Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Still Plugging Along

Between the new computer, the new layout and the new music list, I don't know which frustrates me more. I have a rather short temper when addressing computer problems but I try to refrain from any sudden urges to get my 38 and shoot it.

Nevertheless, I trudge on, still learning what to do and more importantly, what not to do. I've already had to go to system restore after making a rather impatient move. You'll notice that I've only put in a couple of pictures today as the program I use to edit pictures has also joined in on the rebellion to piss me off.

My music playlist is still a work in progress and most of the bugs have been worked out. I am still adding and deleting certain songs that play well with the new music site. I would like to remind you that the songs can be listened to, changed and browsed. Additionally, you can click the upper left corner where it says "videos" and watch the video that accompanies the song.

The News As I See It:
There's a report that the city of Detroit will go broke in the coming weeks. I'm not surprised. With the large amount of urban flight from one of the most dangerous and corrupt cities in America, I'm surprised that Detroit didn't go broke 10 years ago. Los Angeles and Chicago will follow soon.

According to a recent story in the The New York Times, Kanye West is marrying Kim Kardashian. The wedding is scheduled for June and the divorce is in July. This will be Kim's third marriage and experts say that if she stays healthy she could beat the record currently held by Larry King.

Obama is going to let certain illegal immigrants stay in this country, but there's an age requirement. You have to be old enough to vote by November.

Mitt Romney said Obama is ignoring the real issues with illegals, which is that they keep blowing the grass clippings into his pool.

This Date In History: 1756; British soldiers were thrown into the cell known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 1782; The Great Seal of the United States was adopted. 1819; The 320-ton Savannah became the first steamship to cross the Atlantic.
1837; Queen Victoria ascended the British throne.

1863; West Virginia became the 35th state in the United States. 1893; Lizzie Borden, accused of murdering her parents, was found innocent by a jury in New Bedford, Mass. 1967; Muhammad Ali was convicted of violating Selective Service laws by refusing to be drafted.

Picture Of The Day: Sticking with Paula's theme, this sea turtle seems a bit surprised at all the people trying to take his picture.

Printable Things I Never Told You: 1) I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry.  I mean, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? 2) If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have. 3) When I was a kid, there was a house on my block that I thought was haunted because I'd hear people screaming inside. Later on I found out it wasn't haunted, it was just a murderer's house.

4) The little kid that used to live next door to me had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.  He was an only child...eventually. 5) I used to have a self-teaching record when I was learning Spanish. One night, after coming home late from AREA 51, I turned it on and went to sleep.  Somewhere in the night, the record got stuck. The next day, I could only stutter in Spanish.....and that's five !

Today's Horoscope: Gemini - June 20th: The legend of the baked bean may trouble you today as last night's meal begins to make itself heard. I suggest you avoid elevators and cramped quarters. Chance of romance is 50-50, depending on how much beans you ate last night.

Birthdays: My pal Myra - Happy Birthday Baby! 19XX, Jacques Offenbach, composer 1819, Lloyd Augustus Hall, chemist 1894, Lillian Hellman, American dramatist 1905, Audie Murphy, actor 1924, Olympia Dukakis, actress 1931, José Alexandre "Xanana" Gusmão, revolutionary leader 1946.

The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar And Grill: Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !

So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in. Just then, the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !

So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!" So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.'" The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.

A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him. Then, one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf. Then they tied cement blocks around his feet, threw his sorry ass into the creek, got back into their Caddy and drove off.

The straw pig and stick pig were amazed and asked,  "Who the hell were those guys?" The brick pig replied, "Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs"

Three men die and are waiting at the Pearly Gates when St. Peter tells them that there will be a slight delay but not to worry that he will have Albert Einstein visit with them during their wait. Albert arrives and introduces himself to the first man and asks, "What is your IQ?" The first man answers, "165". Einstein says, "That's wonderful, we will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!".

Einstein introduces himself to the second man and asks, "What is your IQ?" The second man answers, "144". Einstein says, "That's great, we can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Einstein goes to the third man and asks, "What is your IQ?" The third man answers, "91". Einstein says, "How about them Yankees?"

The Hits Just Keep On Coming: In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have one hour to do whatever you desire."

With that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.

Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 45 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head!"

Two med students were walking along the street when they saw an old man slowly walking stiff-legged with his legs spread apart. One student said to his friend, "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says, "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class."

Since they couldn't agree, they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought, but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought, but you are wrong, as well."

So the medical students asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was a fart, but I was wrong, too.

That's it for today, my little fur balls. Remember, if you ever get really bored, drive to the mall and get a great parking spot. Then sit in your car and count how many people ask you if you're leaving. It's hump day and my thoughts turn to AREA 51 for happy hour. More on Friday.

Stay Tuned !


Paula said...

Your turtle is so much prettier then my turtle. Like the surprising ending of the statue joke.

jack69 said...

Pigeons? Pigeons?
Okay at least you were right on the politics today. But I never thought about the last day laundry thing...

I enjoyed the read, thanks.

pigeon, 'boy is them statues stupid!'