Monday, February 27, 2012

Daytona - The Nascar 2012 Season Begins

Assuming the rain gods will cooperate, the Daytona 500 will get the green flag in a little less than fifteen minutes. Delayed and postponed, waiting for this race has been like sitting in the doctor's waiting room for the last two days. If tonight's race is anything like the Truck and Nationwide races on Friday and Saturday, it should be a dilly.

Carl Edwards has the pole position with Greg Biffle on the outside pole, but and it's a fast and healthy field including Danica Patrick in her Sprint Cup debut. Hold on to your hats folks, this one's going to be wild!

On a side note, I had some Haagen Daz ice cream this afternoon and for the first time in years, I got brain freeze. I had almost forgotten the sudden onrush of unbelievable pain. The only thing that was missing was to hit my knee on the coffee table to complete the daily double. My cat, Shithead, seemed to enjoy my plight as the amount of ice cream I leave in the bowl for him was more than usual. If he got brain freeze as well is as yet, unknown.

The News As I See It: Sunday's Academy Awards was that magical night where everyone sat around in tee shirts, sweatpants and old shorts, criticizing the way famous women are dressed. The show reminded me of a Jet Blue flight. It just sat there waiting to take off. I did enjoy Cirque Du Soleil act, though. I was also pleased to see Merryl Streep finally win again.

Obama finally addressed rising gas prices. He focused on the positive things his administration has done when it comes to energy prices. In other words, it was the shortest speech he's ever given. He's starting to get a little overconfident, though. In an interview with Univision radio, he said, "My presidency isn't over yet, and I've still got five more years." Even his predictions are over budget.

With gas prices soaring, we're going to be seeing more hybrid cars. The Prius is known as a hybrid because it can run on either electricity or the smugness of the owner. I don't know, it's hard to look cool at a stoplight when you step on the gas and your car whines like a Lady Shick electric razor.

Lindsay Lohan is making a remake of an old equestrian movie with Elizabeth Taylor called "National Velvet." I think it's a trick. She just wants to get her hands on some horse tranquilizers.

This Date In History: 1844; Dominican Republic gained independence from Haiti. 1933; German Reichstag building in Berlin was destroyed by fire. 1951; The 22nd Amendment to the Constitution was ratified, limiting the President to two terms.

1973; Members of the American Indian Movement occupied the village of Wounded Knee, S.D. 1991; Kuwait was liberated in the Gulf War. 2003; Fred Rogers, of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, died.

Picture Of The Day: The Volt - Another great idea from the toilet.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) You know you're getting older when you're afraid to cough in an elevator because you're unsure of which end it will come out. 2) The evening news is where they begin with "Good evening" and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. 3) Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 4) The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. 5) You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Pisces - February 27th: Today will start slow, but most Mondays do anyway, so no worries. Cloudy skies will clear and the stars will come out. The moon, like a testicle, hangs low. Signs point toward a great evening and the chance of romance is 72.37 percent.

Birthdays: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, poet 1807, Alice Hamilton, physician, reformer 1869, Hugo Black, Supreme Court Justice 1886, Marian Anderson, contralto 1897, John Steinbeck, American writer 1902, Ariel Sharon, general and politician 1928, Elizabeth Taylor, actress 1932, Ralph Nader, consumer advocate 1934.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A guy is sitting alone in a bar nursing his drink. The bartender is at the other end of the bar cleaning a glass. The guy suddenly hears a little whisper of a voice that says, "Nice hat." He looks around but he’s the only one nearby. He thinks nothing of it and keeps drinking.

A few minutes later he hears this same voice, "Nice shirt." Now he’s getting a little paranoid because there’s still no one else in the bar. He calls the bartender over and orders another drink. Several minutes later he hears the voice say, "Nice tie." He just about loses it.

He calls the bartender over and says, "Man, I'm going crazy! I keep hearing voices!" The bartender asks, "What are they saying?" The guys says, "Nice hat, nice shirt, nice tie." The bartender says, "Ah, it’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary."

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know, that's from your grandma."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says, "Yes! How did you figure that out?" She replied, "Easy, you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?" She says, "Didn't feel a thing!"

Two male friends are out golfing one Saturday afternoon. After finishing one hole, they wait for the two women who are ahead of them at the next hole to finish. They wait a few minutes, but soon get irritated at the amount of time the women are taking to play the hole. One of the men decides that enough is enough. He tells his friend, "I'm going to go up there and tell those two to hurry up!"

He starts walking towards the women but after getting halfway there, he returns to his friend. "What's wrong?" his friend asks. "I can't go over there. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress." His friend tells him, "That's okay, I'll go talk to them."

He too starts walking towards the women but after getting halfway there, he too returns to his friend. He tells his friend, "Small world..."

That's it for today, my little Oscar nominees. Remember, the voices in your head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


jack69 said...

Hey Jimmy, loved the intro on NASCAR.
Also agree with your take on the VOLT and GM. Your wisdom is unsurpassed concerning the cough in an elevator. BUT just keep[ looking aout your door for the SS, you are pushing the envelope on what's his name, the president!

Good read as always!!!

salemslot9 said...

hi Jimmy!
my John is
watching the race
in the other
room while taping
"Redemption" on CBC

love to Possum
with a cherry on top