Monday, May 7, 2012

Aging Like Fine Wine

Today, I once again celebrate the anniversary of my 39th birthday. You may think that I'm aging, but I'm not. I just need re-potting. I can remember every detail of my life story, I just can't remember how many times I've have told the same person.

Thanks to Facebook, my family, friends and myself have learned that today is my birthday. The only one that forgot was my cat, Shithead and that's only because he forgot to pay his Internet cable bill. Facebook recently announced a multitude of people signing up as organ donors. I am not an organ donor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.

Still, I escape from the home occasionally and make a run over to AREA 51. I think I'm going to chill tonight as Mondays are not really known as swinging times. One thing I've learned as I've grown older is that three things happen. The first is that your memory goes......and I can't remember the other two.

The News As I See It: Patricia Krentcil, a 44 year-old New Jersey mother, has been arrested for taking her five-year-old daughter into a tanning booth, where the girl got sunburned.

I was unaware there were people in New Jersey that were more stupid than the cast of "Jersey Shore", but evidently, there is.

The "Tanning Lady" is living proof of why there should be a minimum I.Q. in order to have children. This mare has been rode hard and put away wet.

Obama hosted an early Cinco de Mayo White House party on Friday. I thought it was weird when he made all the guests climb over the fence to get in. I guess it could have been worse. He could have made them swim across the White House pool, as well.

Last week, the brakes on Obama's limousine were apparently damaged while he was in Georgia. Obama tried to call AAA, while O'Biden tried to call the Geico gecko.

This Date In History: 1824; Beethoven's 9th Symphony premiered in Vienna. 1847; The American Medical Association was organized in Philadelphia, Pa. 1915; The British ocean liner Lusitania was sunk by a German submarine in World War I off the coast of Ireland.

1945; Germany unconditionally surrendered to the allies in Rheims, France. 1945; James and Rebecca Sullivan announced the birth of their son, James Jr. 1954; The 56-day-long battle of Dienbienphu ended with Ho Chi Minh's forces defeating the French, signaling the end of French power in Indochina.

1992; The 27th Amendment to the Constitution, prohibiting mid-term Congressional pay raises, was ratified. 1994; Edvard Munch's painting, The Scream was recovered a few months after it had been stolen.

1999; During action against Yugoslavia, NATO jets mistakenly bombed the Chinese embassy in Belgrade, killing three and injuring 20. 2000; Vladimir Putin was inaugurated as Russia’s president.

Picture Of The Day: The theme? Party time! This week is going to be fun!

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. 2) The technical meteorological term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days is called "Monday." 3) Louisiana Hallmark Card: "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad." 4) Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and blaming it on the republicans? 5) Deja Vu is when you think you're doing something you've done before. Actually,  it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Taurus - May 7th: It's useless to be concerned that your birthday falls on a Monday. Take advantage of the numerous bar stools that are available today and have a good time. There's a wee chance that we may cross each other's paths today. Chance of romance is 57.45 percent if you read between the lines. Never trust a naked bar maid.

Birthdays: My pals Patricia and motor racing great Buzzie Reutimann 19XX, Robert Browning, poet 1812, Johannes Brahms, composer 1833, Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky, composer 1840, Archibald MacLeish, poet and public official 1892, Gary Cooper, film actor 1901, Edwin H. Land, American inventor and photographic pioneer 1909, Eva Peron political leader 1919, Johnny Unitas football player 1933.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife. He says, "Hello, I’m doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?" The woman says, "Yes, my husband and I use it during sex."

The researcher is slightly taken aback and says, "Uh, I admire you for your honesty. "Can you tell me exactly how you use it?" The woman says, "Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can’t get in."

An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lord, they were all dead?" The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked,"A bottle of wine?" His employees replied, "No."

Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid, "A bottle of scotch?" His employees replied again, "No." Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?" His workers responded, "A puppy."

That's it for today, my little home fries. Remember, good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. More on Wednesday.

Stay Tuned !


Linda's World said...

Happy birthday again...PSH has a birthday gift for you, I think he said it was behind the sofa.

jack69 said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMMY!!! 39 is good. Lying is bad! LOLO
You done good on the pringed things, I see you do know some thing about marriage.

But the petroleum jelly? the best!
have a good evening!!!! Really 39 ain't bad!!!!!

Paula said...

Hope you had a nice day for your birthday. I've signed to donate my organs, now I wish I was young enough for someone to want them.

Heli gunner Tom said...


I just happen to be a WD-40 guy....

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday to the best brother ever!!! Hope you had a relaxing day since you stayed home (for a change lol). Glad you stay 39 so that I can stay 35!

salemslot9 said...

I knew it
was your birthday...

dang it, Jimmy!

Happy Belated Birthday

love from

Last Minute Lisa

mine's Sept. 18th btw