Monday, October 3, 2011

When In Doubt - Protest !

I fully support the right to protest and I was totally against the Wall Street bailouts, but there should be a requirement for protesters to show some semblance of intelligence. The media attention evokes the mating call of the Green-Capped Michiganian Warbler, Michael Moore, whose appearance along with fellow idiot Susan Sarandon, only reinforce my opinions. The only one missing is (Pseudo-Revererend) Al "Have Podium, Will Travel" Sharpton.

After watching some the interviews and responses from some of the "Wall Street Protesters", I'm inclined to think that some of the protesters have the I.Q. of a chimpanzee. The interviews remind me of Jay Leno's "Jaywalking" interviews where it appears that some of the street people's priorities were not directed toward paying attention in school.

But let me not be the one to lead you conclusions. I introduce to you, one "Steven Colbert", host of the "Colbert Report" to give his own views of the Wall Street protests. (Please have patience with the obligatory thirty second commercial. Remember to mute my music playlist located on the left sidebar).

On a side note, let me apologize in advance for one of today's jokes. It made me laugh and I hope it amuses you as well. You'll know which one it is the moment you read it.....

The News As I See It: A 6th grade student from Springfield, New Jersey, who asked Gov. Chris Christie for campaign advice, wound up losing his election for student council. Worse still, he asked President Obama for economic advice and he now owes his school $14 trillion.

Mitt Romney speaks French and John Huntsman speaks Chinese. This is America, they need to speak Spanish. When Michele Bachmann heard they were bilingual, she said it’s OK, as long as they don’t get married.

Florida announced that they are moving their presidential primary to January, and it will be the first in the nation. If there’s one state that is known for organized, reliable voting, it's Florida.

Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old. In addition to seven dwarfs, Snow White now has 25 cats.

This Date In History: 1226; St. Francis of Assisi, founder of the Franciscan order, died. 1863; President Lincoln declared the last Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day. 1922; Rebecca L. Felton became the first woman U.S. Senator when she was appointed to serve out the term of Senator Thomas E. Watson.

1929; The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats, and Slovenes formally changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. 1955; Captain Kangaroo and The Mickey Mouse Club premiered on television. 1974; Frank Robinson was named the first black manager in major league baseball. 1990; East Germany and West Germany united to become Germany, 45 years after being split into two countries at the end of World War II.

Picture Of The Day: Methinks thou dost protest too much!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. 2) I got up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." 3) When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child.....eventually. 4) Did you ever wonder why Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? 5) Animal testing is futile! The animals always get nervous and give the wrong answers.....and that's five !

Today's Birthday Horoscope: Virgo - October 3rd: It's gonna be a good day for you today my little woodchuck. Fall has arrived and that money you've been waiting on will follow shortly. The chance of romance is twenty percent but that won't really be a problem because you're going to be busy anyway.

Birthdays: John Ross, Native American chief 1790, Pierre Bonnard, painter and illustrator 1867, Thomas Wolfe, American novelist 1900, James Herriot, writer 1916, Gore Vidal, writer 1925, Dave Winfield, baseball player 1951, Al Sharpton, Jr., activist, trouble maker and all around asshole 1954, Stevie Ray Vaughan, blues musician 1954, Tommy Lee, rock musician 1962, Clive Owen, actor 1964, Gwen Stefani, singer 1969, Neve Campbell, actress 1973.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A busy farmer needed some help with tending to the animals. His mother-in-law offered to spend some time on his farm and being as busy as he was, the farmer had no choice but to accept her offer. A few days later, the farmer's mother-in-law was killed when his mule kicked her.

Thousands of people from town who had heard about the death came to the poor lady's funeral, many that the farmer didn't even know. A minister noticed this, came up to the farmer, and asked him, "Why are there so many people here?" The farmer answered, "Oh, they're not here for the funeral. They want to buy the mule."

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father what they are. The dad replies, "Well son, those are condoms and they're for protection when you're having sex." The son then picks up one of the packs and asks why it has three in it. The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

The son then picks up one with six condoms and asks, "Why six?" The dad replies, "Well son, those are for college men. Two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday." The son then notices the 12 pack of condoms and asks the same question. The dad replies, "Son, those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March...."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: Two robins were sitting in a tree when the first one said, "I'm really hungry, let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more. The first one said, "I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree. The second robin said, "Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun."

So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat came up and gobbled them up. As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I just love Baskin Robins."

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The shop owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay,I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away the counter-tops cleaned the appliances sparkling the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed the furniture cleaned and dusted the pillows on the sofa plumped, plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes centipede. 20 minutes centipede. 30 minutes centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. The centipede should have been back in a couple of minutes. 45 minutes later...still no centipede!

He can't imagine what could have happened. Did the centipede run away? Did it get run over by a car? Where is that centipede? So he goes to the front door, opens it and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!"

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students and says, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter." A little girl raises her hand and volunteered, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered." The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

The little girl began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!" The teacher said, :That must've been scary." The little girl said, "It sure was! My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...and before he could say 'F*ck', the Rottweiler ate him!"

That's it for today my little tweety birds. Remember, the zoo is a place for animals to study the behaviour of human beings. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

I am glad you were able to explain, with the help of TV, the intelligence of the protestors. I am surprised, that they didn't stutter. (Or did they I couldn't tell!) Shoulda been a Rottweiler around.

Thanks for the entertainment, I was sure the six pack was for the married guy, January, March etc.

Love ya Jimmy You had better head for area%! or AREA51.

garnett109 said...

shh shh shit!

Paula said...

Awww I like the centipede joke.

Julie said...

They really did sound like robots, dumb robots, LOL. Wonder how much they got paid for that.