R E M E M B E R

Sunday marks the tenth anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. For ten years, the annual commemoration has been seen as a day of national unity and sober remembrance. As usual, and especially this year, there are already credible threats of terrorists attacks.

I'm particularly tired of hearing about terrorist rhetoric and threats. If it were me, every time I received any sort of threat from any terrorist organization, I would immediately announce to the world that there would ten indiscriminate drone attacks in the country of origin. It may not stop the terrorist, but I'd feel a lot better. But, that's just me.

God bless the victims of the September 11th attacks and God bless America!

The News As I See It: Last night was Obama’s jobs speech and the NFL season opener. Which explains why Biden got confused and dumped Gatorade on Obama. Da Prez plans to create thousands of new jobs by replacing all automobile GPS systems with real people who sit in the back seat with a map.

Obama's speech was translated into Indian, Spanish and Chinese so that the people who have our jobs could understand.

Republicans actually decided not to give a rebuttal to President Obama’s jobs speech last night. I guess they figured there’s already a rebuttal to his jobs speech.....No jobs.

Rick Perry and Mitt Romney squared off at the Republican debate. The only thing they agreed on was shampoo, rinse, and repeat. People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people....and that was just while he was on vacation in Florida.

The oil industry says that if they are allowed to drill more, they can create a million jobs. Of course, most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off of ducks.

A new study found that children born in March are more likely to become pilots, while children that are supposed to be born in March but keep delaying their arrival become Delta pilots.

This Date In History: 1776; The Second Continental Congress changed the name of the nation to the United States of America, from the United Colonies. 1850; California became the 31st state.

1893; President Grover Cleveland's daughter, Esther Cleveland, became the first president's child to be born in the White House. 1926; The National Broadcasting Company (NBC) was created by the Radio Corporation of America.

1948; The People's Democratic Republic of Korea (North Korea) was created. 1956; Elvis Presley appeared on television for the first time on The Ed Sullivan Show. 1976; Communist Chinese leader Mao Zedong died in Beijing at age 82.

Picture Of The Day: No explanation necessary.....

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? 2) I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. 3) Everyone has a photographic memory, it's just that some don't have film. 4) Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once. 5) In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Virgo - September 9th: Don't be discourged with recent politics and speeches. There's more important things to worry about this weekend if you know what I mean. Buy those shoes you were thinking about. While you're at it, buy some odor eaters for the shoes, as well. There have been too many dogs following you around. Romance odds are 70-30 provided you buy those odor eaters. If not, plan on renting a movie.

Birthdays: Luigi Galvani, physician 1737, William Bligh,British admiral 1743, Joseph Leidy, scientist 1823, Otis Redding, singer, songwriter 1941, Michael Keaton, actor 1951, Hugh Grant, actor 1960, Adam Sandler, comedian, musician, actor 1966.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A preacher was giving his usual Sunday sermon when a young woman in the balcony, taken up by the moment, slipped and fell over the rail. Fortunately, she managed to grasp the railing with one hand and dangerously dangled there. Unfortunately, the mini skirt she was wearing rode up to her waist, entirely exposing the front of her young body.

The preacher, heavily involved in the final throes of his sermon, saw the young woman with everything exposed, dangling by one hand. He was concerned and worried that the spectacle not only might effect his sermon, but also the money that the church would make when they passed the collection plates.

The preacher quickly motioned to his deacon to go up and rescue the girl and nervously hurried to finish his sermon and start the collections. He saw that some of the males in the congregation had noticed the commotion and were feasting their eyes on the spectacle.

Fearful that this would ruin everything, he exclaimed, "We have a minor emergency which shall be rectified shortly. Sister Jones has slipped from the balcony and his hanging there by one hand. Her private parts are exposed and if any member of the congregation turns around to look at poor sister Jones, The lord will make them go blind."

An old man in the front pew of the church stood up, put his hand over his left eye and exclaimed, "I'm gonna take a chance on one eye!"

An older lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store to get some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says, "I'm not using it under my arms." The druggist says, "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer." The druggist says, "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Frances for her contribution to today's stories.

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and *poof* she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof* she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed and asks, "Who?" The nun replies, "Sara Pipalini." St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and Says. "No sister, you read it wrong. The paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat", agreed to look after her neighbors' male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage. She was unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next. Although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. She explained the problem to the vet.

The vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw." She asked, "Do you think that will work?" The vet replied, "It just worked for me!"

I saw a billboard for the lottery. It said, "Estimated lottery jackpot 55 million dollars." I did not know that the lottery was estimated. That would suck if you won and they said, "Oh, we were off by two zeroes. We estimate that you are pissed off."

That's it for today my little prairie puppies. Remember, if you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out. AREA 51 sounds like a plan! Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !