Friday, June 22, 2012

Life's A Beach !

Sometimes you have to take a step back, grab a beer, take a good look at the world and say "Screw it!". Responsibility dictates the this attitude can only be adhered to in short spurts but an occasional soul cleansing is good for one's health. The only thing missing from the above picture is my Mom and Dad and their dog "Didi".

My way of escaping life's rush hour is to go fishing or head out to the woods and observe the earth's flora and fauna. It's always free of honking horns and the ever present dissertations, opinions and general ignorance of the public.

I've never caught a large mouth bass that I could prove was a democrat although the name itself is rather suggestive. In nature, neither the hawks nor doves that I have observed have shown any political affiliations.

Silence in nature is deafening and one has to re-tune one's ears to appreciate the chatter. Nature has it's own language and once mastered offer insights and a peaceful feeling that shutters out life's realities.

In Miami, we're fortunate to have both the Atlantic Ocean and, at the same time, the Florida Everglades. Both worlds are equally enjoyable to me and, more importantly, a time-to-time avenue of escape. Yep, sometimes life's a beach.......

What have we learned in 2,066 years? "The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance." - Cicero - 55 BC. Evidently nothing.

The News As I See It: The Supreme Court has ruled that TV networks can show momentary nudity. So, by popular demand, "The View" is now a radio show. On the upside, "Wheel of Fortune" should become a lot more interesting.

It was reported that the U.S. Navy recovered 19 tons of marijuana that had been dumped into the ocean. Two hours later, the Navy invaded Taco Bell.

It was pretty hot in the New York area this week (how hot was it?). It was so hot that Solyndra, the solar company actually made money. It was so hot, that Attorney General Eric Holder was selling water guns to Mexican drug gangs.

Wednesday, June 20th, was the first day of summer, which means if your Christmas decorations are still up, you might as well keep them there.

In Chicago, some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they're being paid to protest. They said they're being paid by democrats to stand outside and chant anti-Romney slogans. Hey, who says Obama isn't creating any new jobs?

This Date In History: 1815; Napoleon abdicated his throne for the second time after his defeat at Waterloo. 1870; The U.S. Justice Department was created. 1874; Dr. Andrew Still became the first to practice osteopathy. 1943; W.E.B. DuBois became the first black member of the National Institute of Letters

1944; President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the G.I. Bill of Rights. 1969; Singer-actress Judy Garland died. 1987; Actor-dancer-singer Fred Astaire died. 2011; Legendary Boston crime boss,James "Whitey" Bulger is found and arrested by federal authorities in Santa Monica, Calififornia.

Picture Of The Day: Today's theme? Water....the refreshing source of nourishment and peace. It goes for all of us...even for Paula's turtles.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) America's space probe, Voyager 1, launched back in 1977, is 11 billion miles in space. It's on the verge of leaving our solar system on its mission to find other civilizations to try to borrow money from. 2) Without nipples, boobs would be pointless. 3) Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when you wish that's where they were. 4) Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home. 5) The mistake a lot of politicians make is in forgetting they've been appointed and thinking they've been anointed.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Cancer - June 22nd: Although you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, bear in mind that you can catch even more flies with manure. Take the time to shave closely tonight as the evening is showing signs of becoming memorable. Chance of romance is partly cloudy with a chance of reign.

Birthdays: Julian Sorell Huxley, biologist, author 1887, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, author 1906, Joseph Papp stage producer, director 1921, Bill Blass fashion designer 1922, Dianne Feinstein, senator 1933, Kris Kristofferson composer 1936, Meryl Streep, actress 1949.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: A doctor was walking down the street one day when he noticed coming towards him one of his older patients with a very beautiful, well-built young lady on his arm. He was looking the happiest he had ever seen him.

When the old guy noticed the doctor he went up to him and said, "Well Doc, I took your advice and look at me." Puzzled, the doctor asked what the advice was. The old man said, "You told me to get a hot Mama and be very cheerful," The doctor replied, "No, I told you that you had got a heart murmur and to be very careful."

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. One his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?" The man replies "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, and says, "Did you call for me?" The man says, "No, what do you mean?" The hairy man replies, "You must be new. It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, who asks, "May I help you?" The man says, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

The woman says, "But you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 60 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day!"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: My thanks to my pal Wally for his contribution to today's stories.

A helicopter was flying above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it and circled. He drew a handwritten sign and held it in the helicopter's window. The sign said "Where Am I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "You Are In A Helicopter."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map and determined the course to steer to the Seattle/Tacoma airport and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "You Are In A Helicopter" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless reply.

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why don't you cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?" The older doctor replied, "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick." The younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately." The younger doctor said, "You've probably been doing too much extra work for the church. Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it? "Well, just like you did at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."

That's it for today, my little ducklings. Remember, it is okay to be ignorant in some areas, but some people abuse the privilege. I'm going to AREA 51 for happy hour. Have a great weekend and more on Monday.

Stay Tuned !


Linda's World said...

Thanks for the beach entry....that's where we're headed. The Oregon and Northern California beaches to be exact.

Heli gunner Tom said...

I love your version of: 'LAY DOWN SALLY' !! I need to get the lyrics bnd test them while on my 6 string rythmn guitar, soon. I am a happy man since my marriage to Terri.

Tom S

Paula said...

Have fun at Area 51 and dance one for me.

jack69 said...

I definitely like the intro. But I was thinking about a nudist colony, Now they can forget it!!!

Thanks for the read. I got my laughs, Obama got my money, and I am headed for Tennessee in the next few weeks.
all must be well with the world. As long as I can afford the diesel to head for Maine after Tennessee.
I'm too tired to do better. Come up to the yard sale tomorrow.!!!

Rose said...

I fell asleep early and then woke up at 2:00 AM and sitting at my computer chuckling reading your blog!

Enjoy your weekend. Tons of rain up here in Boca.

Hugs, Rose