bill will kill the small business in the country. Which I believe is his plan.

Rick though the squeaky toys sounded great, LOL.