Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What A Day For A Daydream

I enjoy the antics of animals and fortunately, there are always quite a few pictures and videos on the internet. Sometimes I think that the animals are in collusion and only perfrom their zany antics to difer everyone's attention from many of life's real dilemas.

Presidential re- election ploy number 743 - "The Victim": - In an interview on Monday with ABC's George Stephanopoulous, Obama said, "I am absolutely the underdog in the 2012 election. I'm used to being the underdog." Well, buck up, prez! Tote that barge, lift that bale...... Noooobody knows the trouble I've seen.....

The News As I See It: According to a Twitter study, people are happiest on the weekends and when their workday is over. Yeah, they also discovered that if you stand in front of a moving train, it will kill you.

Congratulations to the Obamas, who recently celebrated their 19th wedding anniversary. They were going to go out to dinner, but they couldn’t find a sitter for O'Biden. Actually, Obama did take Michelle out to a lovely dinner on Saturday. They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said "yes" to an Obama proposal. It was a little awkward, though. When the bill came, Obama just put it on the tab of the Chinese couple sitting next to them.

Amanda Knox was thankfully set free by an Italian jury. I'm guessing that after having the cast of "Jersey Shore" over there, they didn’t think Amanda was so bad.

Terrorist Anwar al-Awlaki, who was killed by Special Forces last week, was American-born and was a top recruiter for al-Qaida. You don’t often see an American taking a foreigner’s job. Al-Awaki was the editor of al-Qaida’s magazine, so your delivery may be a little late this month. Before this guy worked for al-Qaida’s magazine, he worked for "Carbomb and Driver."

Citibank will soon charge $15 a month for checking accounts with less than $6,000. Finally, someone’s sticking it to those people with less than $6,000!

It’s the third week of the Wall Street protests and they’ve closed down an entire Manhattan street. More than 700 protestors were arrested over the weekend for blocking traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. They say the best way to fight corporate greed is to make random people sit in traffic while they’re trying to visit their aunt in Brooklyn.

This Date In History: 1877; Chief Joseph surrendered to the U.S. Army.
1910; King Manuel II was overnthrown in a revolution and Portugal became a republic. 1921; The World Series was broadcast on the radio for the first time.

1947; In the first televised White House address, President Truman urged Americans to refrain from eating meat on Tuesdays and poultry on Sundays to help starving people in other countries. 1953; Earl Warren was sworn in as the 14th Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court.

1962; The Beatles released their first hit, "Love Me Do," in Britain. 1990; Cincinnati's Contemporary Arts Center and its director were acquitted of obscenity charges resulting from an exhibit of Robert Mapplethorpe's photographs.

2001; Barry Bonds broke Mark McGwire's record of 71 home runs in one season when he hit his 71st and 72nd homers.

Picture Of The Day: It's animal day at Jimmy's Journal, giving a brief break to the continual foot-in-mouth moves by politicians and other people, which in turn warrant and motivate photoshop artists to tee off.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) My friend from Georgia read the opening line of a monologue from William Shakespeare's play, Hamlet, where Hamlet says, "To be or not to be? That is the question." My friend said, "Sully, what the hell is he talking about?" Being fluent in Southern speak, I said, "He says he doesn't know whether to shit or go blind." 2) I appreciated the full effect of America's horrible economy when I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?" 3) When I was a kid, I suffered from depression. My teacher suggested that my father take me to the zoo. He did, but I found my way home. 4) Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. 5) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Virgo - October 5th: The weather may play a role in your day so dress accordingly. It is also important to keep in mind that you had baked beans with dinner last night. Do you see where I'm going? If it's rainy and you happen to be sharing an umbrella when the baked beans kick in.....well, you get the idea. Your lucky bus number is 212. It may also work on the daily lottery but don't count on it. Never trust a naked bus driver.

Birthdays: My sweet friend Karen - Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Jonathan Edwards theologian 1703, Francesco Guardi, landscape and architectural painter 1712, Denis Diderot, encyclopedist 1713, Chester A. Arthur, 21st president of the United States 1830, Louis LumiƩre, inventor 1864.

Raymond A. Kroc, founder of McDonalds 1902, Vaclav Havel, political leader, dramatist, poet 1936, Bob Geldof, rock musician 1951, Maya Lin, architect and artist 1959, Mario Lemieux, hockey player 1965, Kate Winslet, actress 1975.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: An older woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" The woman said, "Actually, yes, I do." The doctor asked, ''Does it hurt you?" The old woman answered, "No, I rather like it."

The doctor continued, "Well, then there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified and said, "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The doctor replied, "Of course, where do you think people like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid come from."

A young reporter was interviewing a woman who had just reached her hundredth birthday. He asked, "To what do you attribute your remarkable good health?" She answered, thoughtfully, "I've always eatern moderately and worked hard. I don't smoke or drink and I keep good hours." The reporter asked, "Have you ever been bedridden?" The elderly lady replied, "Sure, but I'd appreciate it if you don't put that in your newspaper."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Victor for his contribution to today's stories.

A new TV game show in Hollywood had many contestants who were beautiful, but they weren't necessarily too smart. On one show, one such woman was extremely nervous, but tried to make the best of her performance. The host asked, "Who was the first man, for one thousand dollars?" She responded, "The first man was Peter, my postman, but he only paid me one hundred dollars!"

Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers, "Been on holiday yet, lads?" John says, "Off to England next month. We go to England every year, hire a car and drive for miles.

The bartender says, "Ah, England, wonderful country. The history, the beer, the culture...." John says, "Nah, we don't like any of that British crap. Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us." The bartender asks, "So why keep going to England?" John says, "It's the only chance that Jim gets to drive."

A man is shipwrecked on a deserted island for ten long years. One day he sees a ship on the horizon and starts waving his arms until the ship heads for the shore. The captain of the ship and the man began talking. "I thought I'd never get rescued." The captain asks, "How long have you been here?" The man replies, "Ten years."

The captain says, "How have you coped with all that time alone?" The man answers, "Well I'm a very resourceful fellow. I built a house, learned to hunt and fish." The captain exclaimed, "But ten years without sex?" The man replied, "Not completely. About six months ago I was down here on the shore when I noticed an ostrich with it's head in the sand. I crept up behind it and....."

The captain said, "Oh. you poor man, that must have been horrible." The man replied, "Well, it was fine for the first five miles, but then we got out of step."

That's it for today my little cotton pickers. Remember, a TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. It's hump day and I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !

1 comment:

jack69 said...

So I read #4 to Sherry as she got up to go to bed tonight:
4) Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

That come from Jimmy? Yeah!
"What does he know?"

He sure wishes happy birthday to a lot o lady names!"

Thanks Jimmy, *I know you tried!